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Dedicated October 2021

Planning issues

Evelynn, on October 2, 2021 at 10:58 PM Posted in Planning 0 8

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So I’ll try to make a long story short as possible. No one asks me about planning in the families. I’m pretty much winging everything. We are getting married October 23rd and we have 3 weekend before the big day. My fiancé and I know how important it is this month to finalize planning and our weekends are booked up especially since we both work full time. The first weekend is all about getting last decorations together. Second weekend was to meet with the pastor and to have a rehearsal dinner. The third weekend was to to a Jack/Jill bachelor/bachelorette party. And there’s reasoning behind that. We both decided we would be more comfortable celebrating with each other. A lot of the people who have asked us about planning know that celebrating everything that comes with a wedding together was important to us. Well at my bridal shower I was told by my fiancé’s sister that I shouldn’t let my fiancé do anything that day because they’re throwing a bro’s party and I could come if I want to!
Now I feel like that situation should have went much different. I should have been ASKED if we were busy or had plans or some type of involvement given that we are literally planning a wedding and it’s the weekend before we get married. My fiancé doesn’t want me to talk to them about it because he think I would cause an issue. And now I just feel like my planning is all screwed up and I was so happy before finding this out. What is anyone else’s take on this?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Evelynn, on October 4, 2021 at 4:44 PM

Super May 2019
KYLIE · on October 3, 2021 at 11:12 AM
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I guess I’m a little confused. Were plans firm with guests confirmed for the joint bachelorette/bachelor party? And now your fiancé’s friends/brothers have copted that to throw their own party? Did they say they were going to the original party and are now backing out or were they never confirmed guests?
If your fiancé doesn’t want you to say anything, I think there’s a chance he preferred his own celebration and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Otherwise why would he just go along with their plans?
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Dedicated October 2021
Evelynn · on October 3, 2021 at 11:45 AM
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No his family was not asking us anything about the wedding at all. There’s not much communication. He and I knew during the whole planning process what we were doing because we are both hands on with it all. We both knew from the beginning that we were going to celebrate together the bridal shower was for us and we knew we wanted a combined bachelorette/bachelor party. Family that has asked us from the beginning about these things knew we preferred something combined. Once the month of October came was when we were going to let everyone know the plans. That is the last weekend before we get married I don’t understand why anyone would think that was okay to do something without knowing what we have going on. He doesn’t want me to say anything because he doesn’t want to hurt his families feelings. He doesn’t think I can stop it from happening in a kind way. So now we have to deal with it.
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Dedicated September 2021
JW · on October 3, 2021 at 11:45 PM
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Perhaps frame it as you both need to keep that last weekend free, which is true, whether for pop-up errands or to relax together before your weekend. An idea is your fiance could ask his family to skip the bro's party and instead wait until after you're married to host a casual combined celebration like a happy hour, brunch or BBQ in a week or two.
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Dedicated September 2021
Elri · on October 4, 2021 at 2:12 PM
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What does a bro’s party consist of? Does it have to be exclusive of you? Could you join later on? If not He should tell his family he appreciates the gesture and that he can do a shortened bro party before your combined event happens (meet for a drink) but that you’ve already decided early on that you wanted to remain together for any parties.
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Dedicated October 2021
Evelynn · on October 4, 2021 at 3:02 PM
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Thank you for your understanding of the issue. I have no idea what it consists of. I think they felt excluded from the wedding planning, so they tried doing something for their brother that excluded me. Now there asking me to invite his groomsmen. Due to them not knowing who they are.. and I have no details where. It’s was supposed to be a surprise for my fiancé but his mom slipped and mentioned it. And when he seen I was frustrated about planning around that day we spoke about it. We both just feel like we are in a spot now and he’d like to avoid confrontation. But we only get married this one time and these are our experiences. And it doesn’t feel to good rn.
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Dedicated September 2021
Elri · on October 4, 2021 at 3:22 PM
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Gosh, I can see why this doesn’t feel good but try not to take it too personally. There is a definite lack of consideration on their end to not include you except to ask for groomsmen info. Could you both ask the groomsmen to help the situation at all? Take the ownership of you and your FH by stepping in to stave off their idea or make it harder for them to plan this by them saying they need to show up for something else and can’t make it?
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on October 4, 2021 at 4:17 PM
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For some reason, everyone wants to take you out closer to the wedding date! It's baffling. My advice is to cut out any outtings within 10 days of the wedding. If either of you get covid, the wedding is cancelled. So if that bro party is 7 days before . . .
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