Planning for wishy washy Rsvps...

Unfortunately there will be a few people who will RSVP yes and not make it.

I would just forget about your B list; B listing guests is considered rude. You're just barely a month out so it's not surprising that some people are or were still unsure if they'd be able to make it; a lot of people aren't able to determine their schedule with certainty that far out. When does your venue need a final, absolute guest count? What is your RSVP date?

When our rsvp 's are due I am giving our guest a (Grace period). And when the grace period is up and the final guest count is given that is it. If I knew I was B listed I would be offended .

Do they have a reason for being wishy-washy? We had one person RSVP yes but tell us he wasn't sure as his wife's due date was around our wedding (he RSVP'd no for her either way). His wife went into labor yesterday so he won't end up coming Saturday, which we totally understand. We also had two cousins who RSVP'd yes but depending on the military leave which would be last minute. Unfortunately only one of them was able to get leave but again, totally out of their hands and we understand. I'd be understanding if any have a legit reason, but if they are just being dumb tell them you need a solid answer and just go with what they give. No shows suck, and those people are super rude, but you can't control that so try to not let it stress you out.

View Quoted Comment To be clear, no one knows they were b listed, and my b list people aren’t the ones being wishy washy. (Also the b list is actually the people we WANT there. Venue had a hard limit and I didn’t anticipate the amount of people my mom invited when we booked. she’s paying for the whole thing, so she can invite whoever she wants, but my venue only holds 75 and a lot of our friends that we actually wanted to invite got bumped to the b list. At the time of booking we thought we were paying for everything ourselves.)

Some people will say yes and not come. Stick to your deadline. Tell them they have to make a decision. That is the only thing that is asked of them as a guest. If you tell one "oh just let me know by this date, we don't have to let the caterer know until then" you will have them telling others that they can change their mind until then. To be honest, I don't agree with Valerie. I don't think that are legit reasons other than falling ill. If you know you may have a conflict, you RSVP no. That's it.

View Quoted Comment Some of them have good reasons and some of them don’t. One of the ones I’m most annoyed by is my 27 year old cousin who’s mom RSVP’d for him, tried to RSVP him with a bunch of people who weren’t invited, and when I texted him about it he was like “oh when even is that again? I haven’t asked off work, I didn’t know when it was.” A few of the others are like “if I’m not working” but like... if you aren’t asking off and leaving it to chance, can we just assume you’re working?

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We didn't do a b list per say. But our venue also has a limit of 75. My mom wanted to invite 14 friends. My FH didn't want to tell his VERY SINGLE friends that they couldn't bring a date. Our guest list is 86 . We have 34 yes and 1 no so far. I know a few more of them are definite no's due to schedule conflicts but still, ugh. I have invited 2 friends hahahah!

View Quoted Comment The term b list isn’t ideal but it’s not rude to have a secondary guest list you want to invite. We absolutely have one because the venue has a strict cap and we WANT people there that are on the “b list.” I agree the name makes it sound bad but basically we wanted a small wedding, booked a venue that seats 75, planned on paying the whole thing ourselves. At the time we made our initial guest list and booked the venue, we were planning on paying for everything. My mom swooped in and very graciously offered to pay for everything, which is AWESOME and we so appreciate her don’t get me wrong, but she did make me invite about 20 people I didn’t want to. (My side of the family I originally only had like 5, because they don’t speak to us. Literally, in the same room at Christmas and they won’t acknowledge me or my FH’s presence.... why on earth would I want them to come to my wedding and not speak to us? Also my family “feuds” a lot, and one of the wishy washy guests is my great aunt who RSVP’d yes but then starting one of her “not speaking” spells about a month ago where she explodes at my grandma then doesn’t speak to anyone for anywhere from 2 months to a year so who knows if she’s even coming) so yea i’m Keeping my friends list if you wanna call it that, and luckily enough people did RSVP no that we’ve gotten to invite a good chunk of them which I am happy about

View Quoted Comment We initially had 86 originally too and right now if everyone that’s been invited says yes and comes, we’ll have exactly 75! It sucks to hope people say no but some people will say no, try not to stress super hard about that part

View Quoted Comment *been invited minus the people that have already RSVP’d no. We had a few out of towners early on that let us know they couldn’t swing the flight which we def understand

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Wow! I'm glad it worked out! Hopefully, I will be in the same boat. I hope you can get a straight answer out of your wishy washy guests. Also, that mom is momming so hard for her 27 year old son, oy vey.

View Quoted Comment Sorry for the long rant, I’m a little emotional because it’s the people I didn’t even WANT there that are being wishy washy. But to answer your other questions I asked for RSVP’s by April 15, headcounts due to vendors by May 1. I also am finishing a second degree (wasn’t planned this way but it is what it is) currently and have finals April 29-May 6 so I had asked for RSVPs back a little earlier than probably usual because in those last two weeks I won’t be able to do much because of finals, but I did make guests aware of that so that should have been accounted for. I don’t agree that people don’t know their schedules a month out, a wedding is something you either chose to make time for or not, you should know if you’re choosing to request off work or making travel arrangements well in advance

We had one wishy-washy. And what we did for her was: reach out after the RSVP date (she did not accept or decline at that point), and then told her "we're going to need an answer by this Friday or unfortunately we're going to be forced to mark you as a no".

We got her answer that Friday...but not from her from her sister lol idk why people are scared to talk? In any case, people need ultimatums sometimes so don't be scared to set them.

I do have what some would consider a “b-list” also, but it’s difficult to plan when so much of the guest list is out of towners and my reception has a very strict and small max guest count. Maybe I’m just not wedding experienced, but RSVPing yes is yes for a reason and if they rsvp yes but still don’t know if they’re coming that seems odd. You should probably count on their presence and hope for the best.