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Christie
Savvy May 2021

Plan d Wedding

Christie, on December 4, 2020 at 3:56 PM Posted in Planning 0 14

Hi there,

I'm sure all of you have heard all of this before, but if there is someone out there that can give me advice right now or a heart to heart--I'll take it. Long story but, my fiancé and postponed our wedding from August 2020 to May 2021. Because I'm usually on top of everything, I had most of the wedding planned before we had to postpone, which means a lot of it is already paid for. At this point, if I had known this was all going to happen with covid, I wish I could go back and not pay for anything because our vendors will not be refunding anything if ultimately worse comes to worse. For example, if our venue closes before our new date, our caterer is not going to refund us. We have invested so much and I don't think I have the heart OR the funds to postpone again, I've already lost so much on things that had our original date on them, etc.

I don't have a problem shortening my guest list but I don't know what I'm going to do if only 25 people are allowed to show up and I have food for 50. I'm so down about the finances, I'm just so sad, seems like a waste. We can't afford two weddings either. I know some people are doing that, but my fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. We live in MN and currently with the recent spike, covid guidelines keep changing and it is hard to keep up.

Also, I'm having issues with accepting the fact that I don't get to have the experiences that everyone else does--I don't get a bachelorette party, or shower, etc. Who knows if I'll be able to have a rehearsal dinner. It is not about the spotlight at all, I just want to celebrate with family and I'll never get that.

On top of all of that, my mother very recently passed away and then my grandmother did a few days later (both not covid related). I can't imagine my wedding without them. I have so much regret, a big part of postponing was to keep them safe and now they won't even be there.

I don't know what to do. I just feel like all of this has become a big mess and no one in my wedding party wants to help me or is excited anymore. I'm just not excited anymore. I'm completely lost.


14 Comments

Latest activity by Zara, on March 28, 2021 at 4:15 PM
  • Belle
    VIP August 1997
    Belle ·
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    Unfortunately, many brides are in the same or similar situation as yours. I don’t want to lose my deposit, which wasn’t much but I will stick with my venue and postpone for our health sake, and have a wedding without much restriction.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Take a deep breath. To keep your finances under control, just plan one wedding that you and fiance decide on. What other people are doing is moot. No two couples and their situations are the same.


    Assuming that 25 is the capacity max where you live, pick your 20-22 closest people (couples always forget to include themselves and vendors in capacity counts) you want to share the day with and send announcements to everyone else. Have the caterer fix food for 25 people (including for you and photographer/dj).
    At the end of the day, you're marrying your best friend with your closest family/friends in attendance. That's all that matters. The pre-wedding parties are nice and you can still have them as logistics work but a pandemic isn't kind on anyone.
    • Reply
  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm so sorry you are going through this. While I can't relate on the wedding front, I can tell you I'm currently pregnant with my husband and I's first child and he hasn't been able to attend any appointments with me and likely won't be able to either. My baby showers (supposed to be having two this our families live in two different states) are up in the air. Covid has majorly messed up everything for a lot of people. I never envisioned my husband being excluded by doctors from attending appointments. I keep reminding myself that although he can't be a part of all of the appointments like I thought he does get to be a part of raising our baby with me. While you might not be having the wedding you envisioned, you will get to spend the rest of your life with the person you love so try to remember that at the end of the day that's the most important thing.

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  • Christie
    Savvy May 2021
    Christie ·
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    Unfortunately, my caterer minimum is 50. Thanks for the advice, I'm going to to by best to remember these things.

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  • Liz
    Devoted June 2021
    Liz ·
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    Keep the faith. By May things will hopefully be a little better. By then they should have most high risk people vaccinated.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I’m so sorry about your mom- mine passed back in 2018. The 1st year is definitely rough & you never know when those emotions will come. When they do, it’s like a tidal wave... don’t know how many times I had to run to the restroom @ work for a good cry.
    My wedding is in April & am planning accordingly. I do have a Plan B set just in case. I agree with the previous person about the vaccine. I work at a hospital & my fiancé is a firefighter so we are going to be part of the first wave to get the vaccine. I know there are going to be some that refuse to get vaccinated but that is their choice. We will have plenty of masks & hand sanitizers available.
    If only 25 people show for your wedding but you have food for 50 there are still plenty of options. 1. You can donate the remaining food at a shelter.2. If you have a food saver, you can use that & freeze your leftovers. 3. Have a small party the next day & serve the leftovers.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    My dearest condolences, Love. If I were you, I would consider a backup plan of a smaller wedding in your backyard just in case the mandates get stricter.
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  • Christie
    Savvy May 2021
    Christie ·
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    Thank you so much for your thoughts and advice. It is really hard, the emotions just come so easily. Really good ideas, thank you, and I’m sorry about your mom as well.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Ya- it’s a double whammy- she passed on my birthday. I’m not at the point to celebrate it- it’s not my birthday. It’s just the day my mom passed.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    Christie, I am so very sorry about mom and grandmother. I cannot even imagine what you and your family must be going through.


    May is still far and things with covid could very well change for the better by then. We did my bridal shower very small to meet regulations and I really loved it. May will have better weather and a small bridal shower outdoors would be beautiful. I love Michelle’s suggestions. If it makes you feel any better on the financial side, I had our first wedding invitations that were paid for and useless, until I got creative and the back of them were blank, and made list of shelters to go with blessing packages I am making for the homeless.
    Feel free to take a break from planning, step away from it.
    Again I am so sorry and I pray for you to have time and space to grieve your beloved mom and grandmother and peace will come ❤️
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  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri ·
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    I am so, so sorry. My sincere condolences for your mother and grandmother - I truly cannot even imagine.

    You are not alone in these feelings. Smiley heart

    We proceeded with our October wedding, but downsized from 130 to 35. It was still INCREDIBLY expensive because we kept pretty much everything we could -- my dress, the venue, the flowers, hair/makeup, etc.

    Even though we were at peace with our decision, it doesn't change the fact that we spent a ton of money for something that wasn't our original vision, and we can't afford a Part 2/redo. I also didn't have a shower or bachelorette party, and he didn't have a bachelor party. We also didn't have a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner.

    It sucks that covid has robbed so many people of memories and experiences they would've otherwise had, and you are allowed to grieve for missing out on those things. It's so hard because there are no "right" or easy answers for any of this, and it's difficult to predict how you will feel depending on what you decide. Part of me still wonders if we should've just canceled all of our vendors and eloped, but another part is thankful we were able to share our day with the small group that could be there.

    There's still time for things to improve, and you will still have a beautiful day, no matter what the details end up being.

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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    I am so sorry to hear that your going through such a tough time. what if you donated extra food to a food bank I saw a story of a bride doing that.

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  • Erin
    VIP September 2023
    Erin ·
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    We're eloping, just the two of us. Part of this is because we need to be legally married before February 9th (so no chance of restrictions lifting enough to matter) and we currently aren't allowed to host any gatherings outside of immediate family. It sucks, but a lot of us are going through it. Fortunately, I hadn't paid money for anything except my dress, and that SHOULD still fit when we do our vow renewal in 2022 xD. You guys will be alright, worst case, maybe do a vow renewal for your 5 year or something?

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  • Ashley
    Savvy May 2021
    Ashley ·
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    I am right there with you. We postponed our May 2020 wedding to May 15, 2021 a month before it was scheduled. We were almost done getting our RSVPs back. My bachelorette party was cancelled a week and a half before it was suppose to happen. I know how heartbreaking it can be not to be celebrating with your family and friends. 95% of everything was ready to go in our situation. I do not think I will be having any sort of bachelorette party either.

    Right now, trying to get everything ready to go for May is frustrating. I am also struggling to get excited and I think it has to do a lot with the fact with the idea that I know there is a good chance the wedding I planned for months won't be happening the way we planned. We have been engaged since August 2018, so we are set on getting married and not postponing the date, but hate the uncertainty about what May will look like. We previously anticipated about 110-125 people attending. With current projections, we don't think it is possible for that number. While we won't be making final decisions until February or so, we may be cutting numbers to 50 or 75 (possibly less). The timeline for vaccine rollout makes me think that there would be many unvaccinated people still around on our wedding day. The idea of uninviting people is heart breaking, but I also do not want to be the event that someone gets sick at. I think it is hard to be optimistic, especially when you already had to change the event once.

    I have been trying to do things to get more excited: scheduling a new hair and makeup trial, finding new deals for items for my welcome bags, talking with the florist about possibly changing some of the flowers, looking for new possible décor pieces. I even set up a new pinterest board to see if there are new, fun ideas. I think it has been helping some to looking at this as a new event and not just a postpone one.

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