Hi there,
I'm sure all of you have heard all of this before, but if there is someone out there that can give me advice right now or a heart to heart--I'll take it. Long story but, my fiancé and postponed our wedding from August 2020 to May 2021. Because I'm usually on top of everything, I had most of the wedding planned before we had to postpone, which means a lot of it is already paid for. At this point, if I had known this was all going to happen with covid, I wish I could go back and not pay for anything because our vendors will not be refunding anything if ultimately worse comes to worse. For example, if our venue closes before our new date, our caterer is not going to refund us. We have invested so much and I don't think I have the heart OR the funds to postpone again, I've already lost so much on things that had our original date on them, etc.
I don't have a problem shortening my guest list but I don't know what I'm going to do if only 25 people are allowed to show up and I have food for 50. I'm so down about the finances, I'm just so sad, seems like a waste. We can't afford two weddings either. I know some people are doing that, but my fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. We live in MN and currently with the recent spike, covid guidelines keep changing and it is hard to keep up.
Also, I'm having issues with accepting the fact that I don't get to have the experiences that everyone else does--I don't get a bachelorette party, or shower, etc. Who knows if I'll be able to have a rehearsal dinner. It is not about the spotlight at all, I just want to celebrate with family and I'll never get that.
On top of all of that, my mother very recently passed away and then my grandmother did a few days later (both not covid related). I can't imagine my wedding without them. I have so much regret, a big part of postponing was to keep them safe and now they won't even be there.
I don't know what to do. I just feel like all of this has become a big mess and no one in my wedding party wants to help me or is excited anymore. I'm just not excited anymore. I'm completely lost.