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Just Said Yes September 2023

Picky groom

Hadley, on September 24, 2022 at 4:00 PM Posted in Planning 1 9
Okay so as my fiancé and I are planning our wedding I am starting to realize just how picky my fiancé is. I mentioned how I think we should do our grand entrance and first dance and he hated the idea and shut it down without really hearing my reasoning. He didn’t like my idea of our bridal party sitting at the head table because he wants them to sit with their families during dinner (understandable) but I want them to still feel important and be with us during the wedding. These are just a couple of examples of this happening. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do or how to talk about this?


Latest activity by Paige, on September 27, 2022 at 10:49 AM
  • Kelly
    Rockstar October 2023
    Kelly ·
    • Flag

    My fiance was like this at first. He was shutting me down without actually listening. I sat him down and told him that he needs to listen to everything before he can disagree (and vice versa). Also if he disagrees, he should offer an alternative solution.

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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Kelly, you need to sit down with him and indicate that you are sharing ideas, and if he doesn't like yours, then he needs to make a suggestion and the two of your will *discuss* it. No one way streets.

    Having said that - I agree with him - your bridal party would probably prefer to sit with their families. I have never felt "important" because I was sitting at a head table - I've always felt on display and been concerned about my date, because they might not know anyone else.

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  • Michael
    VIP October 2023
    Michael ·
    • Flag

    Is your FH an introvert to a degree that is influencing his choices? Are there specific reasons wrong with a grand entrance or first dance? On the latter, it may help to learn a choreographed dance. Would he be willing to try the lessons? Probably important on some of those typical elements of the reception is whether he has some alternative item planned -- to fill the gaps.

    It may be good that he is interested in the plans rather than like so many FHs. Maybe the discussion can be extended if you ask him all the pros and cons of his choices. He may be giving good insights too -- like not breaking up couples where one or both are in the wedding party.

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    This is a good chance to really use your negotiating and compromising skills for sure.

    FWIW, I agree with him about the head table. Your wedding party should be seated with their dates. It's not polite to separate couples for dinner.

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  • S
    Beginner December 2025
    Seawitch88 ·
    • Flag
    I agree about the wedding party
    They should be seated with whoever the escort was or the plus one
    As for the big entrance Ask him what he might want to do? He might have his own idea.
    My husband and I are planning a do over because we had to elope
    So we are deciding on what’s important We are not doing a wedding party dance We are having our dance and that’s it. People can dance if they want. But definitely get him to share his ideas
    • Reply
  • Pat
    Expert May 2023
    Pat ·
    • Flag

    Like everyone else has said - communication is the key. If he balks, ask him to at least write down reasons and alternate ideas and sit with you that way (sometimes you just can't think right off the top of your head) We won't do a "grand entrance", just walk in when announced. No bridal party dance, just us. And our attendants will be sitting with their spouse/date at tables on either side of us, so close to feel special but not apart from their significant other. Plus, hey, it's OUR day and I want the focus to be on us LOLOLOLOL

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Before you do any planning, sit down together and figure out what you each love and hate. That gets you on the same page with open communication. It gets practice in for after the wedding. So many posts there are brides talking about how grooms have no interest in contributing ideas so the fact that yours does should not be cause for concern. Sit down together and discuss your plans in detail. Find out what he likes and what he doesn’t with reasons behind it. Using your listed examples, ask him what he doesn’t like about the entrance. Many weddings skip them entirely and no guest is upset or confused though the internet and some vendors would have you believe that’s a lie. Does he not want a certain amount of spotlight on him? That’s understandable so talk to your dj together about that can be resolved to make both of you comfortable. As far as head tables, those are outdated in many circles and sweetheart tables are done instead so that attendants who may not anyone else can sit with family and friends.
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  • Taylor
    Rockstar October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the party sitting with their dates/families instead of with you guys.

    But yeah I just think you guys need to have a serious discussion about how you are feeling
    • Reply
  • Paige
    Rockstar October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag

    I think a good idea would be for the both of you to list out your individual "must haves" for the day, "nice to haves," "not important," and "absolutely not" items. If any of either of your "must haves" are on the other's "nice to have" or "not important" list, the "must have" person gets final say (while still including the other person on the financials/ decision itself of course). Anything conflicting would need to find a compromise.

    If you really want a head table, but your fiancé wants the bridal party to sit with their dates, you could consider a "kings table" where it's literally a head table + bridal party dates.

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