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Beginner July 2023

Picking Bridesmaids

Eliza, on September 9, 2022 at 10:55 AM Posted in Planning 1 3

I’m having a hard time picking bridesmaids. I have a couple of friends from school that we’ve kept in minimal touch with over the years. One of those friends picked me and a couple of other girl friends from school to be her bridesmaids. But the truth is we grew apart and aren’t as close as we were before so I was a little surprised when she asked me to be her bridesmaid.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have love for the girl but I’m worried she might have the expectation that I’ll pick her be my bridesmaid too. To make the pressure worse, I have a feeling my other school friends might ask us to be bridesmaids too, despite growing apart. And I don’t want to look like the only jerk who didn’t ask them to be my bridesmaids.

But in all honesty if none of this had happened, I definitely would NOT have picked any of them to be my bridesmaids simply because we’re not as close anymore and I’m closer to other girl friends now.

So is there some sort of unspoken rule that if you were in their bridal party, they should be in yours too? If not, how to I break it to my old friends?

Any advice is much appreciated when it comes ro picking bridesmaids!!


Latest activity by Erin, on September 10, 2022 at 3:39 PM
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    No, bridal parties are not tit for tat. You don’t need to include someone just because you were in theirs. Everyone has their own unique reasoning for who they pick and why.

    It’s not something you need to address, especially with someone you’ve grown apart from. Being told you’re not chosen always hurts a bit more than just realizing you weren’t chosen. I would not say something UNLESS they directly ask you , and in that case I would offer a quick simple response without getting into all the relationship nitty gritty (Ex: “we decided to keep the wedding party small”) — though obviously the excuse must be something visibly true if they attend the wedding (ie don’t say “keeping it small” if you have 6 bridesmaids or don’t say “family only” if you have friends from other facets of life)
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    There is no rule. Have the people closest to you in your wedding party, or maybe a MOH or maybe no wedding party at all. In addition bridal parties have been increasingly mixed gender and not the same number on each side.

    You don't need to explain or talk to these people about any of it.

    I would suggest waiting until about 6 months before the wedding to ask anyway, so you still have time to consider things. Good luck!

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  • Erin
    Rockstar May 2022
    Erin ·
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    I have a friend who picked someone we both knew way back in middle/high school to be a bridesmaid in her wedding this November, but that friend got married about 6 weeks ago and she didn’t have her in her party. There’s not an obligation to include someone in your wedding party if they asked you to be in theirs. As Mcskipper said, don’t tell them they aren’t in it, just say nothing unless they ask. I will add though that if they do ask about it, it’s likely a sign of them not being a very good friend as no one should feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to someone else’s wedding.
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