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Beginner May 2021

Picking an officiant?

Peyton, on June 18, 2020 at 9:50 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 6

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We are struggling to decide on an officiant for our wedding next year. We have several options, but they all come with pros and cons.
I have a family friend that is a pastor that I was close to for years, but he is recently divorced and has been a little off the rails. He has caused some issues within my family after someone confides in him, then he goes and stirs up drama. I hate it because he is who I always imagined doing my wedding, but none of us are very happy with him at the moment.
My oldest brother is ordained. He is 12 years older than me and we are not very close, but I do really want someone that we know rather than someone random. He would also be more understanding of the type of laid back ceremony we want. I recently had the idea of my fiancé’s best man getting ordained to do the wedding. We have a great relationship and though he is a typical 21 year old guy, I think he would take it seriously and do a great job and enjoy being able to do it. We haven’t brought it up to him yet, and my fiancé’s only reservation is wether or not that’s something that’s “allowed”
And of course we can always hire someone. There are so many options I have no idea how to pick someone, and it would be another added expense.
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated!!!

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Anna, on June 24, 2020 at 12:16 AM

Master August 2021
Jasmine · on June 18, 2020 at 9:58 PM
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As long as someone is ordained anyone can officiate so your best man can definitely do it if he's up to taking the online requirements to do so.

Also, you can check here on wedding wire or even Thumbtack for some pretty cheap officiants if any of your other options fail. I wish you the best of luck.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on June 18, 2020 at 10:07 PM
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First, find out what the laws are in your state. Not all states recognize online ordinations as legal. If they do, they would still have to fill out paperwork at the appropriate office to get permission from the state to perform the ceremony.

The vendor tab at the top of the page has reviews of professionals. You can meet with them over coffee and see how you mesh before you decide.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on June 18, 2020 at 11:10 PM
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I agree with Jana to check your state’s requirements. For example, in Colorado, you don’t need an officiant or even witnesses, but we are an anomaly. Every state seems to have their own rules.
One of my FH’s best friends has officiated like 10 weddings for other friends and family, so we initially planned to ask him. If the best man is up for it and it would be legal in your state, I don’t see why there would be a problem.
I understand how you feel with the family friend/pastor. I always imagined my uncle walking me down the aisle since he was the only father figure I had growing up, but him and my aunt got divorced a couple years ago and now and things got pretty ugly. I’m still hoping he’ll come to the wedding, but there’s still some bad blood there so we’ll see.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on June 18, 2020 at 11:13 PM
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I found my officiant on Thumbtack. Her price was reasonable, good reviews, and I really liked her when we met with her.
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on June 19, 2020 at 10:08 PM
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I also found mine on Thumbtack! I was nervous at first about someone who didn't know us, because I've seen how special it can be when the officiant knows one or both of the people getting married beforehand. There's something really personal and special about it. But I don't know anyone we felt was suitable, so I looked online and found a married couple actually. They are both ordained ministers, but most often the husband performs the wedding ceremony, while the wife helps line up the bridal party, helps with the timing of the walk, when to go, etc., and keeps things flowing. We met with them and just clicked. They took time to sit down and talk with us (before Covid--could easily be done on the phone or Zoom), and get to know what our vision was for our wedding, but also who we are, how we met, what we love about each other, etc. The husband took notes the whole time we talked. His wife said that he takes that part very seriously because he wants to give couples a warm and personal ceremony, and the way to do that is to get to know the couple somewhat.
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VIP October 2020
Anna · on June 24, 2020 at 12:16 AM
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I would definitely check with your state’s regulations on what’s required for the officiant. From describing the pastor family friend, I wouldn’t choose him. But I don’t really know what to tell you about your other two choices. I went to my college roommate’s sister’s wedding and though her dad was a pastor, she had her uncle perform the ceremony because she wanted her dad to be just her dad for the wedding. Same thing when my roommate got married. She had the pastor of her church perform the ceremony so that her dad would just be her dad.
I was up in the air originally about our officiant because my childhood pastor retired a few years ago. I’d always imagined him officiating my wedding, but my FH has never met him and as we began talking about marriage, he really wanted an officiant who would do a more in-depth pre-marital counseling, and also he quickly came to respect my new pastor a lot. He just started at my church last August, and I wasn’t sure about him at first, mainly due to an odd backstory I won’t tell, but since January, I’ve really come to like and trust him a lot. The downer part of it is that my FH and I will be living 45 minutes away and attending a different church after the wedding.
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