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Beginner August 2020

Picking a Maid of Honor

Jiliane, on July 3, 2019 at 6:55 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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So I have three friends who I would consider asking to be my maid of honor. We will call them A B and C to make things simple.

A is my childhood best friend who I have grown apart from but she has known me the longest, she also can be controlling at times and I’m afraid she may not keep my vision in mind. I also feel a little slighted by her because she had asked me to be her maid of honor when she was getting married 8-9 years ago and then got married without even telling me. It was a shotgun wedding, and I found out on Facebook.

B is my best friend since high school who I am still close with. She’s great at managing and arranging groups and staying on top of things. I also just found out she’s pregnant with her first and would give birth WAY before my wedding, but I don’t want to take away from her experiencing being a new mom.

C is another great friend who I haven’t known as long who I know would really try to make sure I have a great day, but she also has two young kids and is working and in school, so I’m not sure how much time she would have to help me or plan anything.

I don’t know if I should really ask any of them. I have been there to celebrate major milestones in their lives and have hosted multiple events for each of them. I know that they would all want to be in the wedding but I’m not sure any of them would want to be maid of honor. How should I handle this? Oh and they are all married so I couldn’t have a maid/matron of honor. HELP!!

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Cheryl, on July 4, 2019 at 5:50 AM

VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 3, 2019 at 7:02 PM
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From what you said B sounds like a good pic! A lot of pregnant are fine until the last trimester and love having things to do instead of being babied. Because their due date is supposed to be in advanced of the wedding it might be a nice occasion for her to get out of the house as a new mum too. A lot of people uninvite new parents and it can make them feel left out, having her be maid of honor might be just enough activity for her. You'll have to sit down and tell her you want her to prioritize the baby if she needs to.
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Beginner August 2020
Jiliane · on July 3, 2019 at 7:23 PM
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Thank you Kelly!
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Expert June 2021
Shannon · on July 3, 2019 at 7:35 PM
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If you have to pick one, I'd go with B. In your situation, I'd be tempted just to have Bridesmaids and not have a MOH at all.
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on July 3, 2019 at 9:39 PM
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Pick who you are closest to not who can help you plan things.
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VIP November 2019
Laura · on July 3, 2019 at 9:40 PM
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I’d go with B. You said she’s due long before your wedding day, so she should be able to manage.
Just curious, you mentioned her ability to manage and organize things. What exactly are you expecting your MOH to do?
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Beginner August 2020
Jiliane · on July 3, 2019 at 9:51 PM
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Typically isn’t the MOH in charge of the bridal shower and bachelorette party? I could be misinformed.
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VIP November 2019
Laura · on July 3, 2019 at 9:54 PM
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Often they take on those roles, but anyone can host a shower or bachelorette party. You can’t expect one person to bear the brunt of the costs for those activities.
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Beginner August 2020
Jiliane · on July 3, 2019 at 9:57 PM
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I’m always willing to chip in. In weddings I’ve been in in the past the MOH was typically in charge of planning and others in the bridal party of the MoTB/brides family helped with costs. I think I’m over thinking things. It’s probably best to ask who I feel most strongly about and let them decide if they can or want to take on the role.
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Dedicated June 2021
Jamie · on July 4, 2019 at 12:50 AM
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Based on your descriptions of A,B,C...B is the far better option in my opinion. You mentioned that the two of you are close and she has great management skills which is important. MOH should be someone who is not only a part of your past and present, but someone who you see being part of your future. I don’t think her being MOH would take away from her experience of being a new mom. I’m sure she’d be honored 😊
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on July 4, 2019 at 5:50 AM
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I'd go with B, then C, then A.

Can you feel out B and see if she's up for it instead of just assigning her? If she says no ask C? Or maybe just start with C? Def not A, though, oldest friend doesn't mean most collaborative and supportive and that's what you need.
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