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Shelby
Savvy October 2019

Photog did photos of other couple at my wedding?

Shelby, on December 28, 2019 at 7:48 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22
So I just got all my wedding photos back from the photographer and at the end, there are a few photos of one of my bridesmaids with her fiancé (who was also in the wedding). Apparently she had asked our photographer if she could “take some photos of them together since they didn’t have any nice ones” during my wedding (i found this out from one of my other bridesmaids after the fact)
I didn’t get nearly as many posed photos with my husband as I’d have liked during the wedding, so for them to have taken that time my husband and I paid for makes me feel a little cheated, though I know there’s nothing I can do about it now. I honestly don’t want to send them the photos and they haven’t asked about them. Am I overthinking this, or am I right to think that it was an inappropriate ask?

22 Comments

Latest activity by Sherry, on December 30, 2019 at 10:04 AM
  • N
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
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    I think that that is extremely inappropriate of your friend to ask for pictures at your wedding from a vendor you paid for. I agree there's nothing you can do now. I would wait for her to ask you for them and have a conversation about it then.

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  • Emily
    Devoted May 2021
    Emily ·
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    Sounds like my FMIL. She has asked my photographer (she’s a close friend of ours) multiple, multiple times to take pictures of only her at the wedding. I had to tell her not to listen to her..


    I’m sorry that happened to you though! I would ask her about it..
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    If you didn't notice it at the time, they clearly weren't taking the photographer away from taking pictures of you and your husband - I don't think these few pictures of the two of them at the end of the night had anything to do with you not getting as many couple shots with your now-husband as you would have liked. I don't think it's inappropriate for her to have asked for a few pictures of her with her SO while being photographed for your wedding.

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Neeva is right, that was very inappropriate. I think I would contact the photographer and make sure they aren't going to send, or haven't sent, those specific pictures directly to your bridesmaid. If they did send them to her, I'd be having a word about that, too, and leaving a less than stellar review.

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Seriously? It wasn't her wedding and she didn't pay the photographer for their services. If the photographer was taking candids, and those two happened to be in them, great. But to ask specifically for the photographer to take photos of the two of them is inappropriate. If you want pictures of yourselves, schedule your own session.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    You are over thinking this. If he had not done their pictures, it does not mean there would have been more of you two. If you wanted more, you should have asked the photographer, and he likely would have obliged. Send them their nice photos. Don't withhold them . That would be mean to no purpose.
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  • B
    Dedicated June 2022
    beee ·
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    I agree with this. Were these pictures taken during the designated photo time or during the reception? If it was during the reception, I don't see what the problem is. I'd be happy to have nice photos of my closest friend enjoying my wedding with her partner.

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  • Shelby
    Savvy October 2019
    Shelby ·
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    It was during the reception but they went to the park across the street, away from the actual reception. If it were one photo at the actual event, no problem. It just makes me feel a little funny. Honestly I would have felt better if the photographer had done one for each of the couples in our wedding party.
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  • Shelby
    Savvy October 2019
    Shelby ·
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    I should also note that at no point during the event did we do photos over in the park so it was basically like a mini off-site photo session.
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  • M
    Dedicated January 2020
    Marie ·
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    Okay, that's WEIRD. No way should the photographer should have left your reception for any reason and your friend shouldn't have asked that of him. Super inappropriate on both sides
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  • Destiny
    VIP May 2020
    Destiny ·
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    Tbh had i seen that happening theybwould have gotten 50 off of there tip. N if the photog asked id have told him to go ask for some from that couple you left my reception to go take pictures of. (My fiancé says i have a severe "karen" mentality) i take absolutely no bs when it comes to wedding planning
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  • B
    Dedicated June 2022
    beee ·
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    Wow, that is really inappropriate.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Seems like I’m in the minority. I don’t find it inappropriate at all if she asked for a few photos! We actually asked our photographer to take pics (candid & posed) of guests because we planned to share photos with guests as a thank you. Now, if she has 50+ pics taken all around your venue, that’s a bit much.
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  • R
    Super September 2018
    Rachel ·
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    I’m in your camp as well. I actually asked my photographer, if there was time if she would try and grab a quick photo of each of our wedding party with their partners. She wasn’t able to grab everyone, but did grab a few. My reasoning was my husband had stood up in so many weddings and we never ever had a chance to get our own candid photo with one another because we were always running around supporting the couple. He was dressed up so nice (and paid good money for those rentals!) and what a shame to never grab a photo of the two of us.


    It is a bit extra that the bridesmaid in question asked to actually go to another location... that’s where the photographer should have pushed back and offered a location within the venue instead.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Ah, yes, just read that part. For the couple to leave the venue for a mini photo session of their own is not cool. Photographer should have set boundaries.


    I agree that in general photos of guests is great for them. It’s rare to get some friends or family together, and so nicely dressed, that it’s a nice thank you for them.
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  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2020
    Rachel ·
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    Lol, they left the venue with the photographer?! That is weird. Definitely okay to take a pic having fun at the reception, but what they did was weird.... Lol. The photographer should stand up for themselves and you by saying no.
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  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
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    Tell the photographer that you aren't paying for the off-site pictures of someone else. He can collect from the person who asked for the pictures. And good luck to him. Absolutely do not give the pictures to the person who decided to take a free ride on your hired photographer.

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    Yeah, at first I was like "What's the big deal? They were at the reception and got a few nice photos snapped..." If they went across the street to a park, that is literally insane. Who does that??? I'd be petty and delete them. Ridiculous.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    It's definitely inappropriate without asking you first. It's not uncommon for photographers to take photos of guests during a wedding, but those wouldn't stand out to you. The fact that you noticed these (probably because they were more intentionally posed or there were just a lot of them) is clearly because your bridesmaid made a special request and it was inappropriate for both the bridesmaid to ask and the photographer to honor that request. You spent the money on the photographer to photograph a day that is about you and your partner, not anyone else.

    I wouldn't give them the photos, nor would I give them access to them. If your photographer shared a URL of all your photos with you and you want to share that with others, I would go back and ask the photographer to remove those photos from the website first, that way there is no way your friend can get them without going through you. If your images were delivered via thumb drive, then I would just not pass those along.

    If/when your bridesmaid finally asks you about those photos it is the time to have a frank conversation with them about how it was inappropriate for her to commandeer your photographer during your wedding. Explain that you are upset you don't have more photos of you and your husband, and that you spent time and money picking out this photographer so they could photograph the event for you not for anyone else. Let her know hijacking your photographer was completely inappropriate and disrespectful of the effort, planning, and money that went into your wedding.

    If she never brings it up, then I probably wouldn't either. Never getting the photos should be a lesson in itself.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    Yea that's 100% totally inappropriate. In that case, I'd probably address it with both the photographer and the bridesmaid.


    If someone did that at my wedding, I'd be leaving a negative review of the photographer and refuting my bill. Photography is super important to me and that wouldn't fly. I'd calculate the time lost based on engagement session pricing (say $300 for a 90 minute session, then that's $200 per hour) and estimate the time taken away from my wedding (probably 30 minutes for a mini session in the park), and demand a refund for at least that amount ($100) or require my bridesmaid to pay the money back to me. It probably sounds villanous but there is this entire part of the wedding reserved for couples and formal portraits that is almost always rushed, and to have that time given to someone else is absolutely unacceptable in my book.

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