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Petty or not?

Ashley, on May 16, 2021 at 12:20 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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I’m currently planning my wedding. A friend of mine from college met a guy shortly after my engagement and became pretty serious with him quickly and pretty soon announced their relationship after a few months. She has now just gotten engaged and is planning her wedding to be a few months before mine. Before they became engaged I allowed her to have a plus one for him since she really cared about him and seemed to be serious. Now that she has sent out wedding invitations, she is not allowing any of her friends to bring their SOs (husbands, fiancé’s, boyfriends that were established before she even met her FH) due to budget and space, and on top of things, isn’t allowing friends to attend the reception after (it’s for family only) so we would have to leave after the ceremony since it is all in the same space. To me, it’s not worth it to buy a plane ticket for a ceremony that’s not even an hour, just to leave after. Now I’m considering if it was a mistake to give her a plus one in the first place. I know it’s super petty and most likely I’ll still allow her to bring her FH (by then, her husband) to my wedding to be the bigger person, but what would you do?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Taylor, on May 21, 2021 at 9:31 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I would decline her wedding and invite both of them to yours, assuming you already sent them a save the date or invitation. After your wedding, I just wouldn’t make much of an effort to keep that friendship going.
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  • M.
    Dedicated July 2021
    M. ·
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    I wouldn't bother going to her wedding. I wouldn't change your invite to her and her fiancé because I think that would seem kind of aggressive, but I do think her choices are in pretty poor taste. Like the PP said, I wouldn't put much effort into maintaining this friendship afterward. I can't imagine asking people to travel to my wedding, exclude their SOs and on top of that not even invite them to the reception! I wouldn't waste your time or your money on trying to attend, it's not being petty on your part, it's poor decision making on hers. If she can't afford to host a larger reception she should just make her wedding a private affair with family only.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I agree with Sarah. I would kindly decline attending her wedding, but proceed with inviting both to your wedding. Just because she doesn't know proper etiquette doesn't mean you should stoop to her level.

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    I wouldn’t go to her wedding but would still allow her to bring her husband. You should do the proper thing regardless of what she does.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I wouldn't attend her wedding and I wouldn't remove her plus one. She is being tacky and rude by not allowing plus ones at the wedding or friends at the reception. Etiquettes say you have the wedding you can afford without disregarding guests relationship and you should be having guests who are invited to the ceremony at the reception as well because the reception is like a thank you for coming and showing support. Trust me you don't want to be in that boat with her, be the bigger person and show her how a wedding is supposed to be done with your wedding you planned with etiquettes.
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  • Emily
    Devoted June 2021
    Emily ·
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    Don’t stoop to her level. I would decline her wedding (especially if you have to fly there), but still invite her and her husband. Chances are, she won’t come anyway if you don’t go to hers. Then, problem solved.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Invite both to your wedding and decline the invite to her wedding.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I would choose to be a good host and still invite her to my wedding, but would decline the invitation to hers.
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  • C
    Devoted September 2022
    Carissa ·
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    I would decline her invite but not change her plus one for your wedding. She isn't singling you out by saying just your fiance isn't invited- its all friends' significant others. It's not an attack on you so you don't need to treat it as such.
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    Wow, why is this suddenly such an issue? Another bride just had the exact same problem - being invited to the ceremony only and not being permitted her spouse/future spouse, supposedly due to space (I call bogus on "budget" as an excuse not to invite SOs because what is she budgeting for if you are only invited to the ceremony? An $8 chair?)

    Inviting you to only the ceremony is the epitome of rude. End of discussion.

    As others have said, invite her and her spouse - it would be super tacky of you to rescind her plus one after you already offered it, and you shouldn't fight tacky with tacky - but decline her invitation.

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  • Rosie
    Master February 2022
    Rosie ·
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    I agree with the others, decline her wedding but invite both to yours, assuming you've already sent the save-the-date.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Totally agree 💯 percent.
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  • A
    Ashley ·
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    Update: thanks for the responses! Really nice to get other perspectives. I’m going to decline the invite but I’m still going to allow the couple to attend my wedding since I already sent out save the dates. Of course I know I’m not being targeted personally but it’s still is off putting for me that certain people have to travel to only the ceremony, only to get kicked out when the food comes lol their choice though!
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Decline her wedding invite and invite them both to yours.

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I would decline to go to her wedding and just send a gift. As far as your wedding, I would keep him invited.

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  • Taylor
    Beginner August 2022
    Taylor ·
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    I wouldn’t be too overly offended by it. It’d bug me for sure, but I see both sides.
    Budget is a huge deal so I can understand where she’s coming from. But my FH and I aren’t even going to his coworkers wedding because, similar to you, you’ve got to get all dressed up, to then drive over an hour, for a 20 min ceremony, to then leave. No way!
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