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Roopchandwedding
Dedicated July 2021

Petty but want some advice lol

Roopchandwedding, on April 14, 2020 at 2:19 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
So my college roommate and I were talking about how since she’s been married she’s lost a lot of friends. She mentioned that people change and it ends up being some of the people you least expected.


Which brings me to my cousin who is like my best friend. She and I have been close for a very long time. Our lives always parallel one another. Without discussing things - our lives are always in sync - for example when I got a new car so did she. So, in April of last year my fiancé proposed to me, she was excited because she knew that within time she would be next. Out of respect for her and other close family/friends, I made sure she was one of the first people to know that I was engaged before I announced it on social media. I was a little heartbroken to find out that she and I spoke for weeks and she didn’t mention that she was engaged. I found out through a mutual friend who saw it on social media that she was engaged who too was deeply upset that it was such a secret or needed to hit social media on New Year’s Day for a blog post.
I congratulated her a month later when I found out, but I must be honest I felt a little sour since she did not give me the same respect that I gave her. I didn’t want to be a downer so I never really expressed how I felt. She mentioned that her grandma is upset with her because she found out through social media and that did not make me feel better, but I told her I agreed since I made the effort to make sure she were first to know before social media.
For the first time I feel like marriage is changing her... I don’t know if she’s upset that she isn’t my maid of honor (I reserved that spot for my sisters), but I did make sure she was in the wedding. Now a part of me is reconsidering - partially because I might not even be in her wedding.
Am I wrong for feeling the way that I do? How do I politely bring it up without making it turn into something that could possibly cause us to not speak anymore.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Roopchandwedding, on April 23, 2020 at 2:56 PM
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Master July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
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    If you already asked her to be a part of your wedding party and you have no real reason to ask her to step down besides that she may not ask you to be in her wedding party is pretty petty. If you already spoke to her about how you felt about not telling you about her engagement before she announced it on social media then you can’t really keep harboring bad feelings so something so small in the grand scheme of things. Is this really a reason to loose years of friendship over ? Either you’re going to let it go or your going to let it drive a wedge between you and her. If you’re not in her wedding you’re not in her wedding. It’s not a friendship competition. Just like you reserved your spot for your sisters she reserved her spots for who she felt was right to be in those positions. I wouldn’t invite negative energy into my wedding plans with something so small. Each of you have your weddings and go on and live your lives. This won’t matter to you in 5 years. It doesn’t have to be a thing if you don’t let it.
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  • Roopchandwedding
    Dedicated July 2021
    Roopchandwedding ·
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    Thanks. You’re right.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    It is a sign of maturity not to take offense, when none was intended. This sounds like your cousin did not say it either because she thought she had already told you, having excitedly told so many people ( and probably wondered why you never said anything like congratulations on your engagement when you talked, or she is one of the 120 million or more people who really don't see that a real, personal sharing of the news, in person or on the phone, should occur before posting anything . ( Also immature, on her part this time.). But there is no malice here. Just less than perfect judgement. And which of us does not do less than perfect ideal things, from time to time, with no idea of hurting anyone?
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  • Sinaya
    Devoted August 2022
    Sinaya ·
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    Hmmmm.....don’t be petty. This doesn’t have to become a thing. Everyone does things in their own way. When a close friend of mine, who is like a sister to me, got engaged a few years ago I found out on social media, and I wasn’t in her wedding either. She and her husband have a lot of sisters and that made up the bride’s side. But when I got engaged last year she was one of the people I called personally before making a big announcement, and I asked her to be my Matron of Honor. Why? Because that is my girl and I could care less about the title of bridesmaid or whatever. We’re different in the way we handle some things and make decisions; same with you and your cousin. Let people do things in their own way, and don’t make your decisions based on what she’s doing for her wedding.
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  • Roopchandwedding
    Dedicated July 2021
    Roopchandwedding ·
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    Thanks Sinaya, I appreciate you sharing similar experience. I will take all that you said into consideration.
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  • Roopchandwedding
    Dedicated July 2021
    Roopchandwedding ·
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    Thanks - maybe you’re right. I appreciate your feedback
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I understand being upset. However, if she didn't even bother telling her own granny that she's engaged before posting it on social media, I don't think it's that shocking she didn't tell you. Different people have different priorities. It seems like you are close, so I don't think it'd be a problem to mention that it upset you. However, I think you should just try not to take it so personally as a slight and more of her just being caught up in her own excitement and wanting to shout it from the rooftop, so to speak.
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  • Roopchandwedding
    Dedicated July 2021
    Roopchandwedding ·
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    Thanks I appreciate your feedback
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  • Fany
    Devoted October 2021
    Fany ·
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    Based on the info you provided, it doesn't sound like she didnt tell you out of ill will/meaness. You mentioned that she didnt tell her grandma either, so maybe she got caught up with her excitement and other priorities. I recommend you keep her in your wedding and roll with the punches. People can change after getting married, I agree.
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  • Roopchandwedding
    Dedicated July 2021
    Roopchandwedding ·
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    Thanks for your feedback
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  • Autumn
    Devoted July 2020
    Autumn ·
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    If you are as close as you claim I think you should just sit down and hash it out! Get everything out into the air, maybe right down everything you want to mention beforehand so you don't forget anything! If you don't want to loose her friendship or her in your life, best thing to do in talk to her.

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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    Well I will say my piece because you asked if you don't have her in the wedding its petty. You started with how close you feel you two are. She's your cousin and good friend. You considered putting her in your wedding because you want her to be by your side with your sisters and you marry your mister. There's nothing wrong with that we are adults now tit for tats are for kids. If she means that much to you let her be in the wedding regardless if you are in hers. Be happy for her. In this time and state of our world. Be kind to one another Celebrate life, don't sweat the small stuff. understand that you are blessed and sometimes we need to pick our battles. If you love her this isnt the battle to pick just be happy and enjoy wedding planning and married life!


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  • Roopchandwedding
    Dedicated July 2021
    Roopchandwedding ·
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    Thanks Naikesha . You’re right.
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  • Roopchandwedding
    Dedicated July 2021
    Roopchandwedding ·
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    That’s what I thought would be a good idea, but others are saying leave it alone. 🤦🏽‍♀️
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