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Canadiangal
Dedicated August 2020

Pet Peeve/rant

Canadiangal, on April 27, 2020 at 10:29 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 19

So we decided to cancel the big wedding and elope with his parents and my sister. The thing bothering me is whenever we talk to someone about the new plan they say "hopefully covid will be over and you can still have a normal wedding." Gahhhh. Eloping was my dream from the start so it's so annoying to hear things like that

19 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on April 30, 2020 at 11:13 AM
  • Braya
    Savvy June 2021
    Braya ·
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    We are in the same boat, I think people are just insensitive to what we are all going through
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    I agree! We cancelled our wedding and are doing an elopement with 10 people present. People assume and comment how we should do a bigger one in the future. We say no, but will do a vow renewal in 5 years.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Maybe people think you feel bad about not being able to have the wedding you planned on your original date and are trying to offer support and reassurance? I'd try to assume they are not intentionally being disrespectful of your new plan. It's awesome your "dream wedding" is now coming to pass, but given that you planned a bigger wedding people might reasonably assume that was your dream. Congrats!

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Yea i think they are probably just assuming that covid ruined your original wedding plans. but that does kind of sound annoying that there hassss to be one type of "normal"

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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I think people just don't know what to say. We eloped and it is everything I didn't want (it is what him and his ex wife did), and therefore, I still dream of an actual wedding celebration. I get to hear, "At least you are married" or "a wedding can be preplanned, there are bigger issues right now." My favorite was, "At least you are married, would you rather be married or have a wedding." Well considering most brides get their special day, I would like to have both. Obviously. Choosing shouldn't have to be an option. There are definitely things that you shouldn't say to a bride who had to give up her wedding celebration. Wedding size aside, people just don't fully know how their words effect us right now.
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  • Katelyn
    Devoted October 2020
    Katelyn ·
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    I agree, people don't know how to offer support right now. I was talking to my cousin about how we plan to just have a small wedding if we can't have our big wedding as planned in October. She kept saying I deserved a "real" wedding and how I'm young and should wait to have the "real" wedding. A wedding is "real" no matter the size - what matters is the two of you getting married! Also, not everyone can put their lives on hold and just play the waiting game until this is all over. It's a big struggle and people don't always offer the best words and can come off offensive 😅 I try to take comments with a grain of salt and just focus on what will make me and my FH happiest, but I can certainly admit that these types of comments get under my skin a bit. Good luck - I hope your wedding is full of all the happiness and love available ❤️
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    That language ("real wedding" vs. "COVID wedding" or eloping) is all over THIS site, too. I had a very small wedding at the courthouse completely by choice, and that choice is constantly assumed to be because of sad circumstances, or settling, or somehow less than. I don't actually care because I know what my plan was and that I carried it out.

    This way of thinking has only been amplified by the current situation because many people are now talking about their own weddings with this language ("we're getting married now but still having our real wedding later").

    I say all this not to say that you should just get over it, but because it will definitely serve you well if you can learn to ignore it. Most people who say things like that are saying much more about their own situations than yours.

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  • Canadiangal
    Dedicated August 2020
    Canadiangal ·
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    Yeah, I'm nervous to tell people that we're eloping and tell them we're not throwing a celebration either
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  • Canadiangal
    Dedicated August 2020
    Canadiangal ·
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    It's very annoying about the feeling like you have to choose. And it makes me feel so selfish for saying "yeah I want a nice wedding" because wanting a nice wedding doesn't mean that's all you care about.
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  • Canadiangal
    Dedicated August 2020
    Canadiangal ·
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    Oh yeah I get what you mean, i don't like hearing "you can just wait, what's the rush?" Exactly, it's been super stressful trying to figure out what to do. That's such a good idea, that's why we decided to elope because we want to be married and we want to feel financially secure
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  • Canadiangal
    Dedicated August 2020
    Canadiangal ·
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    Oh I hate the "we're getting married now but still having our real wedding later" because it's not true. To me the day you say your vows is your wedding day and I hated that when my fiance and I were talking about postponing, we would say real wedding and I didn't like it. Yeah that makes sense, thanks haha
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    I was nervous at first too. My mom wanted us to have a celebration later next year but there's no point. We rather not spend more $
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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Exactly! "Nice" to us meant having our loved ones with us and have a wedding out in nature. Our guest list was only 17 to start with. So those people meant the world to us! I am glad you were able to have your elopement though. What did you two do to make it special? Flowers? Nice homemade dinner?
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  • VIP August 2020
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    Yeah, people saying, "everything will be fine by August," are not helping and not even correct. People might be legally allowed to have larger gatherings by then, but nothing's going to be "normal." I realized after things started being shut down that I am sleeping much better, because I'm not stressing about the wedding now that I don't know if it will happen as planned, so obviously having a giant party was not the best option for me anyway. (It's already been paid for so we will be doing something, but that's a different issue.)
    The way we do everything has been changed in some way because of this, and that includes weddings. But, different =/= bad and no one should try to make you feel bad for changing your plans.
    Also, if you need a response for when someone says, "everything will be fine, you f don't have to elope," just tell them that you don't want them or anyone else to get to get sick at your "normal" wedding. That should be hard to argue with.
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  • Canadiangal
    Dedicated August 2020
    Canadiangal ·
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    Yeah we thought about having a celebration later but we'd rather spend the money on a great honeymoon and furniture.
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  • Canadiangal
    Dedicated August 2020
    Canadiangal ·
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    Exactly! We haven't eloped yet, but we're going to on August 21st
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  • Canadiangal
    Dedicated August 2020
    Canadiangal ·
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    Me and my fiance were talking about this today actually: if we had a big wedding, our grandma's wouldn't be able to come because they're high risk and they're some of the main people we would like to have at the wedding so no back to normal just yet. I don't even think we'd want to book plane tickets in the next year to be honest. Thanks for the support! Lol I like that response!
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  • Jai
    VIP May 2020
    Jai ·
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    Yes I agree!
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  • Laura
    Savvy September 2021
    Laura ·
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    I have to say I'm really glad to hear some positive effects of COVID every once and a while - really happy for you that this allowed you and your SO to have the elopement that you ACTUALLY wanted in the first place!! That's just awesome. Smiley smile

    From the perspective of people saying that to you - I will just say that I myself would be really sad if I had to cancel my wedding. My fiancee and I have been living together for a long time, so the wedding is more of a chance for us to see and celebrate with our friends and family. So they are probably making assumptions that you would feel similarly.

    That said, it's rude to make that assumption and I'm sorry that people are! There are so many families that dominate the way their children get married and it's completely unfair, I'm sorry. I'm in a fortunate position that, although our families are helping us pay, my fiancee and I have been given full control to plan whatever we want (within budget of course).

    Congrats on your elopement and don't let others get you down on your joy!!

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