People threatening to not attend

The people who need to be there will be there no matter what! It’s your day, not an opportunity to have family ruin it by bringing in drama. If I were you, I would request none of them come if they can’t put their problems aside to witness you get married

Don't indulge any of it. If it were me, neither of those parties would be invited since they are not mature enough to attend adult events. They can receive announcements and when they decide to act like adults, they can be invited to future events.

If I was you I'd sit down one on one with them and explain that if they can't act like adults for one day that they both won't be getting an invite. I'd also tell them to keep your name out of their mouths and stop bringing you in their childish drama. Even though they are family and you really want them to be there doesn't mean they should be there. Weddings are stressful enough, you don't need 2 childish family members making it more stressful.

Respond with, "We'll miss you!", to anyone who tries to use their attendance as a threat or means to control the guest list. Call their bluff....

If someone genuinely cares about you then they would be there. Can only think of some serious situations (rape, attempted murder) where it makes since for a person to avoid seeing someone else at a wedding bc of past wrongdoing.

You need to keep distancing yourself from this b.s. and tell both parties, "gee, I'm sorry to hear you won't come. We'll miss you!!"

Ok, so don't involve yourself in it.

If they try to, shut it down.

My mother's family didn't come because they didn't like our invitations. They expected me to freak out, beg them to come, be upset, and generally bewail their pettiness.

We had a great time, I've distanced myself from people who are toxic and drama-prone like that, and I'm in a much better place because of it.

They are adults and must behave like it, or they can take themselves out with the trash.

So I have a similar potential situation - I have an uncle and a cousin who are estranged from each other. My father (uncle's brother and cousin's uncle) and I are estranged from neither and interact with each of them independently of each other.

Both groups will be invited to the wedding. There is a significant chance that one will not attend if the other is. Before invitations go out, I will be notifying both groups that the other is invited. If they don't think they can be civil in the same vicinity, we'll miss them. If they RSVP yes, the expectation is that they will be civil and/or not engage with the other party. Any misbehavior will result in that party being asked to leave the event.

It's their problem, not yours. Just set very clear boundaries and consequences for not complying. Assign a friend or family member to step in if things start to go south.

That said, my relatives in question have not antagonized each other in years, mainly due to being in different time zones. If one of them started something before invitations go out, that may change my mind about extending invitations to the antagonist. But it is my dad's brother and niece and he is paying for the wedding, and that decision may cause a ripple through his siblings, so I think making everyone accountable for their own behavior is a better option.

We have a similar situation going on. FH mom and aunts don’t get along. However, my name is Paul and that’s between y’all. We haven’t told his mom her sisters are invited, it feels weird to invite their children and not them. So we’re inviting everyone and if they want to be children and can’t hold it together for one day, then they can stay home, no hard feelings. I think when you play into this, you’ll end up picking a side without trying or wanting to. Invite everyone out of politeness and if they come they come if not their loss.