People backing out and now guest count is dropping : (

I can imagine it's tough for a destination wedding. I wouldn't consider it "hard to talk people into coming to your wedding", so much as "spend a bunch of money on what is basically a vacation vs. surviving real life". Shit happens Jenny. Shit happens.

Ha. Thanks Margaret. I'm thinking I'll invite some work people and maybe incorporate a late night snack to meet our minimum food total.

I know your pain, but it unfortunately does happen. I had to bite my tongue when a friend whose known about my date for over a year said he couldn't make it because his friend is also getting married that day and she sent the STD first - there is a chance that he knew her date but I have a sinking feeling he knew my date before he knew hers.

I just had to suck it up.

ETA: spelling

Yeah, it's hard. We knew we'd have a small wedding since we don't live near anyone, but it's still kinda sad not having important people come. For us, there is no location in the country where it would be convenient for the majority.

I think the hard part is hearing the excuses...if they just said they couldn't make it, I'd be 100% okay with that...but people feel the need to elaborate so I get things like this gem:

"Well we really want to come and actually my husband already bought a suit, but we bought a cruise ticket after we got your invite and we're usually sick after cruises and so we're not sure if we could make it becasue we might be sick and also we're not sure if our petsitter will watch the dog two times." A simple "we won't be able to make it" is a lot nicer.

My friend just got an RSVP back from a FSIL that said "We'll be coming, but we WILL be coming late." They happen to know FSIL has nothing happening that day...she's just chosen to be late. People are so weird sometimes lol.

You're going to invite people to your DW now? A few weeks beforehand?

Please don't...they'll know they were an afterthought and it seems gift grabby.

I would be offended if I was obviously only being invited to make the minimum. If they didn't make the cut the first time around please don't invite them now. It's rude. Just pay for the extra meals to make the minimum. I'm sorry this is happening as I'm sure it must stink. Your day will be perfect regardless!

Don't invite b list. Spend money on your guests to meet the minimum food requirement like you said. Late night snack, dessert bar that kinda stuff.

How much of a 'destination' is this? Just curious. I'm also afraid that one couple will back out although we're only 2.5 weeks out. It's a friend whose money has always been funny, despite making a great salary. When she RSVP'd I asked if she had booked her plane tickets...no. I doubt she's booked since I asked and the tickets are only getting more expensive so...we'll see. Knowing her, she's probably waiting on her next pay check to come next week.

It happens, just splurge on more food and alcohol to meet minimums.

I have one that may or may not show. Everyone else is already booked and good to go. I will say that you also chose a holiday weekend. If travelling wasn't already a hassle, I honestly don't think you're going to find anyone willing to shell out the money 3 weeks out to travel on a big holiday weekend. As others have mentioned, just meet the minimum by spoiling the heck out of the guests you do have!

Yeah, sometimes people just suck and sometimes life just happens and it can't be helped. I had a few that contacted me only a few days before the wedding to say they couldn't come...illness, the old "something came up." The one that ticked me off the most (and I know this person is a TOTAL flake, so I really should have seen it coming) was a person who originally RSVP'd "yes" but added on her college-age daughter who I do not know and was clearly not invited anywhere on her invite. So, I made the call to let her know that I was sorry, but we couldn't accommodate extra guests but that I hoped she could still come. She said of course, no problem, she would still be there. 2 days before the wedding (you know when EVERYTHING had already been paid for) she decides to tell me she can't come because "she's scheduled to work that weekend." So let me get this straight...you RSVP yes, and even want to bring an extra un-invited person, but you don't have the brains to make sure you request the time off from work? Thank goodness I told her no to bringing her daughter otherwise I would have wasted $200 instead of $100 on her.

I think you should put the funds to upgrade some things rather than trying to invite other people just to fill the seats. They'll know they were B-listed and will probably decline just for that anyway.

1. Look at it positively - less guests means less cost for you.

2. Do NOT do a "B" list. I repeat...do NOT.

3. Life gets in the way and you can't take it personally. People may not be able to go for financial reasons, and you can't fault them for that.

4. Enjoy the guests that do come and enjoy your day. 10 years from now you will not care if your second cousins wife couldn't make it (you get the point).

As others have said, don't b-list. Everyone knows they're second choice. It's likely not an accident that your FI's work friends all said no.

It sucks that your guest attendance isn't what you expected. You said it best, it's not a guarantee with. DW. I'd ask your venue for upgrades rather than trying to meet the minimum. Treat your a-list really well!

This is the reality of DWs. When you're in the stage of envisioning what the wedding will look like, the imagery can overwhelm the reality. Sure, you'll have people who will say, "Sure. Count us in! It sounds great!". Unfortunately, when the rubber hits the road, those people will probably back out for any number of legitimate reasons. The truth is that you can probably rely on your immediate family and best friends to keep the commitment to attend. As time winds down and the pressures of life present themselves, your other guests will instantly drop the discretionary expenses in favor of mandatory expenses. It doesn't surprise me that the three couples you invited from FH's work declined -- after all, you were inviting them to meet your food minimum, and they probably realized that's what you were doing. Why would they use their discretionary income and time off of work to attend your DW? After all, you didn't include them on the original guest list. Your latest idea is to invite a few people from work, despite the fact that your wedding is 24 days away? Don't do that. It's a terrible idea. Not only will they likely decline (because they know they're a desperate afterthought), but that kind of thing will give you a reputation in the workplace you don't want -- and it will survive long after your wedding day is over.

Accept the fact that you chose a DW. Accept the fact that the negatives that come with DWs have interfered with your plans. Have the most beautiful wedding you can with the guests who are attending. Let your venue know that you want the space arranged so that it doesn't have empty tables. You can still have a beautiful wedding, but whatever you do, realize that the guest list is closed. You have to work with what you have.

Could you add a post wedding brunch or something to add to the overall cost? Thats my plan B if my guest list falls below 100. I still have 10 days to my deadline but literally have 40 RSVPs to track down. People suck, life happens, and we just have to clean up the mess. B listing hurts feelings. So not worth it.

I'd never pay for travel to go to a coworkers wedding. Sorry. Just keep a small guest count and save your money and theirs

Expect about 60% not to show. I invited 80 and I'm hoping I get 40 max. But like you, some have said they are going but I'll believe it when they are booked.

One of the reasons people have destination weddings is to keep the guest count small, while not offending people by failing to invite them. But the converse of that is that you don't know how many people will decide not to come because it's a destination wedding, or which ones.

Inviting people this late to a destination wedding is more likely to offend them than to make them happy. Just enjoy the fact that the declines are enabling you to host the guests you do have better.

Honestly I chose a destination wedding to reduce the guest list. I know it's hard to accept and sometimes hurts when people don't come but you need to have a little compassion. Nobody cares as much about our weddings as we do.

I would hate for someone to come to my wedding and set them back some way, financially or whatever. As someone else said, shit happens, it would happen even if you had it close. Things just happen.

Hi everybody-sorry for the late response. It's more of a destination wedding for our families. We live in Colorado and are having it here, but 80% of our guests are coming in from out of state because we both moved here on our own. The coworkers are in town and had been hinting at wanting to go, but I definitely understand what you all are saying about them feeling like B list guests. I think I'm going to spend the extra money on to-go boxes of some midnight snacks which can double as favors since I hadn't planned on doing favors.