People assuming they're invited

They don't know that you're not at capacity.

If you make it about budget, they'll probably just offer to pay.

Good point! Thanks

I just told people it was a family only wedding because of space issues. La Grosera is correct, there's no way anyone will know whether or not you're actually at capacity.

Most people were understanding.

We had this exact same situation. We wrote a general statement if emailed/texted about it... and if asked in person I would simply respond "we actually aren't going to do a big wedding but instead are going to have the whole family get together later on in the month to celebrate"

We then asked our parents to stick to that same line as well.

Our solution? Either doing a night of drinks out (not on our tab) or we were going to do a potluck and have everyone get together .... we stuck with the potluck idea so that kids could come as well and this way we were not financially responsible but could still celebrate with them

People are going to be offended and that's fine. You have to realize they probably weren't in your same situation and so they won't understand regardless of how hard you try . So just don't stress and enjoy your small wedding!!!

I agree with Leah. Also. I would definitely stay away from budget as a reason. I made that mistake once and said due to budget, we weren't able to give single friends a plus one and that ended up with the person asking how much we were paying per person. It got super uncomfortable because they were trying to get to the point they'd pay for their guest and got weird.

I can relate, tried the small thing and they just offered to do a cookout and thought we wanted something more simple lol.

I just got a text out of the blue from a coworker yesterday

CW: "when is your wedding?"

Me: 6/17

CW: cool its on the books, we will be there.

Me: ( to myself) whaaaa??

Me: in text "ok"

I sent STDs in Dec. I didn't give them to any CWs. It amazes me what people assume.

@Anne next time someone texts you something like that, I'd recommend not saying anything back at all. Your saying "ok" probably gives them the impression that you actually are going to invite them. They're obviously still wrong for approaching you like that but responses like yours can be really easy for overly excited folks to misconstrue.

Just nicely tell them that you're having a small ceremony and unfortunately can't accommodate all of your extended loved ones.

LG

I looked at FH and said "add 2 more" now I feel compelled to invite him and his SO.

Problem is there are 3 other CWs in that office that will now expect an invite too. And they all have SOs. I'm betting 2 of those 3 will plan to come too even though it's 9 hours away from where we all live.

So much for being "nice"

I would not give an excuse -- not budget or capacity -- some people will look for "solutions." Like well Uncle Joe can't make it, so there is room for cousin Kate. Just say sorry, cannot accommodate everyone, lets do lunch later.

@private user no a potluck is not a good idea

I've had this situation that's why I try to avoid telling people about the wedding because they automatically want to be there

You to CW: I'm so sorry, but we're having a small wedding and won't be able to invite everyone we'd love to have there.

If it upsets her so what. She should be be embarrassed for assuming.

Thanks for the advice!

"We appreciate you wanting to celebrate with us, but due to varying circumstances we had to make some tough decisions."