People assuming they're invited WHEN THEY'RE NOT! HELP!

Of course that's incredibly rude for her to ask why she wasn't invited. Unfortunately, that is a risk you run when you don't invite in circles (not that you did anything wrong, it's just a fact). I wouldn't address what the invited guest texted you, it's non of their business and if they are going to be rude, then Lisa could ask you herself. Then I would call Lisa and tell her the deal. That you have a very limited guest allowance, and that since they don't know your FH as well you had to make some hard choices (as little explanation as you want is fine, you don't owe them your reasoning). Do you parents know they aren't invited? Get them on the same page and have them address it with Lisa (since Lisa is your parents' friend, after all). Good luck, make sure you handle this though otherwise they will just show up.

Depending on how close you are, this might be something that your parents should address, as they are their friends not yours. However, simply say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but due to budget and venue restrictions we had to keep our guest list small and were not able to invite everyone we would have liked to have with us to celebrate. Unfortunately this means we had to choose between people who were important to us and we just weren't able to include Lisa and her husband. It was a very difficult decision that we had to make and we hope that everyone understands our dilemma and there are no hurt feelings. We hope that you and your husband are still able to come and celebrate with us."

I would say something along the lines of:

"Unfortunately we are restricted to a very small number of guests with our venue, so we didn't send out an invite to Lisa and several other people that we would have otherwise invited. I wish I would have known sooner that Lisa was planning on coming so that I could have communicated the intimate nature of our wedding plans to her before she booked a hotel."

Honestly, it's rude for someone to assume they are coming to your wedding without being invited. It's unfortunate that they already booked a room but why would they do so without ever being invited to the wedding?

My FH has divorced parents, and both sets have a million friends. So we just told them you both get 3 couples each, and that's it. For your dilemma, I wouldn't say anything myself, I would tell FI about the issue and get him to deal with it. His side of the family, his problem to fix it

Thanks for the advice and wording! It is very helpful. My parents know that Lisa and her family are not invited, and were actually upset about it, so it will be something I need to address on my own...

The worst part is that we are SO limited on space for guests to stay. (Like I mentioned it is a wedding weekend and our guests are staying in cabins on the venue's property.) So the fact that she booked a cabin on her own means one of our actual guests will not have one.

"Lisa, I couldn't fit everyone. I'm so sorry, but you weren't invited. There wasn't enough room. Perhaps when we return from the honeymoon we can do dinner to catch up."

That's what I've been telling my friends. Mainly because mine is family only. (125 people and 99.9% is family. We just couldn't do friends. Luckily my friend are also awesome and when I said its family only they understood!)

Maybe one of your guests can purchase the room from Lisa since she won't be attending?

Texted my mom about it and her response is that my dads feelings are hurt because he really wants Lisa's husband there. And that it would make him happy if I were to invite them.

SERIOUSLY?!

This has been an issue from the beginning and keeps getting worse. My dad wants the family there, my fiancé doesn't. And my fiancé won't budge on not wanting Lisa's family there. This is a mess.

It's your wedding. The answer is no.

It's no one else's decision.

Uh oh..I think it's probably time to talk to Lisa directly. I agree with others that its rude for her to think she was invited when she wasn't and I don't think it's the business of the other friend. Tell Lisa there was a misunderstanding and then see if a different guest can buy her room.

But what about when your parents are paying for the majority of the wedding? My dad is the kind of person/ hothead that would "pull the plug"

Oh... if they are paying for the wedding they can invite whoever they want.

If your parents are paying, how are they not aware of the venue's space limitation?

Seriously, i don't understand this whole thing of parents inviting their friends to weddings! especially when the Bride and Groom have to cut people they would like there.

idk no suggestion to give you i just had to throw that out there.

I guess i lucked out with my parents and FILs neither have friends that they are inviting (although FMIL probably would have if we had the room)

sorry that sucks alot.

ETA: also i am not sure why this lady would have booked a cabin/ or thought she was invited without any inclination from someone that she had been. Did your dad/mom happen to say something to her that would have given her the impression she was invited.

Your fiancé should have much more say over your guest list than your father. If your father pulls the plug on the wedding because he can't have one of his friends there then I wouldn't want him funding any part of my wedding. I would give your father a call and let him know why Lisa and her husband won't be attending, if he doesn't respect that you have two options 1. give in and let him have his way leaving one of your guests without accommodations 2. let him know that this is your wedding and you and your fiancé will ultimately determine who is and who is not invited, if he decides to cut funding because of that pay for the wedding yourself.

@lucy- do you really think so??? I would still think they should respect the bride and groom's preferred guest list. We showed them a copy in the beginning and gave them the opportunity to make changes.

@purplekitten - basically they sign the checks and smile and nod. My mom is somewhat involved but my dad just interjects occasionally to complain about something. I definitely told them about the limitation though.

@surfergirl86- I'm glad you are on the same page! It is ridiculous! I know the entire group of friends have talked about the wedding together. Its a big deal to all of them since I am the first "kid" to be getting married. Lisa must have found our wedding website and done everything on her own from there.

Of course they should respect the B/G guest list. If they were trying to invite most of the guestlist with just their friends, leaving out your/FH's friends & family then no that's not okay. But if they are paying for most of it (or any of it at all), they should be able to invite at least a couple of their friends. If that means 2 less of your friends then so be it.. if you want to invite all your friends then you probably need to pick up more of the bill.

ETA: Don't get me wrong, it was definitely super rude of her to assume she's invited.

Technically, whoever is paying does have some say as to what their money goes for, however you're right that the wishes of the bride and groom should be considered above their own desires for their son or daughter's wedding, but not all parents take this into consideration, unfortunately, and are more interested in planning the wedding that they want than the wedding their child wants.

That being said, if your dad is getting upset about this, you need to talk to him and explain the issue with Lisa and her husband and why you don't feel comfortable having them at your wedding. Also, you're getting to the point that you need to be sending your wedding invitations out shortly and let your dad know that he's known about the guest list for a long time and if he had an issue, he should've spoken up sooner. It really adds more stress to you when everything gets piled on you last minute. You have a bunch of other things that need to be taken care of and if this was an issue before, it should've been addressed sooner, not held off on.

If they're paying, I think you have to invite Lisa's family. Sorry.

If your dad is paying and he usually doesn't give much of an opinion on things...I think you should let him invite Lisa and hubby. I think you should try to squeeze them in, sorry to say. Super rude of Lisa though. Edit:spelling