Heather
Expert September 2018

People asking to come to the wedding now..

Heather , on July 2, 2018 at 10:31 AM Posted in Planning 0 21
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I thought we made our guest lists and we already sent out all of our invites.
But after posting our e-pics on fb some people have started asking if they are invited they want to come.
They were not invited...but fmil has messaged me their names.
Ive never met or heard of them until now.
When we first started planning it was going to be a small wedding 30 to 40 ppl and its grown to 60 to 70
Now 7 more ppl want to come :/
Fmil already keeps saying she worries if everyone shows up it will be too crowded
Should I invite the extras or somehow nicely say no?
Is it worth fighting over?

21 Comments

Latest activity by BaccanoBride, on July 2, 2018 at 2:42 PM
  • Kristina
    Master August 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag

    Just say no, you do not have room. People asking to be invited are in the wrong here, remember that!

    Just politely say "Unfortunately at this time we are at maximum capacity." And leave it at that. No negotiating, nothing. No is a complete sentence!

    • Reply
  • Jillian
    Devoted August 2018
    Jillian ·
    • Flag
    Unfortunately you cannot accommodate everyone who wants to come or been sometimes everyone you want to come. If you’ve already sent invitations out, then I would say you’re done. Unless someone says something directly to you I wouldn’t even acknowledge it. If someone says something to you, you can say something along the lines of “we’re trying to keep our wedding small and unfortunately we were able to invite everyone”
    • Reply
  • T
    Super December 2018
    T P ·
    • Flag
    I'm sorry you feel pressure to invite individuals who were not originally on your guest list. It is entirely your prerogative to invite or to not invite guests to your wedding. If you feel uncomfortable extending an invitation, I encourage you to politely respond no if they ask to be invited. Best of luck!
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
    • Flag

    Say no, unfortunately you do not have the room. If I invited everyone who said they wanted to come, it'd be WAY more than we can afford.

    My FMIL wanted to invite some people who I never met and FH never speaks to because they are his moms friends, not ours. She told them we were in charge of the guest list and didn't know if they'd be invited or not.

    It made FH and I look like the bad guys but idc. I don't want people there I don't know and would probably never talk to after the wedding either. Its our special day to be with people we care about, its not a show for just anyone and everyone.

    • Reply
  • T
    Expert September 2018
    Tia_Fred ·
    • Flag
    I had the same thing happen to me and i don't even talk to the people so I said we dont have enough room sorry. We do have the room but we don't even talk to these ppl and now that we are getting married they want a invite. So i said it very nice and they said oh ok ty and I said if I had the room u would of been able to come and they seemed ok with it
    • Reply
  • DC Wife 10.27.18
    Master October 2018
    DC Wife 10.27.18 ·
    • Flag

    Tell her and anyone who asks you that you do not have room. Stand firm. Do not budge. You are not wrong. The people who are asking for an invitation are. I cannot even imagine doing such a thing.

    • Reply
  • Little Star
    Expert April 2019
    Little Star ·
    • Flag
    Yep, as PP have said you just have to tell them no. Can’t accommodate/no room/budget are all good reasons. It sucks and it’s awkward but necessary unfortunately. It’s rude for people to ask if they’re invited anyway. Hope it all works out!
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Dedicated May 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Another reason to consider not posting everything on Facebook...
    • Reply
  • Soon2Bmrsp
    VIP May 2019
    Soon2Bmrsp ·
    • Flag

    I did my list over the weekend and I have 58ppl and I'm going to go back over it and see who else I can cut...FH just sent me his list and it's 60 people. He hasnt even included coworkers yet so he said he needs to cut down people because he's not inviting everyone. We told the venue 100 and we are already over. Now we figured 125 was probably doable if we went over but now we may be thinking 150 and that's not doable for me.

    • Reply
  • DC Wife 10.27.18
    Master October 2018
    DC Wife 10.27.18 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I don't really agree with this. Its kind of like blaming the victim. Grown ups should know better than to ask for invitations to weddings. She should be able to share her pictures.

    • Reply
  • c
    Super May 2019
    c ·
    • Flag

    No! Especially if it's not in your budget, you've never met them, or it'll be overcrowded. Don't feel bad saying no if you have to.

    • Reply
  • Pegs
    VIP July 2018
    Pegs ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Agreed. Posting engagement photos, which is sharing memories and joy with your social circle, should not be an excuse to ask to be invited to a wedding. Asking for an invitation is beyond rude. I can't even fathom the audacity people have in asking that.

    • Reply
  • Lourdes
    Dedicated August 2018
    Lourdes ·
    • Flag
    Just say...

    We would love but can not invite extras. I’m sorry but we had planned on 30 to 40 guest & already extended it to 60 to 70 guest we can not afford any more guest.
    Its not rude or shouldn’t cause any problems budgets are budgets point blank. I’m not sure how far into it with planning & paying for things but everything adds up & you will spend more than you even budget for because things pop up & depending where you live some things are more expensive.
    • Reply
  • Saydee
    Super August 2019
    Saydee ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    We are in exactly the same boat. We planned for 100, but now all these people my mom keeps in touch with are asking about where's their invite. We cut a lot down to 115, but a lot more are asking about it and it's creeping back up. I think I may be lucky because a lot are possibly going to decline because it will be an out of town wedding for all but 3 guests so we may end up less than 100 (WIN!)
    • Reply
  • Soon2Bmrsp
    VIP May 2019
    Soon2Bmrsp ·
    • Flag
    I planned for some no's too
    • Reply
  • Saydee
    Super August 2019
    Saydee ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I wouldn't even say we can't afford because that then opens the door for someone to say that they won't eat, or can pay for their plate, etc.

    Just say we are at the max for our guest list and while we would have loved to invite everyone, there is just not enough room and hope you can understand.
    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
    • Flag

    Dont respond to the rude people on Facebook, let that sit as is.

    Tell your FMIL no, is she paying for all of this? Pretty rude of her to just send you names etc.

    • Reply
  • c
    Super May 2019
    c ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this 100%. You don't owe them any explanation and if you want to offer one, say you're maxed out for the guest list as it already stands and you can't accommodate more.

    • Reply
  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
    • Flag

    Just because they want to come doesn't mean you have to invite them. I've had coworkers and my ex sister in law tell me they can't wait for their invite. Sorry you'll be waiting a long time cause it's not coming.

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't invite people you weren't going to invite initially!

    • Reply

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