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Just Said Yes October 2020

Paying minister

Jordan, on January 11, 2020 at 10:39 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 12

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My fiancé asked his childhood pastor to officiate our wedding. He hasn’t seen him in close to 10 years but always really liked him. The pastor said he was glad to do it and when my fiancé asked about fees he said he didn’t want to be paid. His reasoning was that he knows money is tight starting out married right out of college and was honored to do it for us.

What is the right etiquette in this situation? Should we just get him a nice gift? Or put cash in a thank you card anyway? If we should do a gift please share some thoughtful ideas.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Suzanne, on January 12, 2020 at 6:44 PM

Devoted October 2020
A · on January 11, 2020 at 10:44 PM
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I wouldn’t give him money anyway- it kind of undermines him in a way? I would definitely get a nice thank-you gift though, along with a heartfelt thank you note about what it meant to you that he did this. Sometimes a sincere thank you is the best gift
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on January 11, 2020 at 10:47 PM
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I think giving him money would probably upset him at this point honestly, I’d just get him a gift! Maybe treat him to a nice dinner or something too?
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Jordan · on January 11, 2020 at 10:49 PM
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Thank y’all ! I didn’t think about it possibly being rude to give him money. I was just thinking he might have been being polite. We will come up with something much more thoughtful !!
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Champion November 2016
LB · on January 12, 2020 at 12:52 AM
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We're Jewish but we made a donation to the synagogue our Rabbi led. I think we donated $500.
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VIP October 2021
Monica · on January 12, 2020 at 1:08 AM
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I would give a gift And card saying thank you.
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Savvy June 2019
Sarah · on January 12, 2020 at 1:42 AM
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We made a donation to the church on behalf of him officiating our wedding. I think that’s relatively common.
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October 2020
Fleur · on January 12, 2020 at 7:41 AM
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I would do cash anyway, in this case something like $100. It’s not obscenely high/low, but shows your genuine thankfulness for his time.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on January 12, 2020 at 9:06 AM
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I wouldn’t give cash but maybe a gift card for a nice dinner or a donation to his church is a great idea!
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Dedicated September 2021
Adwoa · on January 12, 2020 at 10:49 AM
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A donation to his church in his honor would be nice. Also if he is coming from out of town or has to travel far maybe paying for some travel expenses?
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Devoted June 2020
· on January 12, 2020 at 1:48 PM
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My pastor said the same thing, doesn’t want to be paid but we are still budgeting some money for him. We might do a donation to his church instead if he really doesn’t want a check.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on January 12, 2020 at 1:56 PM
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My family is a big fan of the "restaurant gift card thank you". A thank you card with a note and a $50 gift card to a casual dining restaurant is a standard thing.
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Dedicated July 2021
Suzanne · on January 12, 2020 at 6:44 PM
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My cousins had family members DJ and officiate their weddings, who offered their services for free. The brides offered a thank you card with $100, but the family members returned it to them as a wedding gift.
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