Paying for your own wedding when your parents want to pay but also want to dictate

I would give them something small and unimportant to 'help' with to shut them up, personally. You could say "Hey parents, thank you so much for the offer - we know exactly what we want and already have taken care of this ourselves, but we still have [rehearsal dinner, day after brunch, etc] unplanned and if you would like you could handle that?"

OR the ever popular option of saying "No."

I understand the anxiety of not wanting to deal with them when you say no, as I also hate confrontation. So as I said, I'd find something that did not matter to me and just let them do that thing exactly as they want so it keeps them busy and satisfied. But try not to be afraid to just say no and change the subject if either you don't want to do that, or it doesn't work.

Agree with pp, give them the task of something even if it is recearching the best venders

Pay for it yourself, it's so worth it. Mine went from dramallama-triple-my-budget-land to a tiny wedding with exactly what we wanted that's costing us 5K. In a major city. We also have a short engagement (6 months total) but I'm so stressfree right now it's amazing.

Agree with PP about them doing the rehearsal dinner or the bridal shower if they want.

Definitely agree with the above, and if they are insisting they pay for something maybe just give them a small task like rehearsal dinner?

"No" is a complete sentence.

There is a phrase many on WW use. "No pay, no say". If you are accepting contributions from your parents, they ultimately get a say in how the money is spent (i.e. a "say" in your "day" because they "pay"). If you pay for your own wedding, you do not have to cater to anyone else's opinions.

A simple "No" works. Alternatively, you could a) say "Thank you for your suggestions. FH and I haven't made any final decisions yet, but we will consider this idea." b) say "Thank you for your offer to contribute to our wedding day. We have thought a lot about our wedding day and have a lot of ideas and plans in place, so we would like to pay for our wedding ourselves. We are excited for you to be an honored guest and celebrate the day with us!" c) absolutely STOP discussing your wedding with anyone. People always ask - just give a generic, light hearted response and change the topic.

Put on your bridal balls. You're an adult; you should be able to have the difficult conversations with loved ones, because well, you love them/they love you. Be polite, gracious, appreciative, and firm.

Haha Vicki, as hard as some of those truths are, you are absolutely correct and you totally made me laugh thank you! Your guys' responses have been super helpful. Just trying to arm myself so I'm better prepared for some of the convos I know are coming.

@Kristin I totally get it. My family might as well be the modern day version of stars on Jerry Springer sometimes. I've got divorces, affairs, illegitimate children, alcoholism, anger issues... that was only between me and FHs parents/stepparents.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't elope. This wedding planning shit is for the birds.

If it were me (knowing my family anyway) I would be straight up and honest. "I appreciate your willingness to help and am grateful to accept but not if it means you have the final say. This is my wedding and I want it a certain way. If that means I pay for it myself, so be it." But again, knowing my family and how easy going they are anyway, it wouldn't be a problem to say that. I realize not everyone would take that too well. Lol.

Here's how you show your appreciation, especially if you've already experienced the strings attached to the wedding funding offered by a parent: "Thank you, but no thank you."

It's really that easy, and the fewer words you incorporate into your refusal, the fewer potential drama issues will arise.