Paying for your own bachelorette?

I think that is very generous of you to want to pay for everything but i don't recommend it. i mean it's seriously so thoughtful of you to want to shoulder the financial burden away from your friends but you also have to keep in mind that it doesn't seem like anyone is gonna want to let you do that because i sure as hell wouldn't. at my bachelorette i didn't pay a single thing and it wasn't because i didn't want to - it's because none of them would let me. so i am pretty sure your friends are going to want to contribute financially. the only other thing i can think of is making a day or weekend where things are more low cost or where some of your girlfriends COULD opt out of certain activities

That is so generous of you! If the out-of-town friends are the ones you are concerned about, maybe you can pay for their flights. If it’s a combo of your local and out-of-town friends, maybe pay flights for those coming in from out-of-town and one or two of the more expensive activities for the whole group. That would allow you to help take a good bit of the financial load off of them while still allowing them to contribute in some way!

This is really generous of you, but honestly I don't recommend it. This is why the bride isn't supposed to plan the bachelorette. Someone else who's planning it should be talking to everyone and discussing budgets and trying to figure it out. It isn't considered polite to plan your own bach party, so planning it and offering to pay for it could come off as insulting to your BMs/MOH.

I've always found that if you want to contribute you just have to do it and ask for forgiveness not permission!

I managed to cover my accommodations, a group meal, and our group's open bar tab one night by having using my sister as a cover - I had my sister insist on paying for them and I secretly covered the costs. 😉

View Quoted Comment Tee hee! Very clever of you, Lynnie. 👍

I love that you’ll spend so generously but I think there’s other ways. Why not offer to pay for some hotels -suites possibly -where everyone could stay? Let your girls know you want local to keep cost down.

I feel as this if you can afford it and this is what you want why not?! I'm the same way i dont look at it as if " well i shouldn't be paying bc its to celebrate me about to get married" if you know your girlfriend some of them not financially stable why not go ahead and book uour own event. Idk this is just my opinion.

Typo ****your*****

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Thanks for your input! As an FYI I won't be having a MOH or BMs. I'm having a small wedding (50ish people), and if all my close girlfriends + my sister were my BMs, There wouldn't be any women left in the audience besides my mom haha.

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This is a cool idea. My sister will be joining and she would be very open to having me pay for things I think (she totally gets where I'm coming from). This is clever, thanks!

If one of your friends has started thinking about planning I would share your concerns over some of the girls being on tighter budgets. You might be able to say you’ll pay for a % or an amount of whatever the cost of the events they’re planning for you. I think you should stay away from planning for the whole thing yourself, but offering to subsidise the cost is generous and you can probably find a way to work it out. Usually things are split anyway so they could split the expenses AFTER your money towards it. Whoever is organising could come up with a realistic estimate of the cost to reflect this. I would be open with them in saying that you would love to have it local and what’s important is getting to spend time with your friends. I would also say to the organiser that you would be happy to host all your friends who have to travel in at your house and make it clear that there will be no hotel expenses. I’d also reach out to each person individually and say something like “I don’t know the details of the bach but I’d be happy to make sure the expense isn’t a factor in making it. I would LOVE for you to be there for me and please let me know if there’s anything that would make it easier for you to attend”

If you can host it, I'd go for it! The girls that want to contribute financially will do things like buy drinks & meals, buy you gifts, buy silly things like crowns/sashes, so don't stress about that! I didn't pay for all my bachelorette, but we did do it in Southern CA so me and my MOH were the only ones that I had to fly in. I bought all the groceries, made favors for everyone, paid for dinner & drinks the first night for everyone, and all the ubers. I think they appreciated it a lot!

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Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I really like a lot of the ideas here. I do think one of my local friends will probably take on planning it, so I can discuss with her, let her know where my head is at, and I think she'll understand.

I like the idea of covering some parts or some percent. I have a restaurant I want to eat dinner at one night, and a spa I'd like to visit. I could be up front and say I'll cover those two things (probably the two most expensive events of the whole thing), and everything else would be more reasonable. I was also thinking of offering for one night to be at my apartment. I could give the keys to my friends, they could plan whatever they want and do it while I'm out doing something else, but then the cost is just store bought alcohol and goodies and takeout, rather than a night out and an expensive dinner. Takeout and drinks at home can last all night and only cost $25-30 per person.

I also really like the idea of just reaching out to everyone individually and saying that sort of message. It lets them know how much more I value their presence than anything else, and that we can be flexible in the planning to accommodate them if it's a make or break thing for them.