Paying for the wedding

It's incredibly rude to ask someone else to pay for your wedding. Plan the wedding that you can afford and if they offer, great. If not, it's your responsibility.

I say keep paying for it yourself! That way, you are 100% in control of the entire thing, and people can only give suggestions and not hold money over you to get what they want!

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I don't think it's rude to ask parents if they would be willing to contribute if you know they may have the desire/capacity to do so. If they say they are unable, end of story and yes, continue to plan with a budget that works for you. However, I don't think it's right to flat out say it's "incredibly rude" to even ask. Everyone has a different relationship with their families.

You really don't need to even start planning things until September-December 2020 so I'd wait until then and see if anyone offers to pay. If not, I'd just start budgeting whatever you and your fiance can afford.

You're probably going to get a lot of comments telling you to not ask because its rude, but i see your points. What you don't want to hear is that you should have the wedding withing your means, but it's TRUE. Approaching your parents about helping may not be looked well on, but you can start a discussion with the above points and ask if they'd consider putting some money into your wedding fund. Make it seem more like a joint effort but also know if they put in money they get some say.

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It's great that you have a different opinion, that's what the OP was asking for. In my culture, when two adults decide to throw a party, they pay for it. Getting married is a right, throwing a party to celebrate is a privilege. If you can't afford to throw that party, you shouldn't ask anyone else to do it for you.

View Quoted Comment Thank you all . It’s not like I’m going to force anyone to pay for our wedding like I said it’s two years away so we can afford to save but at the same time I know numerous people that asked their family for help and got it.

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Totally understood. Both sides of our families were so excited when we finally got engaged (after 7 years of dating) and told us right away that they wanted to help with the wedding. Their help has made a huge difference but we are still paying for a large chunk ourselves - we are very grateful for their offer to contribute.

When I first started planning I was hell bound that I was going to pay for it all, after all it’s my wedding and no one else should have to pay for that. But my future mil insisted I mean insisted on giving us money and paying for the rehearsal dinner. Further along in planning my mother offered to pay for the dj if we used her friend, he played at my sisters wedding and really wasn’t bad, so small compromise there but saving some money. My ffil loves going to auctions and flea markets and we were in the market for about 60 silver candlesticks for our centerpieces, so we just asked that he keep an eye out for any- well he and his wife took that and ran and purchased all our candle sticks for us. I was joking with my step father, we have that kind of a relationship, about paying for my invitations and he said he would pay for them seriously.


Long story short if family wants to help they will find a way to do it. It doesn’t have to be straight cash they can help with something specific that you need.

I would have an open dialog with your family about if they are able to help. Make sure you are clear that them helping is generous and you would be very grateful, but also you are just fine without it.

If your father in law is controlling, give him the breakdown of what everything costs and let him pick which thing he wants. If you go this way, make sure you are very clear that he will be paying for what you and your FH pick. So if he decides he is paying for cake, its the cake that you two want and he gets no say. If he doesn't like that, then he can just give you the money for whatever, or not help at all

We paid for everything and then our families gave us money as a gift at the wedding which helped us recuperate

I wouldn't outright ask, but you can have the conversation with both your families about what your plans are. They may hear what you are planning and be inspired to offer help without you asking. I think the issue with asking is often that families feel put on the spot and may later resent feeling like they were "expected" or "forced" to pitch in. Be prepared that if they pitch in money, there will probably be people that they want to invite or plans that they would like to see come to fruition. Our wedding looked very different from what my husband and I would have done on our own, but my parents paid for it, so we felt we needed to honor their wishes.

This was a touchy thing for my in-laws. After we got engaged, they never said anything to us about contributing, so I wanted to sit down with them & ask if they would be willing. In retrospect, I really don't think that would've been a good idea and probably would have rubbed them the wrong way, especially considering my FIL was against our engagement for a few months. If you have a solid, more open relationship with them, I'd say you could probably talk to them and explain you are planning on paying your own way but you're open to any financial assistance as well.

I know what you mean by your family (FIL in this case) being controlling with money. My parents originally wanted to contribute funds for our wedding, but they also wanted to run the show & get what they wanted out of it before even giving us any money (inviting their friends I've never met/spoken to & saying I wasn't allowed to invite my biological mother, to name some things), so we told them to keep their contribution & we would pay for it all ourselves. So I guess just be conscious of that, too. Contributions 9 times out of 10 come with conditions.

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If they have the desire/capacity to do so, they'd offer without you asking.

I invited my mom and fiance's mom in on the planning and they each on their own have offered to pay for things. Not that we were looking for it, but it will probably come naturally. My mom offered to pay for my dress, veil and cake (I'm going small for their sake) and my inlaws offered to pay our open bar and rehearsal dinner - they're very traditional. I would say if you are that far out you may be pleasantly surprised that they may already plan to chip in or consider not doing a registry. Then your guests will predominately gift you cash.

Definitely do not ask. Omg. You got this. Just budget like ya life depends on it.

My parent's and I are very close and they frequently offer to contribute financially and physically to whatever I have going on. So far, they haven't offered to contribute to the wedding but that doesn't bother me. Of course, the help would be great and very appreciated but it would also be cool to say we paid for our wedding ourselves. Either way, I'll be happy. My SO is against asking his parents for help and they are not the type to offer so we won't be hoping for anything from them.

I would keep doing what you're doing. You said you have time to save and you're managing your budget well. I would stick to that and if they offer, then it will be a pleasant surprise or you could have most of your expenses figured out by that time and use the gift to honeymoon or save up, etc. You might also like knowing you and your honey handled your own wedding for the most part. You got this!