Paying for part of bm dress or giving a gift?

I will always prefer $ toward my own expenses for your wedding. So i vote money toward the dress for sure.

Money towards the dress would be nice. But I don't really wear jewlery so I may be biased.

Money toward the dress would be nice, but you will find some groups of people that say that’s not actually a “gift” for your BMs because it’s going toward something they are required to wear for your wedding.



Some suggest shopping for each person as if you’re getting them something for birthday or Christmas.

View Quoted Comment Haha that was just an example because I couldn’t really think of anything haha. I’d make sure it was either something they all liked and would use or something different for each of them

View Quoted Comment That is a fair point, thank you for the advice!


Specific, personalized gifts would be my plan if I didn’t find a common thing they’d all really enjoy. I love giving gifts so this would be the more fun option for *me* haha but I want to be cognizant of their preferences!

Personally, I'd prefer help towards paying for a dress, but that might not be the popular opinion across the board. Like Erin said, some people won't consider it a gift since it's something that'll be used for your wedding rather than something specifically for them.

I will be right on cue with PP to say paying toward the dress is of course a very nice gesture, and would no doubt save your friends money, but it can in no way be considered a "gift" since it's something they are buying for your wedding that they would not otherwise have had to purchase.

I would either do both or just the necklace.

View Quoted Comment My opinion still stands. I don't expect any gift for being in a friend's wedding. I'm happy to be there and not having to pay for much is the best gift of all.

I would definitely rather have my wedding expenses covered. I can see the argument that it’s not really a gift, but being able to stand with my friend AND doing it for free sounds great. I see this as different than, for example, “gifting” getting ready PJs and not something more personal. No matter what, I would have to get a dress so the gift of not having to shell out for it would be totally appreciated by me. Another alternative is to see if your bridesmaids already have dresses in their closet that would work with your color scheme and theme (or picking those based on what they already have), so that neither party has to buy a new dress and you can spend that money on the gift.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. The custom of the couple covering attendant/guest costs is very common outside of the US but is becoming a trend in the US that not all couples can afford. While it’s a nice gesture, these things really are the responsibility of the attendants or guests depending. When the friends are approached to ask if they want to be bridesmaids, the cost of the dresses and accessories needs to be made clear at that time. If they can’t afford to pay, then respect that and let them be a guest instead, while choosing a designer who is not expensive for those who do accept the position because they realistically will never be worn again. Jewelry is also the responsibility of the bridesmaid, but the wedding industry pushes it as a gift, which it is not because they are rarely worn after the wedding. All of those are not gifts.


Because so many pay hundreds and thousands of dollars, which is not true for all bridesmaids, and they are spending time and PTO participating beyond the wedding day, which is money as well, they need an appropriate thank you gift that is not wedding related in the least. That is why it is so frequently recommended to get a gift that you would give for a birthday related to their individual interests. So many “bridesmaid thank you gifts” that are found on Amazon or Etsy are generally considered to be props for the wedding day pictures, not gifts for them.

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Same, what do i need a gift for? I stand there, it's not rocket science and i'd probably be there anyway. If it's a "thank you" for making BM's pay for their own stuff, then brides are missing the point, imo. I know it's common, but it's really obnoxious to make BM's pay for their own dresses/hair/makeup/etc anyway.

I am feeling my age here, I have never had a bride help me cover costs for my dress. That was not the norm "back in the day." I always covered my dress, shoes, and accessories as well as lodgings, travel, etc.

My bridal party refused to let me pay for their attire at all, I did get them each a necklace to match their outfits, but it's not a requirement for them to wear them and they don't know it's coming. I did buy some hair accessories for them, and they were unhappy that I bought it before they could. They argue with me about everything, right down to covering the costs of their cabins while they stay here. And the money I sent since they are handling all of the food too.

What I did do is provide options for my laid back wedding, I let them choose their tops which were $65, but I chose their specific colors. They all opted for a top from Holy Clothing with black slacks and whatever black shoes they'd prefer. The tops can be worn for other things. In fact one bridesmaid already had the top in another color and often wears it to work.

As for their gifts, I've included coffee cups and keurig pods (coffee is our matching love language) with keurig pods, a silver bracelet, and of course their necklaces. I'm still trying to cover their cabins, though 1 snuck in and beat me to the deposit, but I'll be beating them to paying them off.

We also have a track record of arguing over who covers lunch/dinner, etc. That's just how we roll.