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Amber
Savvy September 2020

Pastor wants to change our vows

Amber, on September 13, 2020 at 10:52 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 8
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So I’m not religious but my fiancé is lightly religious. We had an officiant that couldn’t do our wedding and had to cancel so he wanted to ask his families pastor. I was hesitant because I don’t want a ceremony turned into a sermon. He understands that.
The vows we sent we both read and liked and didn’t think needed changing.
The pastor said that he thinks it’s weird that they don’t mention God. That he respects my feelings but that FH and his family are religious so wants to add a prayer or scripture to our vows.I’m not sure what to say

8 Comments

Latest activity by Alyssa, on September 16, 2020 at 3:26 PM
  • Jana
    Rockstar October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    Stand your ground. Ask fiance to back you up. Do not let the pastor pressure you. If push comes to shove, go on Thumbtack.com and get a nonreligious officiant asap if the pastor will not respect your wishes for no mention of God or scriptures/prayer.


    The fact that your in laws are religious is irrelevant. The ceremony should reflect you and your fiance, no one else.
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  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    If you don't want a religious ceremony, I would say no (as long as that is what you and your future spouse agreed upon).
    • Reply
  • Neeva
    Rockstar September 2020
    Neeva ·
    • Flag

    Tell him no. It is your wedding and you have hired him so it's what you and your FH want.

    I am not Christian and we had an officiant who read from First Corinthians and said God once. I didn't feel that it was a sermon and just the right amount for me. Something to consider if you want to but at the end of the day, you need to have the wedding you want!

    • Reply
  • Amber
    Savvy September 2020
    Amber ·
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    My fiancé is religious but not super dedicated to it. He doesn’t see why I’m upset and just said “well you’re not religious but I am” except he didn’t want to change the vows until someone else brought it up
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    My husband and I are religious and I made dam sure we did not have our ceremony become a religious sermon. I’m not THAT religious enough aha so I absolutely stood my ground too.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    I would say that only you and your FI have anything to say about it, and that family and other guests are specyators, not participants. Your family could be of a totally different faith, and it does not matter. If your FI himself wants to say something with religious content, that pertains only to him, that should not have to meet with your approval. Like if he said, I feel that I am standing before God saying the most important words I will ever say, marrying you. But not to the point of involving you in what you do not believe in, like having you participate in a sacrament or take communion, or Be blessed in the name of God by the minister. Or say or repeat something you do not believe in. Ask for the basic, legal statements for your state, and only you or FI may add to that, not the pastor. This will be a long term issue for you. You need a working everyday policy, before you marry, usually an understanding that each of you functions independently with respect to religion. And that part of having respect for each other is not trying to change or convert you to his position, or his church's. Because the very first step of that is saying what you believe at present is wrong, and another thing is right. That is not respecting your right of self determination with respect to religion.
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2020
    Samantha Online ·
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    I agree with this wholeheartedly. Your vows are the most important part of your day, don't let someone bully you into changing that.

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  • Alyssa
    Expert December 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    If you're not religious, do not be bullied into saying "God" or praying if you don't believe in it.

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