Past Bridesmaids/ Groomsmen: how much $ did you invest into your friend's/ family member's wedding??

I’ve been in A LOT of weddings over the years, and I feel like the expectations and expenses have

For me, I think $1- 1.8K including my flights, parties, and wedding attire. The last was 10 years ago. Now and in the future, I would rather celebrate as a guest and gift big. Now that I'm married and work so much, vacation time is really precious.

I've been in a lot of weddings over the years, and it seems like expectations and expenses have really gone up A LOT as of late. Showers used to be hosted by parents/family members, but now it's been passed on to MOH/BMs. And they aren't just casual affairs at someone's house anymore; now brides are wanting lavish showers at venues with themes and over-the-top decor, step and repeats, and expensive catering. And bachelorette parties are no longer a night on the town; now brides are wanting weekend long trips with flights, airbnbs/hotels, lots of activities, matching attire, etc. The entitlement and expectations are getting out of hand. And I see so many brides treating their wedding parties like hired help or props for their wedding - demanding they pay for their own professional hair and makeup, and the purchase of expensive dresses, shoes, etc. The last wedding I was in I was MOH, and I spent thousands of dollars - the bachelorette alone cost $2,000+ because the bride requested a weekend long trip, then she had the wedding on a Friday afternoon (which I had to take off work and travel again for, plus get a hotel room for Thursday and Friday nights), then had the reception the following night on Saturday in another town nearly 2 hours away from the ceremony location (more travel and yet another hotel room). I love her dearly, but tbh it was just TOO MUCH. After that, I vowed to never be in a wedding party again (and I haven't!). That experience really made me extremely conscientious of how I treated my own WP though!

Honestly, being a BM/MOH doesn’t feel like an “honor” any more… it feels like an obligation.

View Quoted Comment

Oof, that's a lot. Bless your heart.

I don't regret my memories esp. the bridal showers I threw for my two (2) SILs. But, my Mom and sister helped plan, coordinate, and contribute. I couldn't imagine one MOH to know how to do this!

I think we repeat cycles and offer help (esp. women) because we see this done at every family gathering. I surprised everyone by having 0 showers and hiring out logistics. My guests were responsible for nothing-- they were elated but confused. I think couples who have less means may gravitate toward more support from others and diy help, but I think expectations should be reasonable.

Wanted to add my husband's circle goes international for bachelor parties. Idk who started that one, but when I asked where's his $ for our wedding, he needed time to save. Parties and weddings are great, but you know, we all have our own life goals to save up for.

I've only been a bridesmaid twice. The first time my dad and stepmom paid for my dress since I was in college and didn't have much money. They didn't do any pre-wedding events so that was really the only cost.


The second time I probably spent about $350. And that was for my dress + alterations, a couple gifts for the bridal shower games, my makeup, and a tip for my hair stylist. They kept everything local and more low key (shower was in a community center, Bach was bar hopping for an evening) so that helped to keep costs down for everyone. The bride and her mom were super generous and insisted on paying for my nails and hair so that saved me some money.
I'd honestly just much rather be a guest. For both the cost (reading some experiences on ww is just ridiculous!) and because being a bm just feels like too much attention and I'd just rather relax more as a guest.

View Quoted Comment

Oh wow that's a lot! I can understand your feelings on that then. The most recent wedding where I was a bridesmaid cost me around $450 I believe. Her wedding was local for me and did not require travel. Her bachelorette was also local in town, but we had two outfits for the wedding day (one dress was covered but I still had to buy shoes for it in the color she asked for), and I had to pay both hair and makeup (DIY was an option but I don't think my skills are great). Believe it or not, when I estimated what she probably put towards being in mine, it was almost the same. My bachelorette was a couple hours away (driveable, but man Texas is so spread out LOL), but there was only one outfit my ladies needed for the wedding day, I covered their makeup, and the wedding day was also local for her.

I am grateful she didn't expect us to plan/make stuff for her wedding. It's pretty appalling to hear other brides or bridesmaids talking about that as if it was expected. I also had people give me confused looks when I answered "no, we are just planning everything ourselves...." I think rom-coms and TV have given people false expectations about this...

The weirdest request I got as a bridesmaid was a wedding I was in years ago, just out of college. The wedding party went back to the brides' parents' house after the rehearsal dinner to hang out (also some of the out-of-town party members were lodging there). I was walking through the house when the bride stopped me, handed me a laundry basket, and asked me to start a load in the washer. I had known her for years, but I was still pretty shocked at the request hahaha!

The least amount I've paid in a wedding is $500. The bride's mom helped pay for the shower (in a church hall with restaurant catering) and we only did one night out for the bachelorette party. The other wedding I was in cost me close to $1500 including the shower and bachelorette. Plus my husband at the time was also in the wedding and had to rent a tux ($250) and spent several hundred on the bachelor party so all in we spent around $2,000 just being in that one wedding.


I don't think I'd want to be in anyone else's wedding party. The time and financial commitments are just not something I'm interested in anymore and I'd rather just celebrate the couple as a guest.

Honestly because of the instagram expectations these days, if I’m ever asked again, I’m going to ask upfront what the expectations are just to make sure we’re on the right page. These destination bachelorette horror stories are just too much, and not just because of the cost, and frankly I’m too old now to be screaming off a party bus in Nashville lol. I told my MOH no bachelorette and no shower, just be there when I need her to on the wedding day.

Instagram and social media have definitely inflated expectations of what is "the responsibility" for a wedding party to do. I've seen a lot of friendships ending and misunderstandings because of it.

My bffffffffffffffs wedding could put no price limit on. However it was less than 2k probably 1500 all said and done.

View Quoted Comment

Who does laundry the night before her wedding? At her parent's house? That must have been some emergency and a private story.

View Quoted Comment

From my experience, men are more willing to pay more for bachelor parties, attire, but women are expected to pay more often and be emotionally on-call. My hubs may be an anomaly, but he has bought many suits and tuxes for other weddings, and gets calls to Spain, Caribbean for man parties. I am watching the funds for both of us now though. haha

View Quoted Comment

Every early Spring and early Fall brides complain about their WP.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I didn’t openly question it hahaha 😬

View Quoted Comment

I've been going on those bachelorette weekends for 20 years, and all of it was kept secret. No pics allowed. I was still poorer for it, but they were good ol' Shady Lady days.

The only thing required in any wedding party I've ever been in was the dress and transportation. I've paid for out of town accommodations in most cases, though I understand that's properly supposed to be the responsibility of the couple. I've volunteered on my own to throw showers and have attended and contributed to local bachelorettes, also voluntarily.

I would and have accepted the honor because I would personally rather err on the side of my own confidence that anyone that close to me is a considerate person. If that turned out to be mistaken, I'd reevaluate and possibly step down later on. In general though, I don't think it's a bad idea to ask the bride what the role involves since many of them are misguided when it comes to expectations and obligations of their wedding parties.

View Quoted Comment

Yes to discussing expectations!

View Quoted Comment

I think when I was a young adult, $350 was still a considerable amount. This is for a low-key wedding? It was generous for the bride and Mom to cover costs so the WP would be comfortable.