Party/gift Etiquette for Couples that Elope

You're right that it is not appropriate, by etiquette standards, for them to have a shower. When you elope you give up the option to have all pre-wedding events.

Personally, I would have likely sent a nice card with a cheque when I was informed they eloped. I would then decline the shower invite when I received it. At this point, I'd probably decline the shower and if invited to the reception in the Fall I'd gift my card/cheque then. Ultimately, it is up to you what you want to do but, I would decline the shower because I think its tacky.

Agree with you that a shower seems inappropriate after a couple has already eloped. If it was for a very good friend of mine, I would still go though as I would want to support her. (I'd likely pass if it was coworker, distant family, old friend, etc)

I'd probably just go and bring a gift, especially if they plan on having a reception later. I think the shower seems odd, but maybe just spend less on the gift? I've sent gifts to friends that eloped and announced after, even if they didn't have a reception or shower.

I would go and bring a gift. She's not throwing it and clearly someone wants to help them celebrate. Maybe the should call it something like a congrats party instead of a shower so people aren't in a tissy about it but I don't see the problem with celebrating their marriage whether it's before or after.

Following! Somewhat different situation, but we have friends that eloped last spring, and we're invited to their celebration of marriage next month. She's not having a bridal shower, and they're not registered anywhere. Would everyone just bring their standard cash gift to the party? I've never gone to a celebration of marriage before, but I'm assuming gift-wise, people just treat it the same way as a regular wedding?

I do not know if there is really a protocol for elopement. As a guest, you are always entitled to accept or decline your invitation, regardless of the occasion. I would likely have sent a gift after I learned of the elopement, but I do not believe I would offer a gift at the shower. I encourage you to consider what would bring your friend the greatest joy, and you, the greatest comfort.

I didn’t elope but had a small destination wedding. My friend threw me a ladies tea. My parents are having a post-wedding hometown celebration. I didn’t register at first but then everyone was saying they wanted to buy something and were looking for ideas. I think I’d you feel like you want to celebrate the couple, go and buy a gift. Nothing is truly required or off limits...it’s all up to what you think.

It depends on how close she is to you. I can see some families not wanting their loved ones to feel like they missed out on the pre-wedding events and throwing showers even if at this point would be against the etiquette.

Planning a wedding and a celebration of marriage are a little different. For the celebration we don't deal with the familiar drama, and people are usually more relaxed because the expectations are way less. You are not buying and walking in with your dress for the first time, you won't have to pick who is walking you, you don't need to say your vows in front of everyone, you don't need to choose a wedding party, host a rehearsal and so on... so yes, there are a few things that can be very stressful for people which won't be part of this celebration.

If she is close to you I would attend to shower and the celebration of marriage. If she isn't and you feel like it is gift grabby (although not planned by her the shower was not declined by her either) then just attend to the party and have fun!

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I would treat the same as a wedding on what has to do with the gift (maybe a little less $$ if it is a very casual gathering). The hosts will provide you with the same fun as a reception: food, drink and dance - or at least I hope - so the only thing you won't be seeing is their ceremony happening that day.

If they have already eloped, I don't think she gets a bridal shower. I would choose not to attend, but I'd give them a gift at their reception.

Not because I don't care about my friends, but because some choices rule out others.

Is kinda weird but it’s not them hosting their shower so I guess it’s not up to them if Someone decided to host then a party. Do they even have a registry though ?
I would go if you are available and bring a gift, you said you were planning on buying them something anyways