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Just Said Yes May 2020

Party Dilemma

Samantha, on July 23, 2019 at 11:26 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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Ok, so FH and I have a unique situation on our hands. We live in Wisconsin (all of his family and friends are here) but I'm from Michigan. We're having a very small ceremony and reception here in Wisconsin; both only inviting immediate family and 4-5 close friends (couples), not to exceed 50 guests.

Now here's the dilemma:

My family would like to host a casual, pre-wedding party about a month before our wedding for the rest of my Michigan family and friends who aren't invited to the actual wedding. Kind of like a bridal shower/bach. party/reception combo I guess. I don't mind that they want to do this but I'm worried about it offending those not invited to actual wedding in Wisconsin. Oh, and it has to be before the wedding because we won't be able take time off to travel back to Michigan for quite a while after the wedding.

Is there any good way to do this or would it just be completely inappropriate?

9 Comments

Latest activity by D, on July 23, 2019 at 3:49 PM
  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    We are doing the same thing for people who are not invited to the wedding, but I think it will be after the actual wedding. I don't think it's rude. Its all family. If you explain to them that you don't have the budget to invite everyone to the wedding but someone offered to host a pre-wedding party for everyone who isn't invited I'm sure they will understand. They are family after all, I think as long as they get to celebrate with you that's all that matters.

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  • Nicole
    Devoted November 2019
    Nicole ·
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    A friend of mine did something similar (She was living in MA but originally from IL). Her wedding was in MA so her folks threw her another "reception" for local people in IL who weren't able to be on the guest list for the MA wedding. It went over fairly well as long as you present it as a local reception rather than "for people not invited to the wedding".

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  • Allaura
    Devoted April 2021
    Allaura ·
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    Have like a bbq or something for the people in Wisconsin. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Even if you just have the one in Michigan I don’t think it’s rude or inappropriate because your family is hosting it not you. But I think if it really bugs you then just have something casual for the people in Wisconsin.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I like PP idea of presenting it as a local reception ! It makes perfect sense to do it that way so that they know it's a wedding celebration/festivity
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I think it’s entirely inappropriate. It would be one thing if the guests were invited to the wedding and unable to make it. It’s rude to invite people to pre-wedding events and not the wedding.
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  • Arielle
    Expert August 2020
    Arielle ·
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    I think it would be more respectful to have a post-wedding ceremony at home. It may send the wrong message.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    I think it's inappropriate. If you were having just immediate family (50 people isn't immediate family unless you have 20 siblings...) that'd be one thing, but you're basically telling people they didn't make the cut for the main event. Just rubs me as git grabby.

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  • Tonia
    Expert October 2019
    Tonia ·
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    I don't think it's inappropriate especially given that it's being hosted by your family. As long as everyone understands the circumstances. Every scenario is different and to blanket every situation as inappropriate is not realistic. As suggested, if you feel uncomfortable with the pre-wedding party do a local reception.

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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    I agree. Especially since gifts are normally given.
    Make time post wedding. I know you said you can't but try.
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