Partner called me a name this morning

Oh no, you don’t need to tolerate that kind of behavior. This could escalate into something more! I think you should consider moving out if it happens again, but not break up. If it continues, then that’s when it’s time to end things.

i used to be moody and say unpleasant things to my partner but it was about his family. They got on my nerves and he lived with them ( paying his parents’ mortgage) at the time. Once he moved out and moved in with me, I rarely spoke negatively about them.

I think the best third party perspective you can get is that of a relationship counselor. You said you never fight but then you fought this morning and he used offensive language toward you. No one here can tell you if this will escalate. Every relationship is different. Some couples argue occasionally and nothing ever escalates, some couples wind up with one or both members being abusive toward their partner.

It’s hard to give a third party perspective without talking to you both. I strongly suggest couples counseling to get the best perspective, if you are not ready to end the relationship. In my opinion, this is an issue that will escalate and won’t go away...without at least some sort of counseling. Good luck with every!

You absolutely deserve better treatment than that, and I urge you both to seek counseling on your own if you are able.

Anger issues? Moody? Can't lose? It's name calling today, getting physical tomorrow. These are enormous red flags for abuse. You should seek counseling, together and separate.
You might not be ready to leave yet, but know when you are ready to not stop and don't look back.
He's a grown man, not a child, he shouldn't behave this way and you should not tolerate it.

I think he should take anger management. I also think either counseling for him or couples counseling would be beneficial. If that doesn't help him grow into a better person, then it's time to leave.

This definitely sounds like a situation that needs counseling, both individual and couples if you can.

At the very least I definitely recommend he get some professional help in regards to his anger management issues. If he cannot accept being wrong there is definitely something to unpack there.

Remember, it is not your job as his partner to either fix or put up with this. If he does not seek help, this definitely has the possibility to escalate and become an abusive situation.

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Yes to this, 100%!

This behavior is never okay. I can see him becoming physically abusive to you someday

How long have you two been together?

I think he may need to see a mental health professional. Couples counseling may be one approach but if he has an undiagnosed mood disorder it may not do any good. From what you describe I can't say if it will escalate but it sounds like he has underlying issues.

View Quoted Comment I agree With this completely. Total red flags. It is not a good situation to be in. Do not let anyone make you feel this way.

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate and take to heart every response. I have enormous doubt that this relationship would ever escalate into being abusive. I really do not see that happening whatsoever. Most of the time he is just a big teddy bear, there are just things that set him off but never in a way that I have been scared or even close to scared.

I wouldn't immediately run to say he's going to become an abuser from this; however, reacting like this when he's in a mood or upset is not okay. He need to learn better ways to express his frustration and regulate his emotions. It could escalate, or it could not. There's really now way to gauge. Either way, that type of behavior will show itself in any future stressful situations with you and probably in many other inappropriate situations. I definitely agree with PP that he really should look into counseling so he can build more effective stress tolerance and anger management skills.

I'd be going to counselling alone and with him before saying I do. In addition to counselling, perhaps he needs to seek psychiatric treatment as well.

I would recommend going to couple's counseling. Not even because of the name calling necessarily, but because the traits you described are very very bad for relationships. Being together long-term means compromising and saying sorry and understanding your own flaws.

So my FH has ADHD and when he doesn't take his medication we have very very very rough days. In the beginning of our relationship he would only take his meds during the week for work and like every weekend we would get into these little argument because he would say these kind of rude and unthoughtful things. I knew he didn't really mean them and it wasn't his normal behavior, but they could be very hurtful sometimes. I started doing research on ADHD and found that it was a very common trait so we had many discussion about it and eventually he agreed that we had tough days when he was un-medicated. We even talked to his doctor about it and he agreed saying something along the lines of "oo I bed FH was unintentionally hurtful on the weekends huh?". Now he takes just a little bit of meds on the weekends, and if he wants to have a med free weekend he gives me a warning so we can keep him in check a little bit

I am not saying his ADHD is an excuse. He is not allowed to use it as an excuse, and I don't make excuses for him because of it. What we have done is come up with creative ways of handling situations. It has helped the both of us grow and we have become way more understanding of both of our shortcomings and of our positive traits. Morning times are not good times in our house to have serious conversations in our house. We both know that, sometimes it can't be helped, but at least we know to avoid when we can.

I just understand the feeling you are having of "this isn't his normal behavior". When I talked to people they told me to leave and to not put up with stuff like that, but they didn't understand what it was like 98% of the time. I knew deep down he wasn't really like that and he really didn't mean for it to be hurtful or unthoughtful. Check out https://www.additudemag.com/forums/ might be a bit helpful

Has the anger outbursts and temper gotten worse since you first started dating.

Do you live together? If not, maybe you can spend less time together and you can reflect more clearly on the relationship.

Maybe you could go to couples counseling.

I don't think him calling you a name is necessarily a deal breaker, but I think it needs to be seriously addressed.

Anger issues are a problem, not just in a relationship but in life in general. A person with anger issues is going to behave in ways that could hurt other people, and could hurt himself. I'm not in any way implying anger issues make him a bad person, but it is bad behavior. This time it was a hurtful word. It could always just be words, and they could never be directed at you again, but what if one day they cause him to lose a job? To offend a friend? To ruin other important relationships? You really need to reflect on that.

That said, if he's truly willing to work on himself, which you suggest he is, I absolutely think things can be managed. Based on what you've described, I would suggest he talk to a professional.

Nooooooooooope, nope nope nope. Don't be with someone who can't control his emotions and thinks he is never wrong. It doesn't matter if he's usually not mean to you, if he's an angry, combative person, he is not a "sweet" man. These are red flags for abuse. I know you say you're not ready to end the relationship, but if these are fundamental parts of his personality, you'll be in a miserable relationship for a long time. Please don't tie yourself to someone who can't control his anger. PLEASE put yourself first.

Also, you should never go to couple's counseling with someone who shows signs of abusive behavior. If you want to seek counseling, you should do it separately.

Yes, it will escalate. Count on it.