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Samantha
Beginner December 2022

Parents paying for wedding but guilt tripping me...

Samantha, on August 19, 2022 at 12:26 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
Anyone else feeling pushed to invite people to your wedding by the very people who offered to pay for your wedding I.E. parents???? Like I already feel like this is a set up because I feel like eventually down the line if and when we argue in the bear future they will bring up "I paid for your wedding"...yes, that type. I invited my stepbrother and his girlfriend...they want me to include HER kids....but I already have his one son AND his ex girl that the whole family is still good with (obviously they will be at different tables, they are cordial) but I feel pressured to invite the new girlfriends kids and I don't think that's right but I feel like they are A.) Either going to invite them anyway because they are paying for the wedding or B). Make me feel guilty for it.
The total we agreed on at the venue was a minimum 35 people....we meet that to a T, not to mention there are 4 other kids already included in that. I don't want her other 2 kids added to it not to be mean but because I genuinely don't know her kids like that and I just don't want too many kids? Isn't that fair to ask, like what. Idk, This whole process has been lonely and miserable to be honest and if money wasn't already invested I would have eloped like we genuinely wanted at first...
Edited by WeddingWire

9 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on August 21, 2022 at 7:58 PM
  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    As much as it sucks, majority of the time, money comes with conditions. And realistically the only thing we can do to control those conditions is not accept the money or accept that we will have to give in to those conditions. I don't have much advice other than sitting down and explaining while you are super grateful for the contribution, you don't want to invite the gf kids. Also, if its a relatively new relationship, it's easier to sell, but if the gf has been around for a while, I can understand to a degree the pushback on allowing some kids and not others. Personally, I am a all or nothing on kids myself.

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  • Samantha
    Beginner December 2022
    Samantha ·
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    The relationship is fairly new, I think about two years, and I only really met her a handful of times and I'm not into siding with his baby mother and hating the new girlfriend at all, I think she's nice but I kinda feel like if I'm extending the invite to you as a girlfriend I don't need to super extend to her kids, that sounds crazy to me, idk. Kinda feel like that's with anyone though, like if I invite you don't expect to bring your kids unless told to kind of thing. Hope that makes sense.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Do him and the girlfriend live together? If they do, I think it'd be a crummy move to invite his kid but not her kids.
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  • Samantha
    Beginner December 2022
    Samantha ·
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    He lives with her, and I don't see an issue with inviting my nephew, that's my nephew 😂, I'm on the fence about what girlfriend etiquette is when it comes to kids that aren't his ya know? That's where my dilemma is, I don't dislike her kids but if less kids were at this wedding that'd be great
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Invite the family as a household unit. You cause derision otherwise saying they are not a legitimate family without being married.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Just because they aren't biologically his kids doesn't mean they aren't his kids. I think not inviting them runs you the risk of your stepbrother being angry with you for trying to exclude them. It may even lead to him not having a relationship with you anymore and not allowing you to see his son.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Money comes with strings. The only way you can't call the shots is to pay for the wedding yourselves.

    Having said that, if all the kids live together in one house then why would you differentiate between them? That sort of sounds like you're demeaning the importance of the step kids in your stepbrother's life.

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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Wow hi I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. This supposed to be the most happiest time one life that is to be planning your wedding. But when you have ppl of which you are going thru should not be making you feel sad. And not feeling excited about the process and looking forward to making decisions of this whole planning. And that whole thing of inviting her kids and his ex girlfriend will be there to that's a headache with it self. And why these parent can't just help in silence but when they invite all of these ppl and don't ask your opinion about this is wrong. Or for them to show off to someone else I never understood why they do that because it's not there wedding. And not putting their adult children needs before their own. And let you both have the wedding that pleases you both and just be happy for y'all. How does your FH feel about all of these kids and the ex and stepbrother girlfriend and kids it's as to be stop point and stand firm on it. I truly hope that you get the wedding that you two want
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Money always comes with strings if you are getting it from others. Plan as if they are not contributing a dime and set and maintain boundaries with consequences. If you give in to their guilt trips now, they will take that as your blessing to dictate your life decisions after the wedding such as where you live, where you work, when and where you spend holidays, anything related to future children and the list goes on. Many parents are from past generations where their parents planned the entire wedding with no input from the couple, who showed up as guests. As a result, many parents are trying to regain control by living vicariously through you by planning your wedding without your input.
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