Parents on Wedding Invitations

So just to clarify, both sets of parents have contributed the same amount to the wedding? Have both sets of parents contributed time equally as well in planning?


I am on your parents' side honestly, but that's because this is how my wedding is being done and my parents are paying the full amount. But today some people list both sets of parents or neither set on the invitaction and that's fine too.
Ultimately you and FH will need to make a decision and communicate it to both sets of parents that it's what YOU want and what YOU think is right. Settle the conflict by fully taking control of and responsibility for the decision.

If it were me, I would do something similar to the photo I've posted. This leaves wording about parents completely out of it. I am recommending this because then you won't appear to be picking sides.

If his parents are contributing monetarily to the wedding, especially if they are contributing an equal amount to yours, then they belong on the invitation.

"Chelsea and FH, together with their parents, cordially invite you..."

or

"Chelsea and FH, together with their parents [your parents' names] and [his parents' names], invite you..."

Both sets of parents contributed to our wedding, as well as us paying for things. We out "together with their families, Hannah Doe and John Smith...." I agree that if his parents are also contributing, they should be indicated as hosts in some way on the invitation as well.

If both sets of parents are contributing relatively equally, it's either both in the same place on the invitation, or none of the names. The PPs had some great suggestions for wording.

Since both sets of parents are contributing an equal amount, then I think both sets should be listed first, like "Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents & Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents invite you to the wedding of their children, Chelsea and FH." If your FH's parents were only contributing a small part, I'd be team list them after FH's husband's name, but that's not the case here. Just make sure to explain very clearly to your parents that since 1. they are not paying 100% of your wedding expenses and 2. FH's family is contributing the same amount they are, therefore both sets of parents deserve to be listed (essentially both sets of parents are hosting, the key word being equal). Maybe show examples of invitations with both sets of parents listed, in case they can't visualize how it would look.

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This was going to be my suggestion. Everyone wins with this wording.

Your FIL’s are correct. If both sets of parents are contributing equally, then both sets of parents names should go at the top of the invitation together. Period. I would list the bride’s parents first:
“Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents invite you....”

Since the two of you will not actually be contributing financially (you indicated you would be using the money FH’s Parents are contributing to pay for what you & FH had planned on paying for), I would not go with the wording “together with their parents/families” because this indicates you and FH have also contributed equally.
If your parents need proof that this is proper etiquette, do a simple Google search for them. Every single site will say this is common sense manners. I have included a few links below, in case you would like to reference them when speaking with your parents.

https://papernposh.com/uncategorized/wedding-invitation-etiquette-parents-names/

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https://www.invitationsbydawn.com/content/wedding-invitation-wording-both-parents-inviting/

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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theknot.com/content/amphtml/standard-wedding-invitation-wording-examples

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https://emilypost.com/advice/samples-of-formal-wedding-invitation-wording

If both sets of parents are contributing equally, then they should both be listed by name on the top of the invitation as the hosts.

Thanks for all the replies! Ultimately I think what most of you have said will end up being the case, where we make the decision based on what we think is best.

Both families will pay the same amount. My parents are trying to say you don't need to pay the same amount, we will take care of the whole thing, keep your money and our name goes on the invitation. I don't necessarily agree with it but I do try to respect my parents going the traditional way.

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Thank you for the advice and references!

View Quoted Comment This kind of sounds like your parents are pushing that they be the only hosts of the wedding. Why do they not want his parents contributing?

I understand you’re saying that your parents are being “traditional about it” but even with tradition of the brides father paying, there is absolutely no tradition that says the brides parents should snub the grooms parents on the invitations. When reading that invitation, right off the bat I got the impression that it almost sounded belittling to your grooms parents. Times are different and I think your guests might also interpret that the same way when they read the invitation. The fact alone that your grooms parents are very offended, and rightfully so, should be the queue for your parents to immediately want to change what it says. But they don’t… So at that point I have to say I think it might be a lot less about being “traditional “and a lot more about trying to one up your FH‘s parents which is totally not OK

View Quoted Comment I agree. Bride’s parents either don’t realize what the proper etiquette is surrounding invitations, or they are just being extremely rude and petty. Etiquette ALWAYS supersedes tradition. Hopefully the bride will be able to show them that every single source online states this is the way things are to be done, and them insisting on doing it their way will be perceived as incredibly rude and dismissive, and they will “get it”. Surely her parents would care more about not slighting the groom’s family and creating a wedge between the families (and between the bride and her in-laws), than they do about getting their way (Especially when “their way” is the wrong way).

If both sets have contributed equally then it should be “Mr and Mrs. Brides Parents and Mr and Mrs Grooms parents invite you to the marriage or wedding bride and groom”

Sorry you are dealing with this added stress! I can see why your parents are offended by your FH's parents paying for things when they were expecting to be the sole hosts of the event. Doesn't mean I agree with them but my family would be similar if FH's were contributing!



My vote is also for “Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents invite you to the wedding of Chelsea and FH".

View Quoted Comment You also need to decide here who to accept money from. If your parents are offering to pay for the whole thing and his parents are trying to contribute too, eventually you need to turn down one or both offers. Don't let them compete for control with their money, it's not nice or fair to anyone

View Quoted Comment In my circle, the tradition is that only the bride's parents go on it because they are the hosts. I've never gotten an invite with groom's parents on it. Not saying it's right or wrong, but I can see why the parents are acting like this.


Also I think it's relevant that the bride's parents are offering to pay for the whole thing and the grooms parents are pouring in money too. OP needs to decide who to accept money from and who is hosting. It feels kind of like the parents trying to outbid each other and OP is letting it happen, not that it's fully about the invites

Either put both parents on it or leave it out. You need to be stern though and it’s your wedding so make the best decision for you and your FH. My invitations were not traditional. We left my parents off of it and that’s okay. It’s a changing world not everything has to be traditional.

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I wish I could understand why my parents want to be the ones hosting! I guess because they're "traditional" and feel I'm their daughter they need to be the ones to host. They've been planning this all my life so I do feel bad to disappoint them and say it shouldn't necessarily be that way, but I am having trouble seeing it from their perspective.