Parents dictating guest list

I would encourage you to do something that your parents are unable to do which is NOT weaponize your wedding. While you're feeling your feelings, the fact is whoever pays gets a say, so your parents weren't wrong about their preferred guestlist (although immature and petty). If you and your partner ultimately want your cousins and friends at the wedding, then you will have to adult-up and pay for your wedding yourselves. If you two really want a private elopement, then you also pay for this. Only you two are responsible for the life (and wedding) that you want. Many couples plan their wedding date to when they can save enough to get their vision. I think you should still invite your parents as guests, and if they are not mature enough to put away their grievances for you, then let them look like the fools and decline. You at least made the offer and they would learn to not infantilize you in the future.

I’m not sure what the relationship between the aunts & uncles with them are, but paying for a small wedding yourself would make it so you’re not under someone’s thumb financially. Not everyone is happy with the guest list, but I caution you to think it through to what you want, because it’s your day. If you want your aunt & uncles there I would tell your parents kindly that you want them there and it means a lot to you to have them there. If they can’t accept that & hold up their financial end without strings, then have a beautiful ceremony & reception that you guys pay for.

Since when does paying for someone's wedding give you a say on who should be there to witness THEIR union??? I do agree that paying for everything yourself will free you from being under their thumb and having to listen to their opinions, but just because they help financially doesn't mean your wants for YOUR big day should go out the window. Your parents had their wedding, now its your turn.

I have a daughter and cant wait for the day I can pay for HER dream wedding.

Hey, I think you should tell them that if they are making your special day about them then that's very pitiful. Offer to Reserve them seats on the opposite side of your cousins. If they say no I would think you might have to do a smaller wedding with materials you have. It might not be your dream but its better than having snobby family there.