Parents are Unhappily Married

Me and my mom got pregnant at 18. However, she and my dad got divorced after 17 years of marriage. They were not happy for maybe 8-10 years prior to their divorce. I am still married to my husband, 24 years this summer, and we are planning a renewal since last year which postponed to next year, on our 25th anniversary. My parents is happy to hear any good news from me. I think as parents, no matter how they feel, they should support you. They should be happy when you are happy. Try talking your to your parents separately, like one on one, and see how they react.

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Thank you, Belle!

They are adults and have to manage their own pain, it is not your job.

If they are that unhappy, again, as adults, they have the remedy close at hand - counseling, or divorce.

My parents were married for 30 years before they finally divorced, and it was a *relief* to me. (...They had been married 13 before I was born. So, not all unhappy marriages are because of an early marriage.)

Focus on your own health, safety, and happiness.

If they try to displace their feelings onto you, tell them you are sorry, but you cannot be their therapist/doctor. And change the subject.

Before I stopped speaking to my mother, she frequently tried to re-litigate her divorce *with me*. I refused to let her do this, as I was not the one married to her, and I am not my father, nor am I her therapist. (And, uh, I was old enough to see how each of them behaved, and.... well, suffice to say, my father and I both got kicked out of the house.)

I'm sorry. You're not the only one whose parents did not have a happy marriage.

My parents had a horrible nasty divorce when I was a small child. Dad has gotten remarried but is a horrible human. Mom has never dated or remarried since the divorce. Mom wat he'd younger sister marry without too many issues (more sad about her baby getting married, no one walking her baby down the aisle, and her baby moving out) and now she will watch me do the same.


She is an adult and if she is unhappy with relationship stuff I can't help with that as her child. Whatever my father feels is also hoa own problems. We can't fix our parents or families. Personally I wouldn't worry about what they think. They need to work it out or end it.