Parents are funding majority of wedding-but making all the decisions

Can you do something that's in the middle? For instance have hydrangeas in the lanterns? Have rectangular tables but with the color you want? A middle ground would be nice

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Absolutely! My stepmom is just very 'my way or the highway.' I've brought up including lanterns in the ceremony lining the aisle and she was hesitant. 'Noo, but this way is so much prettier!'

Sometimes it doesn't even feel like its MY wedding.

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To be honest, both of our parents didn't contribute financially to ours at all. we paid for our wedding solely but best believe me, they were both very opinionated anyway. ahah so basically, even if they didn't pay for it, they'll still likely be that way anyway. i just kind of was like i appreciate your perspective and will consider it but i really really would love if we went with this instead, it would make me happy.

OMG, I feel for you. I wouldn't know how to handle it either. I think the only thing I could do is recruit people (like other family members) to help me stand up to my parents and be like, this is my wedding, so it's supposed to be my vision, not yours. And show how unhappy it is making you feel.

I think you need to be firm if you have a certain vision and explain that you appreciate her suggestions but you know what you plan to do, but understand that that could come with the consequence of losing their money.

Can you pull your father or stepmother aside and have a conversation with them? That you feel you aren't truly involved in wedding planning and would like to make a joint effort to agree on more things?

Since they are paying for it, you are unfortunately at their mercy. If you want more say or control then you need to be the one to pay for it.

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I can definitely try, I've just been hit with 'we're funding this' and my dad even made the joke of 'it's not your wedding, its our wedding." I just want to know if it would come off as offensive if I brought this up you know?

So you’ll probably hear a lot about how if they’re footing the bill, they have the right to do that. I think that’s a load of crap. It’s YOUR wedding. My parents are paying fully for our wedding and the only thing they have control over is the guest list(which is fine by me). You should sit down with them and let them know that you’re grateful for their financial contributions, but it’s your wedding and it should be your vision.

This is YOUR wedding. Just because they are paying for it doesn't mean they should make all of the decisions. Especially not the kind you are talking about... It would be different if let's say you wanted $100 centerpieces and they only wanted to pay for $20 centerpieces... outside of a monetary issue, it should be your choice with their "help"...I think you should definitely talk to them.

I think they get a say in what they're paying for, but if you're paying for decor/flowers then you get to make those choices.

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Exactly! I'd rather elope than have someone else dictate how my wedding day will be...

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THANK YOU. I didn't think I was being unreasonable? It just feels like sometimes i'm being penalized for not bring able to foot my own bill. Mind you- I'm still paying for about 6,000+ worth of things for the wedding. I'm not completely sitting back either.

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Yes exactly! on the contrary, I am the one that wants the simple decor and cheaper items!

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I totally understand this! Which is why I was getting frustrated decor wise, as I am paying for the decor.

I think they can pick major things because they're footing the bill but completely overriding the theme is out of line to me.
But this is exactly why I waited until I could fund my own wedding I honestly get nauseous at the thought of my parents deciding things.
Overall I'd tell them that yes they are paying but you are the one getting married and there's no point in paying for things you don't like. You'll have to put your foot down and risk a fight but I think eventually they'll come around

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Yeah, they don't get to make decision on things they aren't footing the bill for. I would just put your foot down and set some boundaries.

I agree with PPs. Why would you even have a wedding if you had no say over the theme, decor, food, etc.? You could just go to the courthouse and get more of what you want than what's happening now.

Your parents should have some say over the guest list, meaning if they have friends they want invited, ok. But to hijack your colors, decor ideas and other stuff related to your vision? NO WAY!! Not ok.

If they won't budge, I would put off the wedding until you and FH can save enough to pay for the whole thing yourselves.

So this might be an unpopular opinion, but what my FMIL explained to me is that even though it is our wedding, if they're paying for it then it's their party and they're throwing it and they get the final says (so clearly they aren't the only parents out there that feel that way). We decided to pass on their contribution completely as to avoid this, but in all honesty I do understand where they're coming from (ONLY with the stuff they're paying for, if you're footing the bill for certain things she/they need to butt out!)

That all being said, I think it's rude that your stepmother is unwilling to meet you in the middle or even pretend to entertain your wants/ideas, but if they're paying for those things, I kinda see her point...if it were me, I would pull my dad aside and express that I was grateful for their help financially but that the wedding is no longer what I wanted for myself and see if he could help me and stepmom try and find middle ground. Even though he's jokingly said it's his party, maybe if you expressed how hurt/frustrated you are he will be able to help mediate.