LONG POST AHEAD.....I have been dealing with parental issues, primarily with my mother, for years. Before I moved out and after. I moved out at the age of 18 and moved 2.5 hours away. Even from a distance she made it extremely difficult to keep a relationship with her. To make a long story short, she is very malicious, selfish, narcissistic, and constantly has a victim complex. It almost seems to be a jealousy issue, not sure of what? This behavior really started showing to me in the last few years. My husband always pointed it out, but I acted oblivious because she is my mother. This is primarily in my relationship with her. With others (brothers, friends, step parent) she is very loving and understanding and coddles them or just overall normal. With me, she always uses the response of "we are your family" "this is your family and you have to", etc.
Fast-forwarded, my husband and I got married in late August after being together almost 7 years. We found out that following week that I was pregnant. I am now 6wk's and 3 days pregnant. My parents obviously do not know that because we have not told any one yet. Today my mother discovered a photo from my wedding where other people were present. She, and none of my family were invited. We did a small elopement in the Michigan dunes with some very close friends, and my husbands brother and sister. They were our witnesses. My parents were never involved in the wedding much because my mom was very overbearing and they do not have a good relationship with my husband. (Never have. My step father is very controlling, although he means well, and my mother tried to mother my husband as her own. This doesn't work out well. ) Additionally, I received continual messages from my mother in regards to not wanting to be in our reception party later one, backlash from her, and just disgusting, mean texts. She even at one point asked me from my husbands bestfriends phone number to contact in case any family members showed up to the wedding.
Any who, she texted me about the photo and I was going to wait until my work day was finished to address it. I understand she is hurt. I get that. But hubby's parents were also not involved. My mom is being selfish, as is my husband's in this situation. My mom took it upon herself to post my wedding photo on her Facebook page with the caption "When your daughter says she is running away and getting married and your not invited but other our and we found this online!! Really now" This was 10 minuets after her message to me. Mind you, she had been demanding photos from me of our wedding. I had only had a few handfuls back from our photographer and he posted some sneak peaks. I knew my mom would find out we had people there one way or another. That was a given. However, how she is acting on social media has me in total and utter disgust. I have given her nothing but grace, love and empathy through our entire relationship. This set me over the edge. I do not know what to do. Am I wrong? IS she wrong? There is obviously much more to the story than this.. but with us expecting our first child, this is something I cannot continue to entertain and bring my child into.
I know this is a lot, and there is obviously a ton of back story of emotional abuse from my parents.. but I am at a dead end. This has been going on since I began my relationship with my husband in 2014. From shutting my phone off, cancelling my car insurance while traveling to visit my husband (all while in high school) to most recent events of placing hands on my husband, emotional abuse and telling me they were done with any type of relationship with me... My husband has always been great and forgiving toward them. But with most recent events when we moved back into town (placing hands and going after husband from my step father) he has drawn a line and refuses to communicate or have anything to do with them. He of course wants me to have a relationship with them.. but it seems nearly impossible with how they are still acting.
Any advice? Please...