Parent nightmare with guest list Help!

So my parents gave us 10k towards the wedding our goal was 100 people at our venue it would equal out to 5000 now my family alone I have a lot of first cousins and second cousins so equal to 64 people alone before my bridal party or my fiancé‘s list and ofcourse my parents were like you need to invite so and so and this person you see once a year If that. Super tough decision. I had to sit down with them and tell them it was ridiculous because my fiancé served in the marines and his list has friends who he hasn’t seen since they’ve been out in 2014 they live across the country so like hell I was gonna make him cut his list so I had to let my parents know that and that I would like to invite some of my friends and I didn’t think it was fair I had to invite these extended family and none of my friends. The whole reason behind it is drama at my sisters wedding so they were trying to avoid it so they said if we invite the extra handful they’ll pay for the extra people but that’ list was my largest stress point after I figured that all out everything else was gravy. I hope everything works out for you ! Hang in there ! At least you and future husband are on the same page !

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Thank You so much for the advice! It definitely gives me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome! I think it’s a common thing especially when parents are involved and paying for certain parts for sure!

I'm having a very similar problem, OP.

My parents are paying for the venue. Basically, they gave us $10,000 and said anything extra is yours. That's awesome and great, however, we currently have a reception space that can hold up to 175 people. Our guest list is currently at about 180 because my mom wants to invite people I grew up with, but don't really speak to anymore. I understand that she wanted to invite family and stuff, but so does my Fiance and because they are paying for the wedding, my mom has told him he can put people on a reserve list and anyone that declines can be replaced with people on that. Fine, but now she's insisting on inviting these extra people who WERE on the reserve list anyway, because she's betting on 20-50 people declining anyway. It's been the biggest stressor with this wedding so far and I am so ready to just saw "screw it" and elope, even though I've always dreamed of this wedding. I'm personally just holding out and hoping enough people decline that this won't be a problem, because I'm just so done with this issue that I'm basically shutting down and saying "I don't care."

Just Hold On, Stay Strong, Remain Focused!

My husband and I almost called our wedding off because of family drama several times and we paid for our own wedding! The way we did our guest list was...

1. Are they family?

2. Have we spoken to them in the past year...?

If they are each contributing financially show them the numbers... let them see what the situation looks like...

the idea of "just elope" will run through your head a million times if you're anything like me...

however I will admit it was SOOOOOOOOOO worth every moment!

I am on the same boat as you except my fiancé and I are paying for our own wedding. I have felt the same way as you this entire wedding planning process. It really is sad that others can’t just understand that if we had all the money in the world and could afford it, but wedding are much more expensive now compared to when our parents and grandparents got married and were able to invite many people. I have had multiple conversations with my parents and my fiancé with his however they will always have their opinions. All I can say is stand your ground and do what makes you and your fiancé happy the best you can. If you find anything that works for you please let me know because I’m about to loose my mind and just go and elope as well! Lol

Girl If they ain’t paying for it then YOU start cutting people!!! Put your foot down. And if your parents make it a huge deal then they are too concerned with impressing people when they should be concerned with your happiness

Thank you everyone so much for the advice! My FH is going to speak with his family today so hopefully it gets all worked out because i need to get these Save the dates off my kitchen table! Lol

Good luck to all of you too! We will get through it and i know at the end, the day will be worth the stress!

View Quoted Comment The only thing that has worked for my family: I sat down with them and showed them the numbers explaining that i was cutting mine ans my FH friends to accomodate my parents friends. Once my parents saw the number and how many people we were taking off they felt bad and started cutting alot

For my FH family he is going to talk with them today, they have been pretty stubborn up until now not budging so My FH has been pretty stern with them and really put his foot down. He told them hes giving them the opportunity to take people off or he will do it himself bc he is the one ultimately sending the invites. Lets hope tonight they can work through it.

I hate family drama and anyone fighting especially when this day should be about happieness and love!

Good luck to you! Eloping has deff been on my mind through all this lol hope some of my experience can help u!

I read a comment where somebody said they split the number of people they could afford at the wedding into 3 groups. Poster's parents got X amount of people they could invite, FH's parent's got the same X amount, and couple got the same X amount. Everyone had to stick to that amount of people to invite.

I would go a step further and tell them if they exceed their allowed amount of guests, they will need to contribute an additional $XX per guest they add on. I would assume that would cut the lists fairly quickly and then everyone also feels like they are treated fairly because both sets of parents have the same amount of guests allowed. (that way your parents aren't doing all the sacrificing) Also, you and FH will be able to add your friends back to the list, yay! Good luck!