Parent gifts for "step-parents" necessary?

I think you need to treat them all the same. How does your fh feel about it?

My fh also has 2 sets of parents. He was raised primarily by dad and step mom but his mom is still very important to him. Gifts and corsages/bouts will be the same for both but we are skipping mother son dance to keep the peace. We don't want to make anyone think less of one set of parents over the other because fh loves them both equally.

I would honestly just include him just to avoid any issues. My sister deliberately excluded our step-mom at her wedding/RD and she looked like an idiot. A lot of people called her out on it after the fact.

"Tony" is not his "stepdad". Tony is his stepdad. End of story.

FH's primary "parent" is his mother. His parent's divorce was an ugly one. FH is the only one of his siblings who even speaks to FFIL and his wife. FBIL was married 2 years ago and FFIL wasn't even invited. They are of course invited to ours (FBIL will need to just suck it up). While mom is important to FH, he doesn't hold any ill will towards his father or stepmother. But in fairness, she didn't enter the picture until FH was in college. He doesn't refer to her as his stepmother, just by her first name or as "his dad's wife".

FH wants a mother son dance without question and it will not involve his stepmother. I'm all for honoring mom and stepmom, but I don't necessarily think it needs to be in the same way. Stepmom will receive a pin on corsage and will walk into the reception during the DJ intros with FOG, but I don't believe (at this point), she'll have a unique walk down the aisle as the 2 mothers do, nor do I think she'll be in the receiving line with us. That could change according to what FH and MOG are comfortable with. So far everyone is playing nicely...both sides are coming together to pay for the RD which is a generous gift.

As far as his new stepdad goes...both FH and his stepdad would double over laughing. Tony would not want to be referred to as FH's stepfather. Their relationship is far more casual and friendly. As I said, I'm looking for ways to honor the parents involved without a) ignoring step parents (as I said, NOT my intention) or b) taking away from the MOG and FOG who actually raised FH in his formative years.

If the stepparents are helping pay for the rehearsal dinner, you should get them a small thank you gift. A bottle of wine and a card would suffice. I think your FH can have a mother-son dance without hurting his stepmom's feelings.

I think a corsage is fine for your FFIL's wife ( FH step mom) and a bout is fine for Tony (FH step dad). I agree the step mom doesn't have to walk down the aisle for the seating of the mothers (that should just be your mom and his bio mom) and your FH should do the mother son dance with his mom, there doesn't have to be an extra dance for the step mom and I don't think she'd expect it. As for the receiving line, do you think she'd expect to be in it?

If you're doing a receiving line, I'd line it up as: Bride groom MOB, FOB, MOG, FOG and then possibly SMOG and then Tony. But Tony's only been in the picture 2 years? I doubt he'd feel comfortable in the receiving line and will probably bow out. Same with her. They will most likely look to you as to where you want them at your reception/line.

Lastly the bout and corsage are fine as gifts. Maybe a nice card thanking them for being a part of FH's life and making FH's parents happy.

We got FHs stepdad a nice bottle of scotch. They were married when FH was in his late 20s. But, he's family now and we wanted to treat him like family.

You absolutely should include Tony. He probably won't expect it but he will love the surprise (and you'll look kind, welcoming, and polite instead of forgetful and rude!) He might be new to the family now, but he'll be there going forward.

Maybe for gifts, you could get one gift that would be appropriate for bioparent and spouse. Say gift certificate to a restaurant, a nice frame with a picture to come, and say to John and Mary, with love. In any event, you can give gifts privately, not at RD.

In any event, every step situation is different, you need to get the your FH on board as to how to treat his stepparent. If he feels it is disrespectful to treat HIS stepparent as a parent, HIS opinion is the one that matters the most.

I personally have two sets of parents and I honestly couldn't imagine not treating them as if they were my parents. They will be receiving gifts that are on the same level as my "real" parents. I have never considered my step parents as not equal to my parents. They love me and treat me as if I am their daughter why would I think it was okay to treat them as anything less than a parent.

Depends on the relationships. My step dad raised me, he got a gift. My step mom didn't. She got a wrist corsage though. Moms got a bigger one and step moms got a smaller one. They were included in all formal photos and were introduced into the room. Steps didn't walk down the aisle. With four sets of parents, everything was just more difficult!

Most of you PPs get where I'm coming from. Thank you for the various suggestions- especially the bottle of scotch. That's a good one.

Tinker- I agree. Steps probably won't walk the aisle ( or at least stepmom)...Tony may want to escort MOG but I think FH wants the honors (Tony can walk behind or sit ahead of time). And we aren't having any dads in the receiving line though I don't think the stepmom would be offended not being included in that. The overwhelming majority of the invitees are FH's family, most of whom are from mom's side- there's not a whole lot of love lost between mom's family and stepmom because of their history. Everyone is going to need to play nice that day- and they will. But why force titles and pleasantries when it'd just be best to have me/FH/and our moms as the line. Who knows--that could change. Steps will absolutely be in formal photos with us and will ALL be introduced at reception during our big entrance.

I'm just talking gift ideas.

We did get them corsages and boutonnieres, but not gifts. We just got our bioparents small tokens of our thanks, nothing big.

We are also paying for everything.