We got engaged last Sept (2018) and told my parents in person a week later and announced officially another week later. A few months ago we decided on a date and a budget between us. I went to talk face to face with my parents (4hrs away) about our vision and our plans for a Sept 2020 wedding. However my parents are going through personal things and I didn’t feel bringing it up then was a good idea. But with less than a year we need to get on the booking and invite stage. How do I tell my parents we’re going forward and asking how much they’d like to take part in?
Plan the wedding you can afford. If your parents are willing and able to contribute, they will let you know. Don't ask anyone for money. Don't count on anyone's money until their check clears your account. Sorry to be blunt, but this is the way to stay sane and have your wedding paid for. By you.
It's unclear to me from your post if you mean you're wondering how much they would like to be involved with the wedding/guest list planning or how much do they want to contribute financially? If it's the former, then I'd just ask them -- that sounds like a wonderful question/conversation. But, if you meant the latter, I'd skip that conversation. If at some point they offer some financial assistance, that would be awesome, but especially if they haven't made an offer over the past year you've been engaged and they are "going through personal things," I would not ask them for money. As others said, plan the wedding you and FH can afford, and if you receive any surprise gifts along the way, that will be an unexpected treat. Good luck!
Sorry I don’t want to mention money at all yes it would be a surprise but how do I say we finally picked a date and would they like to join in on the dress shopping, venue viewing etc? Would a phone call or try visiting again be better? And if they seem to still be in their personal place I don’t want to feel like I’m butting in and trying to “fix” things and make it about me and their attention to me. I don’t mean to sound vague but I guess the bottom line is how did you start the dialogue if you did at all.
If it’s not about the money I would just call them and tell them what you and your FH have decided for your wedding. You can’t worry about what they are going through if all you are doing is telling them your plans. They can then choose how involved they want to be.
I agree with Cyndy. As a parent, I'd love to hear how your plans are progressing. Personally, I couldn't imagine not being involved with daughter in her wedding planning. I don't know your exact situation, but I'd probably call and tell them the happy decisions you've made so far and let them know you'd be thrilled to have them go dress shopping or to take them on a tour of the venue, etc., if they would like to be involved. If they are too busy or have some other constraint, they can always decline. (Personally, you couldn't keep me away! ) Good luck!