Parent contribution

I don’t think it’s fair for anybody to count somebody else’s money. You have no idea what is going on in your ex’s life. There may be financial struggles that you are not aware of. Especially with the recent big expenditures you mentioned. On top of that, it is not an obligation for parents to pay for weddings. Couples are responsible for paying for their own events. If parents offer to contribute, then that’s very generous; but by no means an obligation or a requirement. The only “embarrassing” action I see here is you and your daughter’s reaction to her father not bankrolling an optional event. My suggestion would be for your daughter to be grateful for the contributions she received, and for you to focus on being happy for your daughter’s wedding, not on judging your ex’s life/decisions. Hopefully it will make for a more enjoyable experience for both of you.

I agree with Cece, no parent is required to contribute anything to a child's wedding. Personally I don't even think you should know what others are giving its really nobody's business but the person and the couple. People give what they feel comfortable giving and shouldn't be judged or shamed for that. She is really blessed to have so many family members willing to contribute. I hope you all can enjoy the special day

Maybe he wants to give her a generous wedding gift.

It’s not a good look to be upset by not getting a big enough cash donation to pay for a wedding. Many people are of the belief that if the couple is old enough to get married, they are old enough to figure out how to pay for everything themselves without outside help. Expecting someone else to pay large amounts of money for an optional item/service doesn’t reflect well on them and is ungrateful. Whoever offers to donate money gets full say in how it is spent. Neither you or dad are required or expected to pay a dime, especially if it means in your case that it is your last penny, as you said. What other people choose to give, if anything, as well as their finances in general, is no one’s business, including that of the couple who is receiving the gift. It sounds like everyone has something going on and no one is better than the next. Stop paying for the wedding moving forward, teach your daughter to be grateful for what she does have and seek out therapy for yourself to learn how to stop dwelling on whatever the ex husband is doing or not doing.

Why are you concerned with what your ex is contributing to the wedding? His money isn't yours to spend, and he's not obligated to contribute. I would encourage your daughter to be grateful for what she did receive.

You are incredibly generous. Unfortunately, not everyone is. You will be blessed for giving. Your daughter will be absolutely gorgeous, but please don’t put yourself in a position of giving that which you don’t have…

While PPs are right that you have no proper entitlement or expectation to money from your ex, I can understand why your daughter is somewhat disappointed if the circumstances are what you say. She’s only human, and involvement can sometimes take on added symbolism and meaning in the case of a divorced parent

But some people don’t want to be seen or named as co-hosts of an affair not up to their own typical tastes or standards, especially if they’ve had no input in the planning.
Likewise, don’t jump to conclusions based on what someone has or does. He may just be someone who lives way beyond his means. If the 4K dress took your last dime then this applies to you, too.

It’s possible he doesn’t believe in spending a lot on weddings, and again, would rather help set the couple up for the future rather than spend on a one day event. Or that he doesn’t particularly approve the match.
All of which come back to the conclusion that you can’t count or spend someone else’s money, have no entitlement to it, and are better off expecting nothing.