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Just Said Yes April 2022

Paranoid moms!

Alanna, on October 20, 2020 at 8:10 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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My fiancé and I are not planning on a very traditional wedding and have zero desire to have a ceremony in front of a lot of people. We both feel that our vows and the ceremony are for us and should be private. We do want to have a big party in our yard next year for all our friends and family though (once covid is less of a concern of course).

Since mentioning that early on, every single time we talk to or visit either of our mothers, they make some off hand remark about how they hope we didn't already get married without telling them! It's driving me nuts. My future mother in law called us both last week to just "check" that we really didn't get married yet. What the heck?! I don't get it. We are both not only children nor the first kids to get married...

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Maggie, on October 21, 2020 at 1:05 PM

Super October 2022
Michele · on October 20, 2020 at 8:23 PM
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Their response is likely due to being part of an older generation who sees a private ceremony with big party as being rude. The etiquette books do say it rude to invite guests tona reception but not the ceremony as they should be invited to both or skip the reception.
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Rockstar July 2019
Veronica · on October 20, 2020 at 8:46 PM
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It sounds like they are annoyed about not being include or told if you get married.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on October 20, 2020 at 8:48 PM
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Wow! My grandma somestimes acts this way.
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VIP August 2020
· on October 20, 2020 at 10:30 PM
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That sounds super annoying! Do you know when you're going to get married? If you know the date it might help you get through this time because you'll know when those questions will end. I would also recommend having a photographer if you can for your private ceremony. Unfortunately, there probably isn't any way out of this that doesn't result in another round of guilt-trippy questions/comments, but if you have pictures to show the mothers, they MIGHT feel a more included and tone in down a little bit.
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VIP August 1997
Belle · on October 20, 2020 at 11:03 PM
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I actually love and prefer my wedding to be totally private too, but as parents, I do understand their perspective too. They raised you, they have been there for every milestone of yours. They just don’t want to see this milestone too. Most parents want to be at their kids wedding, and see them in their happiest moments (before the grandkids are born🤪)
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on October 21, 2020 at 6:23 AM
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They're your parents, not some random acquaintances. Of course they want to be there when you get married!!!! They raised you, were there for you through everything- good and bad. They're happy for you and want to be there to share in this momentous occasion. Whats so horrible about that? My FH's father passed away before we got engaged. We'd give anything to have him there. Would it be so terrible to have a ceremony with just your parents there?
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Expert November 2020
Annika · on October 21, 2020 at 8:28 AM
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I totally understand wanting a private ceremony! I also understand that your parents may feel left out from what they consider your "real wedding." I think to keep the peace and keep them from being upset about missing your ceremony you should keep them in the loop about wedding plans so they trust that you aren't having a secret ceremony. I'm not saying you should tell them every little detail where they will have their own opinions on colors, flowers, etc but be open about plans. It is your wedding and you can do it however you want to! The "etiquette" on it being rude to invite people to a reception and not the ceremony is ridiculous and outdated. We are having a second reception in my hometown for the 300+ people my mom wants to invite and for family that won't travel to the ceremony. Most people can't afford (myself included) to host that amount of people at a wedding, and having a reception, even a simple open house style (like we are doing) makes it great to still celebrate your nuptials without all the crazy drama and stress of a "normal" wedding. Good luck!
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on October 21, 2020 at 9:24 AM
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Yes, this.
They want to be there because they are your parents, OP.
Obviously things change if someone was abusive, not in your life, etc. But assuming you get along well, you should have them there.
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Alanna · on October 21, 2020 at 10:11 AM
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I should clarify that we haven't planned anything at all yet bc of covid and his whole family living a few states away. It's just funny to me that they are so concerned that we would get married without telling them? When we do finally go to the court house we do plan to invite our parents and siblings, we just don't want to do the whole formal ceremony, walk down the aisle, I do's in front of 200 people....
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on October 21, 2020 at 1:05 PM
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Since you are planning to invite them, then just reassure them you won't do it without telling them. I agree it's a silly thing to worry about if you've made it clear they will be invited. But if you haven't told them yet, then I can understand why they are worried.
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