Paging Celia: Justice of the Peace/Judge vs. nonreligious minister ?

Thanks, Rachel! Just updated my post. I had a feeling she'd be the most knowledgable about this topic. Should have gone with my gut and paged her in the first place .

Following....my FH and i are in the same exact situation!

@FutureMrsL - so glad I'm not the only one! I was feeling kind of dumb.

Hi. For starters, not all states even have JPs; NJ does not, so unfortunately I am not as up to speed on this as I might be. I'm guessing that a JP does more of a short, non personalized service than a non-denominational minister or a civil officiant or a Celebrant (that is an actual thing.....we get trained in Montclair NJ). It might be a really good start to call a few of each kind and see what their process is and how closely it matches what you had in mind. A good officiant of any sort should be able to walk you through a sample ceremony that they do and you can see if it works for you in terms of creativity and performance skills.

Typically, our ceremonies have readings (non-scriptural), remembrances, stories about the couple, and ritual elements like glass pourings and wine ceremonies. I'd think about those parts that are meaningful for you and ask the people you interview if they are open to including them.

Thank you so much, @Celia! That helps a lot.

When I was looking around for someone nondenominational to marry us, I was turned off by the fact that in our state to be registered as an officiant, you have to be associated with some ministry. A lot of the ones I was finding were part of a ministry that had religious beliefs that I just don't agree with, even the supposedly nondenominational ones. I'm not sure if this matters to you, but something to keep in mind.

Here's the deal with that, Penguin. I don't know where you are, and I don't pretend to be an expert in all 50 states, but there are a lot of ministries that are very, very liberal in their views. Typical verbiage is, "a minister of any religion", which could mean almost anything.

All my officiants are ordained ministers. We very, very rarely do ceremonies with any religious content, as per our couples' wishes.

@celia I'm a very confusing person, honestly the people I was finding were too liberal for me! Ha! Even if they weren't bringing in any religion into the ceremony, I didn't like the ministries they were associated with, and my family definitely would like it.

FH and I kind of come from opposite religions, so getting married by either one wasn't an option. Neither of us is really religious right now though.

In the end we are just going to get married in private by someone a family friend knows and who happens to be associated with a pretty neutral group and that I know what he practices in every day life.

Penguin, did you try looking at a UUA or UCC minister? Both quasi-mainstream but usually pretty flexible.....

Ms Celia! While we have you on a thread, any friends or colleagues in PA? I'm getting married outside of Philadelphia.

I started following you on Pinterest... love the vow ideas you pin! Thanks in advance

@Anne, thank you for your kind words! I have a fab colleague in my group who does Philly, and two other associates down there that do as well.

If you PM me, I'm happy to send all their info along. And congrats!

@Anne, thank you for your kind words! I have a fab colleague in my group who does Philly, and two other associates down there that do as well.

If you PM me, I'm happy to send all their info along. And congrats!