Overwhelming Anxiety

Can you simplify the ceremony to remove aspects that would contribute to your embarrassment? You could remove the wedding procession and just enter through a side door. Maybe wear something dressy but not so bridal. Avoid most or any preparation before the ceremony. Find an officiant who will say minimal words to marry you. Practice in your mind to be calm during the ceremony. Also, some brides have something in their hand (or with them) that helps soothe their anxiety. Maybe your fiancé can help there. Or you could quickly join toastmasters or some other group where you would be in front of people.

Some additional ideas would be to find ways to lighten the mood by adding some light humor or sneak in some distraction by your fiancé. Have procession music that is a bit unusual and has you and your fiancé racing down the aisle together.

Hope you find something that achieves a good balance.

View Quoted Comment I’ve thought about things that I could do to make it a simple and quick ceremony, but then I get anxiety about people thinking it wasn’t a good ceremony for being short.

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If the ceremony location and reception venue are near to each other, a short ceremony should not be a problem. The other option is to have music playing and not have your fiancé or you in the room yet. Delay entering and make an announcement that the groom is delayed getting dressed. Finally enter together for a short ceremony that people are glad is over. Or have some people speak after you share your vows.

I suppose others may give better ideas.

What about doing vows just you and your fiancé, then having everyone at the reception? Then it will be more like party. Just have everyone arrive at cocktail hour, serve dinner and have dancing.

A friend of mine has a lot of anxiety in crowds but yet it was important for her to marry in front of loved ones. They had a first look together with the photographer and then said afterwards that it eliminated any anxiety that they had beforehand.


Be aware that you may irreparably hurt feelings by not inviting loved ones to the ceremony while having them at a reception to celebrate an event they were not welcome at.

Don't read your own vows, have your officiant guide them but you can have honored guests do a reading during your ceremony to help lengthen it. The ceremony is a very small part of the day in the grand scheme! Most guests don't care about that part too much hahah

View Quoted Comment While some people may not care about the ceremony, many do and see it as the main event to celebrate. That is why a number of people actually do get upset when they are invited to the reception only and choose to decline the invitation, because they were not invited to the main event that the reception is celebrating. That is a valid feeling even if you don’t agree with their take.


Also, not all guests are comfortable with public speaking in front of strangers and leave the readings to the officiant.

View Quoted Comment Obviously anyone doing a reading would be decided on in advance and would agree to it. Also, I’m not “for” short ceremony which should be a given since I have the poster advice on how to lengthen a ceremony without having them be the center. The poster made it clear she doesn’t want a ceremony that’s too short and I agree with that. But I wouldn’t not get married out of fear for a short ceremony, not sure your comment is alleviating any of the fear 😊