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Expert November 2020

Overwhelmed and Trying Not to Breakdown

Ashley, on November 7, 2019 at 3:57 PM Posted in Planning 0 4
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First things first, I'm loving the wedding planning process even when it drives me to drink sometimes. Haha I needed to vent somewhere and get everything out so I don't just break out into tears. Here's the story:

I am a Colorado bride, but my parents live in South Korea (Air Force family) and my sister/matron of honor lives in Texas (also an Air Force family). My best friend and second matron of honor lives 2 hours from me, but is in dental school and works every day and is recently married to a doctor so their only time together is on weekends. My two bridesmaids are my cousins that live in Michigan and are both in college still. Call me crazy for picking all busy people for my bridal party, but they're the people that mean the most to me so I wouldn't change it for the world. Anyways, I've been trying to plan a time to get together with my best friend so we can talk wedding and I can run things by her and mostly get some help with my bachelorette party. She keeps telling me I shouldn't be the one planning it, but my sister has two kids and has enough on her hands, my two cousins aren't familiar with Colorado, and she is too busy to help either, so hence, I've planned the whole thing and just want to run it by someone to see what they think and get a second opinion. I know life gets crazy busy, I myself have a full-time job as a bridal stylist, am in a Masters program, have a puppy (whose kisses renew my energy), and my FH travels almost every other weekend for work. What pushed me over the edge was the fact I had our tasting planned with our potential caterer on December 1st (only 4 days from when our wedding date would be next year (November 27th, 2020)) so that we could also scope out when sunset will be for our wedding next year as well. Long story short, I invited my best friend to join us, along with her husband, but she left a voicemail saying "we are going to Milwaukee for Thanksgiving and won't get back until the 2nd; you should tell me these things before you plan them." I haven't responded, but I told her 2 weeks ago that I scheduled it, but I think she forgot due to her crazy schedule. I'm definitely not upset that she can't come because I know it's around a holiday, but it pushed me over the edge emotion wise because once again, no one has helped with planning or done anything wedding with me (other than when my mom visited and helped me find my dress in July). My FH has helped with picking the venue, but everything else he either just gives me a thumbs up or thumbs down. My parents where very engaged with my sister's wedding, but the situation was also different because they were stationed in the same states at the time. My best friend was also a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding and help her a ton, but again, she wasn't in dental school at the time. I'm not trying to pull the "it's not fair" card because obvious the situations are very different. It's the fact that none of them seem to even be interested in lending a helping hand or an ear or even ask if there's anything I'm stressed about or how planning is going.

I'm just feeling entirely overwhelmed and alone.


Latest activity by Mandee, on November 7, 2019 at 11:42 PM
  • Brandi
    Devoted July 2020
    Brandi ·
    • Flag
    Hi Ashley! Unfortunately, many of us will say, “no one’s supposed to help you. It’s your and FHs wedding.” But, I know we all love a listening ear and a second opinion. My situation is completely different than yours but my bridal party consists of my MOH (my BFF), a little Cousin that’s completely immature but like a little sister to me, another cousin that’s getting married in January (I’m in her wedding) and another cousin who is also in our cousin’s wedding and another wedding right before mine. I try and talk with FH but he doesn’t really care much about the little things such as centerpieces lol. I call my mom and aunt for opinions or text them. That’s about it. No one is going to be as excited as you about your wedding. Try and talk when you can especially, because of distance. But, don’t have the expectation for much more. Take a break when you need to, have a drink and get your puppy’s kisses lol. But, having minimal expectations from other people will keep you a little stress free. Hope this helps.
    • Reply
  • Jill
    Expert April 2020
    Jill ·
    • Flag

    First, I definitely understand where you're coming from. I work full-time, am finishing my masters, and have two dogs. Also, my bridal party consists of my MOH in Oklahoma (5 hours away from me), sister (6 hours away), two local girls that I know from college (one is getting married in March and the other is the MOH in her wedding), and two coworkers (both who travel every week for work). I understand wanting to get everyone together but it's not always realistic. My MOH has come into town a couple times and through various brunches has meet all but 1 bridesmaid. My sister hasn't met anyone other than my MOH. It would be great if they could all meet, but I understand life happens as well. I agree that you shouldn't plan your own bachelorette party. Is there a friend or two local who is invited to the wedding that you would also want at the bachelorette party? They could help with finding stuff to do in the area! My FH also doesn't help plan much, but is always there to say yes I like this or no I don't. I would try not to do so much at once and spread it out so you don't go crazy planning (this was me in the beginning). I know it can be lonely but hang in there! It'll be worth it in the end.

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  • Sarah
    Devoted March 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Trust me I know how you feel. I have not had help with my wedding planning either except the wedding venue. My fiancé keeps saying that it is my day, so the wedding should be the way I want it. You are a women and you are strong enough to plan the whole wedding and bachelorette party. My maid of honor leaves the begging of January to student teach in Ireland for a few months and my one bridesmaid is in the Navy. My fiancé and I have different days off. I have the weekends and he has Monday’s and Tuesday’s off. So I completely understand where you are coming from.
    • Reply
  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
    • Flag

    I think the thing that messes most of us up is the idea of what wedding planning should be like (thanks Hallmark channel). We watch movies and TV shows that show all these women flocking to help the bride nitpick everything right down to the shade of the napkins! So we have these high expectations and then we all seem to fall short. I'm planning on inviting people to things and if they come great and if they don't then I'll enjoy myself by myself.

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