Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Dedicated January 2020

Overreacting or just being too harsh with Fsil?

Amina, on October 22, 2019 at 8:42 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

Saved

Flag
Hide content

So my FSIL is 20 about to be 21 in January and she is very immature and irresponsible with money. I informed all the girls (she’s a BM) back in May the dress they will be wearing along with the price and everyone agreed. This was also after I asked everyone’s budget and found something to fit. 9 months later when it’s getting close to the deadline to order, FSIL all of a sudden doesn’t have the money to order her dress and needs FH to cover her while she pays him back later. This seems to be a recurring issue with her that she never has money for things she should be budgeting for but has money to give to her bf and spend on food. Mind you, she has a consistent job, lives at home with her parents and only is responsible for paying $200/month for “rent”. She already dropped out of the bachelorette trip after having my FH cover the deposit for her and couldn’t come up with the remainder even after having 5 months notice and expected FH to cover her as usual. I think that at this point she needs to learn how to be more responsible with her money and grow up. Everyone just pays for everything for her or lends her money for important things that she has more than enough heads up about because she just throws her money at things that aren’t important/useful. I really wish FH and her parents would step up and cut her off and finally force her to grow up because I don’t think she will at this point because she’s so comfortable. I just really can’t understand how after more than 9 months she couldn’t have come up with $120 for her dress but she’s constantly eating out, going to six flags and gives her bf money. We have even paid her on multiple occasions to watch our dog when we travel on the weekend. Am I being too hard on her or am I just in being annoyed at this point?

Flag
Hide content

9 Comments

Latest activity by Alejandra, on October 22, 2019 at 6:16 PM

Master May 2019
Chandra · on October 22, 2019 at 8:46 AM
Flag

Hide content
While it is annoying that she depends on others to pay things for her (believe me...my brother is 30 and still has this issue), it's not really your place to decide how she spends her money. She's young and obviously doesnt have the real world experience of being financially responsible for things. I'd just let it go. If you can buy her dress, just count it towards part of her thank you gift.
- Reply
Master January 2015
null · on October 22, 2019 at 8:46 AM
Flag

Hide content
I completely understand where you're coming from, and it definitely sounds like your FSIL has some growing up to do. It sounds like she's used to not having to pay for anything and knows everyone will cover for her. That or either she really isn't concerned with being in this wedding if it wasn't important enough to her to save the $120 over nine months (that's literally less than $15 a month, totally doable).
- Reply
Master September 2019
Sarah · on October 22, 2019 at 8:48 AM
Flag

Hide content
I don’t think you’re necessarily being too hard on her, but I also don’t think it’s your place to have an opinion on how and why her parents help her financially since she’s only 20. You can certainly express your concerns to FH and he can choose to set that boundary and not help her if he wants. If she can’t afford the dress and no one else will help her, she can be a guest. You don’t get to dictate that no one can help her though.
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on October 22, 2019 at 11:41 AM
Flag

Hide content
I totally understand where you're coming from. My sister is this way and she is also only 21, but she lives on her own. She bought her bridesmaid dress, but she couldn't afford to have it altered so my mom paid for the alternations. My sister then didn't like how she looked in the dress and threatened to drop out so I went and bought her a new dress 7 days before my wedding and my mom paid for that dress to be altered. She didn't have the money for her hair and makeup to be professionally done and tried guilty my mom and I into paying for it the morning of the wedding. Mind you, she is constantly going out drinking and partying. She also was getting fake eyelashes every 6 weeks and they were $100 each time, but yet she said she had no money for rent. My mom finally stopped trying to help because my sister wasn't learning. It sounds like your fiance and his family need to stop enabling her.
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on October 22, 2019 at 11:48 AM
Flag

Hide content
I forgot to mention that I bought my sister a new dress because I had already bought her bridesmaids gifts and included her on the programs. We also would have had to switch up the pairings for the professional, recessional and introductions if she dropped out and I wasn't willing to go through that stress 7 days prior to my wedding so it was easier just to buy her a new dress.
- Reply
Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 22, 2019 at 11:59 AM
Flag

Hide content
To me, $120 isn't worth ruining a relationship with my sister in law especially over a dress she would need for MY wedding. My husband's sisters are older than your FSIL, and his father paid for all their dresses. I'm confident one of them would 100% not be able to afford the dress if her dad hadn't paid.
- Reply
Dedicated January 2020
Amina · on October 22, 2019 at 12:02 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I never said anything ruining our relationship. I said I’m annoyed how she constantly asks my FH for money when it’s something she knows she’s going to have to pay for but she always has money for trivial things. It’s starting to affect me because he gets stressed feeling like he’s responsible for taking care of his family on top of trying to do well at work and stay sane with regular life like everyone else. Seems like she just gets a free ride from everyone with no consequences
- Reply
Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 22, 2019 at 12:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

If she is dramatic & immature, I assume your fiance not paying for the dress and you having to tell her she can't be in the bridal party will have a negative effect on the relationship? I guess I would assume that. I think the dress makes sense to purchase for her. We paid for two groomsmen's suits to help them out. But going forward, the financial discussion should happen in couples counseling before your wedding so you two are on the same page with everything financially.
- Reply

Super March 2019
Alejandra · on October 22, 2019 at 6:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
Amina, I had similar problems with my sil and how she always depended on my husband to back her up whenever she didn't have enough however, my problem also included mil even though she's married to my hubbys stepdad. I know total bs! I had no bridal party and for my bach party which was in Vegas, which my sister surprised me with she asked if I wanted to include my then fsil, as much as I actually enjoy her company it would have completely messed up my weekend if either #1 She asked my fiance to borrow money with our upcoming wedding just to go party or #2 if she went and then figured someone would cover her anyway. When I met my in laws we got along well and we still do but I quickly learned my lesson when my then boyfriends bday was getting close and I after attending their bday parties I saw how lively they were and how much fun we all had. I proposed that we celebrate the usual way but as a surprise and lead him to think that we were going to eat somewhere instead. My mil quickly told me the list of people who they usually invite maybe 15 adults and literally like 9 - 12 kids from ages 2-10 and proceeded to tell me how much meat to bbq I should buy and how much beer and alcohol I should buy, oh dont forget the cake and side dishes. They offered to help with decorations and chips and dip. Lol, I was super shocked, I told them I didn't have money to spend hundreds of dollars on a 6 hour party. MIL told me that when you invite someone you usually pay for everything or at least thats how they felt. Now we don't invite anyone anywhere! SIL also has had to figure out her situation, MIL is married and SIL has a long term boyfriend so it gets annoying when we go over to visit and they complain about money yet talk about the new shoes they bought or listen to them talk about how much they drank the night before and how they want some more today.
Lol, small rant from me. It really boils my blood when I think about the times we would go over ad MIL would they were broke but there were 2 24 packs of beer and a patron bottle. Broke, hmmm I wonder why?
- Reply