Overbearing Mother

There are most always strings attached if someone is paying or helping to pay for the wedding. If you want 100% control then you 100% pay.

Can you turn it around so that she is selecting a lot of this stuff and you either reject or approve of it? If she does not offer ideas that are acceptable, say you can't go with that idea. But you might have to resign yourself to something of her vision (if she really has one). The other part of this is that your FH is also on "your" side you should speak on behalf of both of you. This has to be something you both are doing and approving.

If worse comes to worse, there is elopement. But it is best not to threaten with that option -- as some manipulative response.

Agree with Jm Sunshine. If you want complete control, you may have to decline your parents’ financial assistance. The threatening they are doing is not cool at all.


I have to be honest and say I disagree with the second poster as that is not going to help things at all. Your mother does not sound like someone who will run things by you for approval if you give her reign based on what you have said already. That will only lead to you giving up YOUR vision for the wedding and getting something completely tailored to your parents. Especially if they’re writing the checks and have the vendor contact information at their fingertips.
Put her and Dad on an “information diet”. What they don’t know, they can’t make comments on and criticize. If they start to ask about things say “thanks but we have it handled”. If she is criticizing all your wedding dress ideas, don’t take her dress shopping as that will make your experience stressful. Some women just go with friends, some with a sister, some with a cousin, or even alone (my own mom actually did when she dress-shopped in ‘89). Surround yourself with people supportive of you and not ones that want to push their own agenda.

First and foremost pay for the wedding without your parents assistance. Whether that means downsizing your wedding so you can afford it or not. Parents are going to want and expect control if they are the ones covering the costs associated with the wedding. Second not sharing ideas with your mom. The only things she really needs to know if the location and time of the wedding. She doesn't need to be involved in the planning process if she isn't paying.

You've already moved out of their house. Your "absoute hell" is allowing your parents to financially control you to get a wedding. Decide with your FS how you want to start your lives. If you pay for it with your own money, you can still invite your parents to the wedding. It's better for your relationship that they are not involved in the planning.

Congratulations on your engagement but unfortunately this part is a nail bitter when family members are involved with the wedding planning process bc they hold the purse strings. So parents like only want what they want and nothing of you and your FH. Only I can say speak with them I tell them how you are feeling about the things that has occurred. And I pray that they understand that this is your wedding and appreciate them for helping with money part. But times have chnage they have gotten married and I hope start to bend abit so can feel that you have had so touches in planning your wedding. That to me with those issues but it wasn't my parents it was our kids. Lol and before you ask yes they are grown lol. And we paid for our items except my now husband boss paid for our wedding as a gift to us. Everything else we paid and paid for things that we has any idea on what they paid for or was until a week before the wedding. I hope that everything works out for you

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Wow. That was a great present by his boss. Monique, you have the most interesting things happen in your wedding.

View Quoted Comment That's not even the half of it lol lol there were some very high greats things and some lows. I found out that he was at the church a whole three hours before me lol lol. But over all we are very happy that we are married now and that we hot married in a church. Obviously that wasn't the place where we supposed to be. Now we are just trying to get settled in our new roles and life.

If you want to stop your mom from calling the shots, you need to decline her money and plan the wedding that you want and can afford on your own.

I'm sorry you're going through this. As an adult woman, boundaries are important. It's hard for parents to let go, but it's doable. Try and talk things out. If they don't respond to your boundaries you may have to exclude them from this process. Again, I'm very sorry.