Over reacting?

That sounds super annoying, and you have the right to be annoyed at her. Since she's bringing the one infant can't she just bring the other kids? Can your FH try asking her again to bring the other kids so they can be apart of the wedding? Or are you just like over it now?

Oh yes, newborns need to be with their moms. Even for weddings where people say “no kids,” newborns are always the exception.

I wouldn’t bring my newborn to a wedding because they are unpredictable and we’re in the middle of a pandemic. If she is breastfeeding that may be why she is hesitant to be separated from her child but I wouldn’t want a baby crying during my ceremony either.

View Quoted Comment Honestly, I have been over their friendship for a while. But it’s his best friend so I want to be supportive. I think she is pissed I didn’t ask her to be my maid of honor (even though I’m not having a bridal party). I just see it as bring them all or bring none. He’s annoyed that I said no to the baby if she won’t bring the other 2 so I’m just not sure what to do.

View Quoted Comment I have no problem with newborn if she brings the 2 children he is attached to. It just doesn’t seem fair to deny that attachment to him for the last 3 months and now the second you are expecting ask to bring the baby that will be 4 months and not the niece and nephew.

View Quoted Comment I have no problem with newborns! One of my cousins will have a 6 month old baby there. It’s the denying to bring the 2 children that we have an attachment to but bringing the new baby that I have a problem with. We adore those children and they adore us. It hurts that she wouldn’t allow them to come but first thing out of her mouth now is “I can bring the baby to the wedding right?”

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Ah, I see. Sorry I misunderstood! Yes, it would be sad if she didn’t bring them too knowing that he wants to see them. It would be a great opportunity to make lots of memories and photos together.

She may want the newborn because of feeding, that sort of thing. But also knows that it will be hard to manage the two others if she’s still recovering from childbirth and tired.
If you said no kid then no kids if course. But if you are ok with kids but she doesn’t want to bring her two older ones, that happens all the time. A newborn is so much easier to keep track of then the ones who can walk :-)

I don't see this. Where she goes baby goes. But her reason for not bringing the others likely is not to deprive you of seeing them ( something you would have maybe 10 minutes to do all afternoon or evening.) She has been this path before, and knows with the baby, she will probably be perpetually exhausted. Around 3-4 months many babies being fed every 2-3 hours shift to 3-4 hours between the start of one feeding and the start of the next. Which may give mom a whole 2 hours at a time not doing baby, when she usually has the other two , and the house or a job. She likely wants a rest to enjoy adult company for a change. The baby does not walk or crawl anywhere, and if fussy, mom stands up and leaves, crying gone if not stopped.
The other two , in a crowd, are an age to run around get into anything, crawl under tables, and break pout into crying or a tantrum if upset or tired. Someone has to be on top of them every second. Did it occur to you that maybe she has not been avoiding you at all? Maybe she has had no energy at all for anything beyond her new husband, work, and 2 kids. And with covid, many months of little or no daycare or school, 24/7 kids. With her 3rd she knows she will be coming put of months of sleep deprivation then, and will only rest if the kids ( older 2) are not there. After the wedding, you may have a chance to visit in her area, and take the 2 kids out.
Give her a pass on this . I don't know if you plan to have kids. Buy as one who has been there, done that, mother of 5, I would stay home rather than take 2 young kids and a baby so young. I never take kids that young out if I cannot provide enough supervision. It is not right for them to run wild, and make things hard for staff and other guests.

Absolutely no. No kids is no kids lol how can he not understand? Especially a newborn!! I would be so pissed if it started crying at the ceremony lol it’s quite disrespectful of both of them to even consider bringing a newborn.

If it’s an adult event, then it’s an adult event (period). So that either means that guests have to decline or they’ll make childcare plans (and possibly need to leave early). But certain sacrifices come with the territory of being a parent.

View Quoted Comment The grand parents of the kids will also be at the wedding. Whenever there is an event she has no problem allowing them to watch the 4 and 6 year old while she enjoys said event. We chose a kid friendly venue since so much of my family has young children so they can all play together and be safe (and feed the fish!). As far as her avoiding my FH, it’s virtually. She doesn’t respond to texts unless she wants something and then she treats it as he better answer her ASAP. It’s how their friendship has been since I’ve known him. I’m sure I’m projecting some of my feeling about their relationship into this situation but it just feels unfair. I’ve been waiting to see how she makes the day about her or how long until she backed out of coming and this feels like it.

I'm on the friends side. She wants a night away from her children but she feels she cant leave her newborn, who is more fragile and relies on her for food. This is completely understandable and not insidious. Leave it be.


Also, for PP, letting a mother be with her newborn is more important than dead silence during your ceremony. Sorry.

We had an adult only ceremony and if some didn't like it, they had the option not to attend. Newborn or not. Its your wedding, your day.

This seems more like this is kinda the “last straw” moment. Like you’ve sat by and watched all these things happened that you’ve let slide by and now you’re done doing so. Maybe try talking to your FH about how you both feel? Idk if you feel comfortable talking about it with him in a way that’s not confrontational but a way to have a better understanding of things and kinda setting boundaries (if that’s the right word for it).

View Quoted Comment I think you’re right, the “last straw” does seem to depict how I’m feeling. He said we would talk about it tonight, he just didn’t want to talk last night because we were both upset. Hopefully us talking will help sort it out.

View Quoted Comment Not at my wedding 😂 no thanks.

View Quoted Comment Hope the talk goes well and you both feel happy with a decision

View Quoted Comment Why would anybody want to bring a newborn baby to a wedding? You wouldn’t be able to have any fun, and you’re exposing them to a bunch of germs (even pre pandemic) that they don’t need. This is an easy decline of invite.