Over it. What to do

I am sorry but this is not the way to enter a marriage and it sounds like with how you feel you will enter your marriage with a lot of problems. I think you both in a calm state need to sit down and really talk this out. I feel you two can have a nice wedding but on a small scale which means finding a more affordable venue and cutting back on the reception. Have you two considered a brunch wedding? It is earlier but that or a lunch wedding on an off day could be cheaper. You both should find a happy medium and set a budget for that. I would have loved to spend at least a few thousand and have a slightly larger wedding but my FH hates all attention on him just like you mentioned so we figured out something that is a happy medium. I get a nice venue and the ceremony with a few people which is not what I imagined but I am happy about and he gets something highly affordable and simple. I think you should also maybe have an understanding with him that if he wants something that is not of much interest to you then he can spend the money. He should remember it is one day and there are ways to have a nice wedding and not break the bank. Check out country clubs as the ones I have looked into here are more affordable than hotels. A few friends of mine have done earlier day weddings to cut back on money and it is fine. If we were having a larger ceremony and reception I would have done that or have done a week day and catered out.

I wouldn't have a wedding right now but he insists. I have a friend that is working for a church in the nearby city that I wanted to have the garden ceremony. They wanted $1000 for a rental- which is not bad, cheapest we have come across. I just asked her if we would be permitted to have alcohol if we had our reception there. She said she will get back with me on Monday. So fingers crossed if she does then we can probably manage that.

Is he doing any of the planning? I was in a similar place with my FH before with him just having unrealistic expectations of what we could accomplish so I spent so much time trying to plan a wedding that would fit what everyone wanted but still be on a budget and it was just impossible. So I had him get more involved in the planning by making him help me decide and look at the prices for everything too! Once we did that, he realized how unrealistic everything we were trying to do was. Maybe try that with you FH?

Thanks for the advice but I have. He wants this lavish party basically. Ive even said just have yourself a big birthday party if thats all you want but he says no. IDK maybe he thinks it will bring our families together or some BS which wont work. Thats another story, everything is "good" now but, I don't go around them unless it is absolutely necessary. When he tried to get his mom involved, she started to tell me that we didn't need appetizers only a meal. And the reason we were having apps were because I didn't really care for any of the "dinner" menu items. I am not about to just start doing whatever else wants. My mom tried to tell the dress lady that I wasnt going to have a beach wedding because of people drinking and driving. I was like no actual I've already said a million times I do want it at the beach. Everyone has a d$amn opinion and its really old.

My FH has almost no financial compass, so now he sees that it is expensive but does not care. I always have to watch the money because he just can't control himself. Its something that I have just learned to live with. So I said I can not spend 10,000 on one day for everyone else to have a good time. I said why should we pay for other people to party?? I tried to do a destination wedding and then have everyone go on a dinner cruise. Problem solved? Tickets to the place in November are cheap- I have been there a million times. He says they cant be cheap.. The thing is that he wants his entire family to come and they arent going to fly to florida, so Im like whatever. He still thinks we can do the whole wedding for $3,000. He tried to show me the country club that his sister got married at, he was like look to rent the place is $1800 and they give you table and chairs. I said yeah, thats it! The other place for $4000 gives you wayy more, so if you add those other things thats over $2000.. He just has no damn idea and like I said this is like the 3 or 4th place that I have actually planned out and I told him but he acts like he has no idea. So I am hoping that this church venue will work out.

Wow, I'm so sorry. That is really difficult. I know this isn't very helpful but it may be worth trying to have more talks about money with him. Considering this is only going to be the beginning. I would honestly say you shouldn't try to plan the lavish wedding he wants if he doesn't take more initiative in finding something that realistically fits the budget. I know you said you have involved him but it sounds like he still doesn't understand how it works. If he won't be more realistic, I don't know how you can possibly give him what he wants, and it isn't really fair to you. If it were me, I would do my best to plan the modest wedding you guys can truly afford and factor in some fancy things where you can. I agree it is not worth going into debt over one day. I'm really sorry you seem to have people stressing you from every side.

I really agree with this. You guys HAVE to be on the same page. You just have to. For your relationship, your sanity, and your budget, lol.