I'm just going to vent a little here because if you aren't a bride you won't understand and really, there are far greater things to worry about these days than my canceled wedding right? Hello COVID! But, I am bummed. I mean, down right sick to my stomach everytime I think about this situation - bummed. I honestly have no idea which direction I want to take. Everytime I start thinking about everything I just get sad. I know it's stupid. After all, it's just a wedding ceremony right? But I was really looking forward to it. I dreamt of this what seems like forever. I am 45 years old and I swear I thought I'd die single at one point. So to find someone who is essentially my best friend and be able to have a nice wedding ceremony in St. Lucia ... would've been the stuff that dreams are made of. We had a spectacular room, first class flights - all paid for! And now.... nothing.
Back story - this would've been my second marriage. My first, I was young and really had to idea what I was doing. My ex found a JOP online who met us in our living room and married us. We didn't even tell anyone for months. I can't even remember how many years I was married and I could never even remember the anniversary date. I vowed, as I matured, to never do that again....
This time however, literally, this man is my best friend. While most were close to killing each other during shut down times, we were reveling in the time we had together. This time, I was going to be a "real" bride. I was going to have all the experiences that I didn't get before, the parties, real wedding invitations, on the beach in beautiful St. Lucia and of course, the dress!!! We even had a hashtag... #happilyeveranderson.
Anywho, right before things started to shut down, we decided to marry. We thought, if things clear up before July, we could still have our wedding and no one would be the wiser. Literally the day before the county office shut down, we had a JOP meet us in the park with my MOH and her BF as witnesses and married. I want to be clear, marrying him, absolutely no regrets. The steps however, felt vaguely familiar and in a not so good way. As the days went on, it became painfully clear we'd have to cancel. Sucks. Just, sucks!!! But, we decided we'd do a wedding photoshoot with just him and I in our wedding best and send out announcement cards on our planned 7/25/20 wedding day. But we are in Texas, one of the new hotspots and quite honestly, if it isn't absolutely necessary (i.e. food) I really don't want to leave the house.
So, I said all this to say.... I'm OVER IT! I'm just going to send some generic announcement cards using a picture we took at the park and move on with my life. I would love to plan something for our wedding anniversary but let's face it, planning anything at this point is a huge risk and I cannot take anymore disappointment in this area.
I'm not even sure why I wrote all this. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe someone else needed to see they are not alone in this type of fiasco. Lord knows I've been googling stories; trying to get rid of that "i'm the only one going through this" feeling.
Good luck to all those who are holding out hope or who were creative enough to find another way to keep the party going and I pray health, happiness and loving marriages for all.