Over-inviting when your guest list is mainly people that live out of town/state?

You should definitely only invite the number of people that your venue can accommodate. People will surprise by who says they can or can't attend. This is why I always highly recommend making a guest list before searching for venues to that you decide on a venue that is large enough.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely this.

Invite the number of people you can fit and afford.

Agreed! When we toured the venue we had a preliminary guest list and the venue was advertised at fitting 200-230. There were some other factors we loved about it (housing on site and we get the place for five days). Once we'd done the deposit and started looking at seating options, etc. was when we found out it's more comfortable for about 180.

I think we're struggling with which family members its acceptable not to invite. For instance, I have step-siblings I've never met. Do they really need to be invited to my wedding? We've got extended aunts/uncles/cousins? Some of whom we talk to, and some of whom we don't? Do we really need to invite the ones we only talk to at the occasional family reunion, or stick with the ones we speak to on a regular basis? Etiquette says we should, and I don't want to offend anyone. But to me, it's like, if I don't talk to you often, why on earth would I ask you to spend money to attend my out of town/state wedding? Are you going to be there because you want to partake in our wedding day or because its a familial obligation?

View Quoted Comment We had a complete guest list when we went to your venues. It sounds like you are either going to need to cut a lot of guests or find a different venue because you can't assume x number of people will say no.

People always say to only invite the number of people your venue can accommodate. However, as someone who has a large extended family in another country, I am inviting a bit over. We can have about 100 and I'm hoping to whittle down our list to 110-115. I wouldn't send Save the Dates to anyone you're not sure is invited though.

Just go with the 200 guest that your venue allows you to have...and those are the ones who you send those invited too

Our venue could hold up to 150 but we paid for the package of 85. We invited 82. We had 44 show, so 53%. It saved us money, we knew we could accommodate everyone, and we had an amazing, fun wedding. But it was still incredibly disappointing to receive 47% declines. That being said I wouldn’t invite step siblings you haven’t met or extended family you only see at reunions. You really don’t have to.

Absolutely only invite what your venue can hold

Absolutely only invite 200 people max. Those percentages are statistics... nothing more. My wedding we actually only had about 2/3 of our invited guests attend. But I’ve seen some brides on here who literally had 100% of their guests attend. You have to have space to accommodate everyone you invite.



Regarding a “b list” I’m definitely in the minority here of people who thinks that B listing is ok under certain circumstances. The main circumstances being (1) you have to do everything you can to make sure this guest doesn’t feel second-class, which means trying to make sure they don’t know they were B-listed, BUT (2) you have to assume that this person MAY find out they were B-listed... and therefore only do it to people who wouldn’t be offended if they found out this was the case.

For example, my “B-list” was mostly my mom’s friends. I gave her a certain number of people to invite. She has SO MANY FRIENDS though. So most of her friends understood not being invited. But when people on the A-list declined, she extended an invite to some more of her friends. Also, I have a friend from childhood who I was on the fence about inviting and had decided not to since I hadn’t seen her in a few years. Like 6 weeks before the wedding we actually ran into each other and hung out for a couple hours. Then I invited her to the wedding. So these are people who weren’t expecting to be invited at all, but were thrilled to be included regardless. If you think they may be offended, don’t even bother adding them.

You do NOT send a save the date to anyone on your B list. Save the dates only go to people who you are 100% sure will be receiving an invitation. And if you do B list, make sure you don’t send any invitations less than 6 weeks before the wedding because then it will be glaringly obvious that they were added last minute.

Always assume that 100% of your guests will show. Your venue has a capacity limit fore fire code laws and the extras will be allowed to enter because of that.

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100% this. You can never predict who will hop a flight and come. Only invite who will fit.

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Etiquette doesn't say anything about who you should invite to your wedding aside from the partners of those on the guest list - anyone you invite who has a SO when the invitations go out should have their SO invited by name. Otherwise, it's just up to the hosts. Now, that doesn't guarantee that you won't have any family drama or fallout over who you invite or don't invite, but the choice is not an etiquette issue.

You'll get mixed answers on this topic. I'm in the exact same boat. I'm from Texas. My FH and I grew up in the central TX area, moved 3.5 hours away for college, and then moved to the Houston area (5 hours from our hometown) after college. His parents also moved after he graduated from high school so we have people all over the place. We decided to get married in our college town because it seemed to be the most central location for all of our family/friends in Texas. I also have a large chunk coming from NY/NJ. The venue that we chose has a price break at 200 but it can hold up to 300. Based on the people we invited, we decided to pay for 200 because we know its VERY unlikely they will all show up. That being said, there is space if they do. We'll just have to pay more money to the venue. I think you could be safe at 220 for sure. 250 might be cutting it a bit close.

View Quoted Comment Etiquette says to invite according to the closeness of relationship. In a super small family, 2 aunts living close by, you cannot leave one out. However, closeness of relationship does not mean you have to invite 8 aunts and SO, 4 you see all the time, and 4 you see every 4-8 years when both invited to someone else's event, before inviting any of 15 grown 1st cousins, 10 you see a lot, 5 never. Or any of 15 second cousins, 4 you see weekly, 11 never.
That is branches on the family tree, kind of relationship. Closeness of relationship, start with the aunts and grown first cousins and grown second cousins you see all the time. Some may be close friends as well as family. Closest relationship in terms of who you see regularly because you like their company most.
Then move out: family you see often enough, every year, but rarely invite to each other's homes except holiday or big event gatherings. Maybe you see them 3 times a year, always at parents or grands, always happy to see them, not close. Then get to those you rarely see and don't much care if you do. If you were vacationing within 20 miles of their house, would you drop by for a cookout, or meet them at some low cost place, hotdogs near the beach? See them at a family reunion. You would invite them to join you for dinner and drinks, your treat, and pay $100-$130 a person for them and be happy to do it? Invite them to your wedding. Though rarely seen, they matter, provided you have room after inviting the family, and the friends, you see regularly. Going by closeness of relationship, friends you see regularly, invite to each other's homes, often matter as much as relatives. So for extended family, use how much they matter to you, how close in contact you are regularly. ( Plus their SO.). Not, all aunts and uncles, before any cousins. And all first cousins, before any second. **** Step sibs you never see: if you live with a step parent, who regularly sees children from another relationship, but keeps you separate due to the custodial parent's request, ask that step parent if they would want them . Leaving it open to the fact that if you are now adults, you might want to meet each other. But do it long before the wedding, then decide. If these step sibs are off in the ozone, and their own parent only sees them now and then, you have no relationship. And the 10 minutes you may spend with them at the wedding is not worth much. Off the list. Larger families are different from small ones. Unless it is a situation of ostrasizing one of a generation, or all of one family, while inviting the other, people are more reasonable, mostly. 30 aunts and uncles ( including spouses) can more easily be, large number you see, invite; large number you don't see, don't invite. And they plan their weddings with the same issues, and mostly understand.