Madison
Just Said Yes June 2020

Out of town guests with kids?

Madison, on November 19, 2019 at 12:03 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13
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I'm having a very formal ceremony and reception and do not want any kids under 10. My FH has a groomsman (who is also his cousin) who has a son that is 3. He is very wild so I absolutely do not want his son there, but he's traveling 8 hours to come. What should I do? He's already planned to come and stay an entire week, talking about taking his son to the beach since they don't live near one, etc. His son is absolutely traveling here with him, but I have no idea how to tell him he can't come to the wedding.


Also, to add to it, my FH's aunt is having a baby in February... 4 months before my wedding. She also lives 8 hours away. Definitely do not want a newborn at my wedding either, but it's his aunt. And she is so excited about the wedding.


My FH doesn't want conflict with them so he thinks we should just let them come. I have no problem telling my side of the family that kids aren't invited, but it's a little different with his side. Hoping someone has been in a similar situation. Is there any kind of solution I can come to here?

13 Comments

  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
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    Well does your FH want kids invited or not? It isn’t only your wedding. I think it’s fine to have a child-free wedding (though usually infants are the exception as moms are the way babies are fed) but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You both have to be ok with the decision and you both have to understand that it’s possible people will decline because their children aren’t invited.
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  • Cristy
    Rockstar May 2020
    Cristy ·
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    I think it's ok to decide that you don't want kids at your wedding. However, there are usually a few exceptions to the "no kids" rule. The first is that nursing newborns/infants are an exception. You can't ask a nursing mother to leave her infant at home, especially a 4-month old. But I can assure you, a 4-month old baby will not bother anyone. In fact, I'd bet money that you won't even know he's there. He'll probably sleep through most of the festivities.

    As for the 3-year old wild child, I would try to help his father find some child care for that evening, since he'll be in town all week. You could make an exception for him, but you said he's wild, and clearly you don't want him at your wedding. You can hire a babysitter to go over to his hotel room and hang out while dad is at the wedding.

    But you should prepare yourself for some people to decline when they find out their kids are not invited.

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  • Madison
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Madison ·
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    He doesn't think kids should be invited either -- he just doesn't want to deal with the conflict with his cousin. Baby is not being breastfed so not worried about that.

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  • Madison
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Madison ·
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    Thanks for your comment! I definitely wouldn't ask his aunt to leave a newborn at home, I just don't know how to approach her with it.

    I guess child care seems like the way to go for the 3 year old. Thanks again!

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  • Jennifer
    Devoted April 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Ask your venue for a prefered vendor (babysitter). Ours offered up a few names!
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  • Madison
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Madison ·
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    That is so helpful! Thank you!

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I would look into hiring a babysitter as Jennifer said! However, keep in mind that some parents might not feel comfortable leaving their kids with someone they don't know!

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  • Madison
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Madison ·
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    WIll do Smiley smile thanks for the advice!

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  • J
    Super April 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I agree with PPs! Babysitter all the way! Even offer to buy the kids a pizza or something like that to enjoy with the babysitter, they'll have so much fun mom and dad can feel guilt free enjoying their night off!

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Typically newborns don't qualify under the "no kids" rule since they have to be with their mother frequently. I'd just have your fiance tell his friend in advance, so he can plan or tell you if he won't go.

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  • Allaura
    Devoted April 2021
    Allaura ·
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    I'd also look into a babysitter. But from experience you need to address this sooner rather than later. My cousin had her wedding this past summer and invited the family and then like a couple weeks before her wedding I found out, not from her either, that she wanted a no kids wedding. Which is fine do you, but I was coming in from out of town with my own family ( I have 2 kids) and didn't have anyone else to watch them. She ended up changing her mind like a week before her wedding and honestly I was so over it by then I just didn't go. So my advice would be to let them know about your no kid wedding and if your going to try to get a babysitter soon so they can plan accordingly.

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  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
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    We offered to provide childcare services for those with children younger than our age limit. You do usually have to make an exception for breastfeeding infants though.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    1) infants are the exception to the “no kids” rule


    2) Maybe offer to pay a babysitter as a gift to your groomsman.
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