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Super July 2019

Out of state wedding shower

Alyssa, on September 14, 2018 at 1:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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So I live on the other side of the country from my family. I assumed that because of this and because I have no bridesmaids in my wedding party, I just wouldn't have a wedding shower or bachelorette party. I was fine with that. It turns out my mom has planned a wedding shower for me and my brother (my man of honor) has started planning a bachelorette party for me. I'm extremely touched and grateful that they want to throw these events for me. The plan is to have them the same weekend so that I don't have to fly out multiple times which leads to the dilemma: gifts. I have a large family and most would come to a wedding shower because many won't be able to make it to the wedding. Bringing a bunch of gifts on a plane to go home after the event probably won't really work. That leaves shipping them all back but that will be expensive. I suggested we just do a bridal tea so no gifts but my mom was not keen on that idea. I'm her only daughter so she's really set on giving me the typical bridal experience and to her that means a shower with gifts. Her idea was to have everyone order the gifts online and just ship them to my house. I don't open them and then at the party everyone brings a card with a photo of the gift they bought. I'm worried this is could be considered rude since I wouldn't be opening the actual gifts. I don't want to offend anyone. I'm just grateful that my family wants to celebrate with me in any capacity. What would you guys suggest?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on September 15, 2018 at 5:41 PM

Dedicated October 2018
Mrs.cahenzli · on September 14, 2018 at 1:56 PM
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I'm in the same boat as you and I made sure people knew not to bring physical gifts. I'm not doing a bridal shower though. But you just say to the guest to "please have them shipped to my house."
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on September 14, 2018 at 2:01 PM
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We had a couples shower in another state. Some people shipped their gifts to our house and some brought them. We brought an empty suitcase to bring some gifts back on the plane and then shipped the rest. If people ask you can tell them you would prefer them to be shipped but I’m not sure I would write on the invite to just bring a picture.
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Super October 2019
Jenna · on September 14, 2018 at 3:08 PM
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I would try to spread it by word of mouth that you would prefer for people to ship them directly to you. If your mom is hosting, hopefully she can help spread that message to friends and family invited. If you really feel nervous about it, maybe put a small note on the invite about shipping being preferred due to the distance but I agree with Kelly that I wouldn't add that people should bring a picture of it. People who want to bring a card and add that in, will do it. I would also still bring an empty suitcase in case anyone misses the memo.
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Expert July 2019
Hannah · on September 14, 2018 at 3:55 PM
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We did this for my sisters baby shower. Some people shipped it to them and some people brought gifts. Items that were large and they couldnt fly back, my mom just returned here and they rebought down there. No one knew any different.
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Devoted December 2018
MissDec1 · on September 14, 2018 at 4:08 PM
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Soooo my shower was in DC, we live in Florida. My parents are driving down for the wedding, so the gifts are all going in their car. I only had about 10 people at the shower, so that works. Shipping can get expensive, so I think they will understand if your mom asks them to send the gift to your house and only bring a picture. Maybe they could put each picture in a decorative box or card? I did that for Christmas one year.
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Devoted October 2019
Melodie · on September 14, 2018 at 4:15 PM
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I think that having gifts shipped directly to your house is a great idea! It’s not rude, people will understand.
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Super July 2019
Alyssa · on September 14, 2018 at 10:40 PM
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Thank you everyone for the suggestions! I think I will request gifts be mailed to my house when possible but I'll bring a large suitcase just to be safe.
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Expert October 2018
Meesh · on September 15, 2018 at 1:12 PM
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We are in the same boat! For my shower, only a few people brought gifts and they were small enough that I could pack them. The rest gave me cash or gift cards knowing I had to fly home. As for the wedding, I put something on our wedding website kindly asking for gift cards or money even though I felt weird doing it. I think everyone should understand the logistics of travelling across the country with gifts and how difficult it can be.
So far, one person already direct-shipped some wedding gifts to our home which was nice. But yes, travelling with all that stuff is almost impossible! What we might do if we get gifts is just box them up and ship them back to ourselves.. ugh. LOL
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Master 0000
Judith · on September 15, 2018 at 5:41 PM
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When I was in college and grad school, and when I was in the army, where so many guests were from far away, and the couples had wedding showers far from home, or far from where they went to school or were stationed, it was customary to have, " Good things come in small packages " showers. Some gift certificates. Cell phones to DVD's, 1 year paid Netflix, diamond or ruby stud earrings, favored music or books, picket travel books or trail guides , string hammocks for 2, guitar strings and and small sports accessories. It is amazing, but a shower of 35 guests gifts can go Fed Ex Ground, insured and trackable, for $35 for most of the continental US. Or fit in one suitcase you pay $25 to the airline for as checked luggage (boo!). People organizing the shower ate allowed to mention gifts on invitations or follow-up phone calls. And can give a shipping address for direct shipment to your home. The hostesses suggest they put a picture of the item or a note in a card, for anything bigger than a book, or heavier than two pounds. So suggest to mothers or brothers, Think small. And if you really like a certain perfume, or like cameo jewelry or tigers eye bead necklaces, other small things, they can suggest them to anyone who asks. So don't think of the problem of shipping, think of little gifts as a shower theme..
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