Out of State Shower

That's very generous of you to want to host a shower for them! I would just call them up and make the offer to host. I am sure they would love to celebrate with his side of the family as well! You could even do a co-ed shower so that your son could participate. I would just be mindful of 2 things :

1. Make sure you review the wedding guest list with them in order to ensure you don't invite anyone to the shower who will not be invited to the wedding.

2. If you are requesting to host an out of state shower, you should also offer to pay for their airline tickets back to NY.

Congratulations on your son's upcoming wedding! To include both sides of the family, you can consider hosting a virtual bridal shower. Set up a video call, and coordinate with the bride's family for a joint celebration. This way, everyone can participate, share their joy, and feel connected despite the distance. Utilize online platforms for games, gift openings, and toasts. It's a wonderful way to involve both families in the celebration

Did you have any special concerns or were your questions answered as you hoped?

Your idea for a NY bridal shower sounds great. It is a great chance to meet more of her family. You keep it informal. Nothing elaborate is required. Hopefully the number of potential guests is manageable.

It's fine to have more than one shower as long as the guest list, with the possible exception of immediate family or bridal party members who live in the area doesn't overlap. Obviously there should be no expectation of people attending both. Traditionally, family members do not host showers for family members but more relaxed etiquette sources don't have an issue with it. In my own circles, they are thrown by friends or friends of the family. Some people I know have enlisted a friend as the host on the invitations in name only which kind of defeats the purpose.

Following some of CMs point about etiquette, it would be possible just to have an event just to celebrate the upcoming marriage and to meet each other.

My only addition to the above is just make sure you remind guests that they’ll need to transport gifts back home. Perhaps gifts could be shipped and they open cards?

My fiancé and I live in Pa and his family lives in ny. His mom wants to do a second shower up there for his side of the family to be able to attend. Definitely talk with the groom and bride to see what dates work best for them and to make sure they are okay with it. Also run the guest list for the shower by them! I love the idea of a shower in both states but definitely involve them both as much as possible

It goes without saying that anyone invited to the shower must also be invited to the wedding.