I'll try to make a long story short --
I was asked to be in my friend's wedding happening this fall before a date had been set, she asked last year around this time. I'm on the West Coast and she is on the East Coast. -but I knew it would be around a certain pre-decided month. Now she has made the date a Friday, with a rehearsal on Wednesday, and a bachelorette on Tuesday. She posted these dates to a group chat with an implied expectation to be there for all the events (something about knowing out of towners will have to get there so plan accordingly).
I think it is a lot for her to expect me to fly out and take essentially a week off for her wedding and miss this time out of work. She was also in my very recent wedding on a Saturday with a Friday evening rehearsal. We had wedding party members who were out-of-towners who couldn't make the rehearsal time, which we let them know in advance was OK because we knew to be accommodating for others who have work and families. I was also very conscious of what it costs to be in a wedding and made sure to keep costs low for my bridesmaids. This is something I'm not seeing from her -- she is not being conscious of cost.
I'm not sure how to talk about this with her. It is my fault to assume her wedding would be a Saturday -- but I'm not going to be able to take all that time out of my schedule -- it is basically a forced vacation that would be better spent on my own honeymoon. Initially, before this date was set, I was planning on only three days total which includes travel (and only having to take off a Friday). Her other bridesmaids are all very close in distance to her so they do not have the same issue. Wondering how to broach this topic with her in a way that is understanding of what she wants, but also that gets across clearly how the current expectation is too much for me.
